You know, we don't live on our time. We live on God's time. It's why we usually don't understand what's going on in our lives, and sometimes even try to fight it. It's why good things come of 'bad' things, and opportunity when we weren't looking. I can thankfully say that the right time does come. But perhaps it it is really not a time at all. But simply, the time is right for you.
The time was right today for me. I broke up with Tim.
I feel beutifully liberated, shaken and exhilerated. I feel like crying, not because I'm sad, but because it worked out so well. I feel like I've witnessed a death, that is supposed to invoke these cut-out feelings, but instead I can only remember the happy things of life. If I do cry, it will not be because of loss, but of the turning of a new chapter. And the wonderful thing, is I know he feels the same way too. I feel like...I feel good.
I wish I could erase my last few posts. Troubled and bumbling over mixed feelings over a relationship....that now seems so silly. So silly to have worried like I did. So silly to feel or even put so much into. Because it was like, I just knew that it was time for me to do it. And I think it was more than any "god's timing" it was just really good for me. I think I came to a position in my mind, and it wasn't bad, it was perfectly focussed. I didn't have any anguish or splitting feelings, it just felt, right. And I thank God for that. It wasn't about courage like I had been praying for before, it was just about, getting real. Giving it up.
Giving it up. Yes, that's what it was about. Giving it up. It was just so right. I felt like I was leaving him, only to find us as better friends.
Now, how weird would that be if we became great friends?
Life is definitly an interesting thing. Thanks God.
