I am really tired. I have been working unpleasant hours, with plenty of night before pressures. Although, it's the best conditions for my best writing, it's too many deadlines and too many projects to rush my brain as so. I love to research. I love to read. And to write! Everything is always "A" quality, but there's only so much of late night/early morning write-ups that can be the best of me, when I'm not sleeping.
I desperately wish it was Friday. Well, now that the day is over, I don't ;) Had it been Friday for sure I would have gone out and enjoyed it. But either way, earlier today I did wish it so. I was even ready to crash learn my vocab. for a Friday test, just so the day would be over. It's not so much the day that is killing me, i just desire time. Time to just chill and think and read.
I love Isaac Asimov. Not really his books, but his autobiographies are just wonderful. I plan on finishing them, even when my term paper has already been written. I hope I actually do. I know it's hard to do stuff when you don't have to. Well, I suppose it's the other way around too. It's hard to read fiction books and enjoy them when you do know you have to read them. But non-fiction is different. At least I don't know that many teenagers whom read non-fiction for enjoyment. Although I have read some religion books, to expose myself to other beliefs. But I felt queer even then.
I was totally sexually harrassed today in my pre-cal class. I love my old best guy friend, Tony dearly. But it does not erase the fact that he is abusive. I knew it when we dated three years ago, and I know it now. I must take some blame, for I encourage it at times, as flirting. And he's incredibly flirty. Nothing like flattery to boost the self-esteem. But even still, there's only so much wear and tear that I can take. It made me incredibly uncomfortable, and I've gotten to quite a self-assured stage, when dealing with something such as this, but I was relieved to be let out of that class.
He's taken a foreigner and corrupted him. Unfortunatly I tell Tony everything. (Even more than my best friend for some odd reason.) And speaking of baring my soul to Tony over everything, we have joked over my incredible attraction to this foreigner. Ah, Jean from France. He looks very clean. I know that is the most strangest comment to make, but I don't know how to say it. He just has great skin, and this crooked nose and smile that I just totally fell for. But just because I find him good-looking doesn't mean I ever intended to pursue a relationship with him. Besides I never really talk to him (or have the chance to). I do know from our brief encounters that we do not have anything in common.
I know Tony told him that I like him. I suppose it doesn't bother me too much. For me being a "top dog" senior, and him being the lowly sophomore, I don't see how I can be shy about a thing like that. If anything, I have the edge. But with attraction does come intimidation. Not that I'm intimidated. It's just more fun to hold someone in fantasy, then to really approach the reality. He seems reasonably nice, but he also has periods of "jerk". Comes along with the looks I imagine.
My birthday was on April 20th. I didn't get anything. I'm 18. It was actually a very pleasant birthday for not having done anything, or getting anything. It was just like any other day. No reflection about becoming an "official adult". I wonder if birthdays will sadden me from future on. Or will I be hoping for the 21 so I can drink. I wonder if I will drink...
Back to harrassment. Last night at work Beau was totally laying on the flirt. But it was slightly uncomfortable the way he did it. Still interesting, but definitly tugging on "fake fun", reminisce of my middle school. (shudder). But that's a whole different story. But Beau was definitly much better than that old experience. And it helps that many of the girls there seem quite amoured by him. I understand their attraction, but perhaps I really do have a "type" for I don't find myself all that drawn to him. Infact he has always been on the "jerk/avoid" list of the servers in my head. A complainer, and demander. But I think he may actually like me. Which is cool. Because I am much like Asimov, and enjoy the attention.
"And if you want to buy me flowers...just go ahead now."--Spin Doctors, 'Two Princess'
