How Bad Can It Get

<body topmargin=0 leftmargin=0 marginheight=0 marginwidth=0> <table cellpadding=0 cellspacing=0 border=0 height="100%"><tr> <td valign="top" width=200 BGCOLOR="#003399" TEXT="#080000" background="03fc8c00erkjxk.jpg"> <div> <B>Donna has a Little conversation with herself after the events in 'Ways & Means"</B></div> <bR> <bR> <bR> <bR> </td> <td valign="top" BGCOLOR="#0066CC" TEXT="#080000"> <div> <FONT SIZE="6" COLOR="#99CCFF" FACE="Edwardian Script ITC" ><B>Smiles, Tears, & Happy Endings</B></FONT><FONT SIZE="6" COLOR="#FFFF99" FACE="Edwardian Script ITC" > </FONT><FONT SIZE="6" COLOR="#FFFFFF" FACE="Edwardian Script ITC" > </FONT><FONT SIZE="1" COLOR="#CC0000" FACE="Arial" > </FONT>  |     <A HREF="index.htm" TARGET="_top" TITLE="Smiles, Tears, Happy Endings"><U>home</U></A></div> <div> <A HREF="id18.htm" TARGET="_top" TITLE="Brandys Stories"><U>Brandy's Stories</U></A>   |   <A HREF="id24.htm" TARGET="_top" TITLE="The Other Side"><U>The Other Side</U></A>   |   <A HREF="id25.htm" TARGET="_top" TITLE="Getaway"><U>Getaway</U></A>   |   <A HREF="id32.htm" TARGET="_top" TITLE="Deserved Recognition"><U>Deserved Recognition</U></A>   |   <A HREF="id33.htm" TARGET="_top" TITLE="The End of These Days"><U>The End of These Days</U></A>   |   <A HREF="id34.htm" TARGET="_top" TITLE="Moving On"><U>Moving On</U></A>   |   <A HREF="id35.htm" TARGET="_top" TITLE="Lessons Learned Shared"><U>Lessons- Learned & Shared</U></A>   |   <A HREF="id43.htm" TARGET="_top" TITLE="So, I Had This Dream..."><U>So, I Had This Dream...</U></A>   |   <A HREF="id214.htm" TARGET="_top" TITLE="The Perfect Plan"><U>The Perfect Plan</U></A>   |   <A HREF="id215.htm" TARGET="_top" TITLE="The Incredibly Campy Road Trip From Hell"><U>The Incredibly Campy Road Trip From Hell</U></A>   |   <A HREF="id216.htm" TARGET="_top" TITLE="A Whole New Story"><U>A Whole New Story</U></A>   |   <A HREF="id217.htm" TARGET="_top" TITLE="What Are Friends For? "><U>What Are Friends For? </U></A>   |   <A HREF="id218.htm" TARGET="_top" TITLE="Walking The Wire"><U>Walking The Wire</U></A>   |   <A HREF="id219.htm" TARGET="_top" TITLE="Foreshadowing, Omens Evidence of Other "><U>Foreshadowing, Omens & Evidence of Other Things in the Wind</U></A>   |   <A HREF="id222.htm" TARGET="_top" TITLE="Up Against the Wall"><U>Up Against the Wall</U></A>   |   <A HREF="id223.htm" TARGET="_top" TITLE="The Sum Of My Fears"><U>The Sum Of My Fears</U></A>   |   <A HREF="id220.htm" TARGET="_top" TITLE="Our Dance"><U>Our Dance</U></A>   |   <A HREF="id221.htm" TARGET="_top" TITLE="Shes Got a Way"><U>She's Got a Way</U></A>   |   <A HREF="id52.htm" TARGET="_top" TITLE="Take My Hand"><U>Take My Hand</U></A>   |   <A HREF="id53.htm" TARGET="_top" TITLE="May Perspective"><U>May Perspective</U></A>   |   <B>How Bad Can It Get</B>   |   <A HREF="id181.htm" TARGET="_top" TITLE="Small Mistakes"><U>Small Mistakes</U></A>   |   <A HREF="id182.htm" TARGET="_top" TITLE="Nightcaps"><U>Nightcaps</U></A>   |   <A HREF="id183.htm" TARGET="_top" TITLE="Crazy Boys"><U>Crazy Boys</U></A>   |   <A HREF="id184.htm" TARGET="_top" TITLE="A Need For Comfort"><U>A Need For Comfort</U></A>   |   <A HREF="id81.htm" TARGET="_top" TITLE="Looking Back"><U>Looking Back</U></A>   |   <A HREF="id109.htm" TARGET="_top" TITLE="The Nature of Family"><U>The Nature of Family</U></A>   |   <A HREF="id210.htm" TARGET="_top" TITLE="Wistful Thoughts On A Snowy Night"><U>Wistful Thoughts On A Snowy Night</U></A>   |   <A HREF="id212.htm" TARGET="_top" TITLE="A Good Brother/Son/Friend"><U>A Good Brother/Son/Friend</U></A>   |   <A HREF="id111.htm" TARGET="_top" TITLE="When All Else Fails"><U>When All Else Fails</U></A>   |   <A HREF="id187.htm" TARGET="_top" TITLE="Someone Like You"><U>Someone Like You</U></A>   |   <A HREF="id213.htm" TARGET="_top" TITLE="A Wish For My Friend"><U>A Wish For My Friend</U></A>   |   <A HREF="id188.htm" TARGET="_top" TITLE="Unspoken"><U>Unspoken</U></A>   |   <A HREF="id189.htm" TARGET="_top" TITLE="A Brief Glimpse"><U>A Brief Glimpse</U></A>   |   <A HREF="id190.htm" TARGET="_top" TITLE="Sanctuary"><U>Sanctuary</U></A>   |   <A HREF="id191.htm" TARGET="_top" TITLE="Contemplation"><U>Contemplation</U></A>   |   <A HREF="id192.htm" TARGET="_top" TITLE="Dirty Work"><U>Dirty Work</U></A>   |   <A HREF="id193.htm" TARGET="_top" TITLE="Precious Moments"><U>Precious Moments</U></A>   |   <A HREF="id194.htm" TARGET="_top" TITLE="Almost Normal"><U>Almost Normal</U></A>   |   <A HREF="id195.htm" TARGET="_top" TITLE="Never Enough"><U>Never Enough</U></A>   |   <A HREF="id112.htm" TARGET="_top" TITLE="The World According To Mark..."><U>The World According To Mark...</U></A>   |   <A HREF="id135.htm" TARGET="_top" TITLE="Heart Cards, Flowers Sweet Stuff"><U>Heart Cards, Flowers & Sweet Stuff</U></A>   |   <A HREF="id185.htm" TARGET="_top" TITLE="Amazed"><U>Amazed</U></A>   |   <A HREF="id199.htm" TARGET="_top" TITLE="Last Call of the Night"><U>Last Call of the Night</U></A>   |   <A HREF="id206.htm" TARGET="_top" TITLE="The Fortuitous Visitor"><U>The Fortuitous Visitor</U></A>   |   <A HREF="id136.htm" TARGET="_top" TITLE="Loose Ends"><U>Loose Ends</U></A>   |   <A HREF="id225.htm" TARGET="_top" TITLE="TeaSympathy Under the Mistletoe"><U>Tea&Sympathy Under the Mistletoe</U></A>   |   <A HREF="id229.htm" TARGET="_top" TITLE="Not So Much Looking Good As Being Good"><U>Not So Much Looking Good As Being Good</U></A>   |   <A HREF="id230.htm" TARGET="_top" TITLE="The Moment of Truth"><U>The Moment of Truth</U></A>   |   <A HREF="id231.htm" TARGET="_top" TITLE="Control Choices"><U>Control & Choices</U></A>   |   <A HREF="id36.htm" TARGET="_top" TITLE="Anniversaries AdoAnnie"><U>Anniversaries & Ado-Annie</U></A>   |   <A HREF="id37.htm" TARGET="_top" TITLE="The NonOccasion Occasion"><U>The Non-Occasion Occasion</U></A>   |   <A HREF="id38.htm" TARGET="_top" TITLE="Interlude"><U>Interlude</U></A>   |   <A HREF="id39.htm" TARGET="_top" TITLE="Misdirection Understatement"><U>Misdirection & Understatement</U></A>   |   <A HREF="id51.htm" TARGET="_top" TITLE="Meeting, Damn Depositions Rules"><U>Meeting, Damn Depositions & Rules</U></A>   |   <A HREF="id54.htm" TARGET="_top" TITLE="Realizations Revelations"><U>Realizations &Revelations</U></A>   |   <A HREF="id207.htm" TARGET="_top" TITLE="A Liberating Quality"><U>A Liberating Quality</U></A></div> <div> How Bad Can It Get?</div> <div> Damn! Why am I cursed with this kind of luck? I’m a good person. I’m nice to other people. I work hard. I do, in fact, work damn hard. I’ve been working so hard lately, that I wanted the diversion of a little fun just a tad too much. There I was, in that stupid storage room, going through those stupid boxes, looking for that elusive , yet stupid piece of paper, when Ainsley strolls in. She stands there, looking rested and dust-free and starts babbling about some old law school buddy of hers that just broke up with his girlfriend. I have to say, the whole ‘just broke up with his girlfriend’ thing didn’t do much for me, but the ‘cute as hell’ remark managed to register pretty well in my beleaguered, overtaxed mind. Of course that was somewhat overshadowed by the fact that he was a republican, and working with Ways and Means. Of course, my first thoughts are about Josh. I mean, why wouldn’t they be? I am, after all, his loyal assistant, his faithful companion. I am the Ms. Peel to his Steed, the Nora to his Nick, the Hepburn to his Tracey. Okay, I realize the flaws in some of these comparisons…. </div> <div> While I am certainly sleek , smart and resourceful enough to be Ms. Peel, only the most energetic stretch of the most vivid imagination could make Josh anywhere near as dapper as Steed.</div> <div>  Nick and Nora Charles were married, and Josh and I are, well…not. Great banter though.</div> <div>  Finally, while I am certainly as witty and bright as Hepburn, Josh is well…he’s as grouchy as Tracey sometimes, and he does bellow. Okay, Josh can be a little like Tracey- but not in a good way. </div> <div>   See, now I’ve wandered off the point. The point is that once I found out that this law school pal of Ainsley’s  was a republican, and on the Ways and Means committee, I immediately started thinking about how Josh had plucked me out of nowhere, and how he worked so hard battling these guys every day. Then I asked if he was funny. Hey, don’t look at me like that! A girl needs some fun in her life. Especially a girl who may be headed towards a future of having her innocent farm girl ass sold for a carton of ‘Luckys’. Okay, maybe I am exaggerating just a little bit- but still…the possibility exists.</div> <div>    Anyway, I asked if he was funny, and of course she says yes. I mean, what is she going to say- ‘Why , no Donna- he’s as dull as a brick, but why don’t you give him a whirl anyway’ ? </div> <div>   So , I agree to him giving me a call. A call is innocent. You can be sitting at home on any given night, and anyone could call you. I could be sitting at home one night, and Josh could call. Well, Josh does call. Josh calls when he wants my help, or to find something, or to make sure I have absolutely no life outside of the one that revolves around him.  Okay…I’ll admit it - that is a little unfair- but I ask you, who sucked who into their life of crime?</div> <div>   So, to skip ahead in my rapidly growing neurosis , I get a call from cute and funny Cliff. I agree to meet him at a nice little place after work. Of course, this is destined for disaster. I show up an hour and a half late, looking like something the cat dragged through the dusty  attic. Of course, by this time he’s outside hailing a cab- as any sane man would be. Who waits an hour and a half on a set up date anyway? I assume this must be a nice guy. I start to try to explain about the reason for my lateness, babbling on about boxes, until I finally ask him if he’ll buy me a drink. </div> <div>   We have a nice time over drinks, and then take a walk, talking the whole time. Somewhere along the way, the thought creeps into my consciousness that even Josh would have a hard time finding fault with this guy. Well, apart from the fact that he’s a Republican, working on a committee that Josh has vowed to beat into submission if it’s the very last thing he does. I also have not missed the irony in the fact that I have finally managed to escape the never-ending parade of work, work and more work that my life has become lately, only to spend time with one of the people who has been creating that workload. Who says Fate doesn’t have a twisted sense of humor? Another of those little quirks of fate is, that although Cliff is a very nice and engaging guy, and he is pretty cute, I can’t seem to keep a certain person out of my thoughts and conversation. Go ahead and guess who I’m referring to- go ahead, I dare you. Yeah, you got it. Josh. Why does that happen? Why do I allow it to happen? Because I’m stuck. I’m stuck smack dab in the middle between what I want and what I can have. What do I want , you ask? I want to be able to say things to Josh without having to resort to subterfuge and misdirection. I want to believe all those currents that were passing between us a little while ago won’t disappear while we are both tending to the weightier problems of the country. You know, problems like trying to make sure we can stay around a while longer and deliver on the promises we made. I want for us to be able to crawl out of the trenches when this is all over and see if we can build on all those currents that were running between us. So, in the face of that, I bet you’re asking what it is I can have? What am I left with? Well, I’ll tell you - since you were nice enough to ask. I can have days upon weeks of sifting through mountainous piles of paper, trying to cull all the obscure and not so obscure files that the Prosecutor’s office has decided they must review. I can have Josh come down to my little version of hell on earth, and amuse himself by watching me un-spool. I can stamp down all the feelings I have ever had for Josh and put them in a box somewhere. Hopefully not the same box that I put that damn piece of paper in- you know, the one that tells me what’s in all the other boxes. I can have Ainsley come down and dangle a diversionary life-preserver, which I blindly, wearily grab. </div> <div>   So, I’m thinking , I should have known. I should have known  when Cliff was telling me about getting traded from Ways and Means to House  Government Oversight and I made my little funny about it being an ‘oversight’…I should have known. He got this really funny look on his face and he started echoing my previous babble about  ‘boxes’, then he said a rather hasty goodnight. So, I’m standing there, feeling thoroughly confused, when I really should have known. Right there, right then, I should have known that this was the precursor of some really bad news. I didn’t. I wandered along in my confusion  for a little while longer. Right up until I heard that the fight was moving to a whole new venue. Clement Rollins was no longer going to be in charge of raking us over the coals. That was now going to become the province and joy of the U.S House of Representatives, and their appointed hatchet men. Of course, you would think that the House Judiciary Committee would head up such an investigation. Oh no…no, that would make sense, and this is politics we’re talking about. Sense and logic don’t apply . Just in case you were wondering, that’s the first rule you learn here. Guess which committee will be heading it up- go ahead. That’s right- House Government Oversight. So guess who just spent an evening having drinks and amiable conversation, not to mention a little mild flirting, with the enemy. You did it again- two for two- that’s right. Me. Donna Moss. This is so bad.</div> <div>   I stand there next to Josh, and we all watch as Randall Thomas, the head of Governmental Oversight rants about the injustice of an investigation being run by ‘Bartlet’s hand-picked man’. He then announces that his committee is taking over the investigation. The guy’s practically salivating with anticipation, and CJ’s daring him to ‘come get us’. In the midst of all of this, all I can think about is how bad this is, and how bad it’s still going to get. I am going nuts trying to remember every single thing I said to Cliff, especially anything that pertained to work or Josh. I’m doing this, because I know that once I tell Josh  about my date with Cliff, he’s going to want to know those things. He may not ask right away, but he’ll want to know. The thing is - I’m having a hard time trying to remember. I was worn and weary, and I’m not sure how well I can trust my memory. I’m having the worst time trying to separate the things I said from the things I’m worried I said. This is so bad…and it hasn’t even started yet. </div> <bR> </td> </tr></table></body>