No Time To Be Shocked

<body topmargin=0 leftmargin=0 marginheight=0 marginwidth=0> <table cellpadding=0 cellspacing=0 border=0 height="100%"><tr> <td valign="top" width=200 BGCOLOR="#003399" TEXT="#080000" background="03fc8c00erkjxk.jpg"> <div> <B>A post-ep to "18th & Potomac".</B></div> </td> <td valign="top" BGCOLOR="#0066CC" TEXT="#080000"> <div> <FONT SIZE="5" COLOR="#99CCFF" FACE="Edwardian Script ITC" ><B>Smiles, Tears, & Happy Endings</B></FONT><FONT SIZE="1" COLOR="#FFFF99" FACE="Arial" > </FONT><FONT SIZE="1" COLOR="#FFFFFF" FACE="Arial" > </FONT><FONT SIZE="1" COLOR="#CC0000" FACE="Arial" > </FONT>  |     <A HREF="index.htm" TARGET="_top" TITLE="Smiles, Tears, Happy Endings"><U>home</U></A></div> <div> <A HREF="id19.htm" TARGET="_top" TITLE="Shelleys Stories"><U>Shelley's Stories</U></A>   |   <A HREF="id26.htm" TARGET="_top" TITLE="Boomerang"><U>Boomerang</U></A>   |   <A HREF="id27.htm" TARGET="_top" TITLE="238 Days"><U>238 Days</U></A>   |   <A HREF="id28.htm" TARGET="_top" TITLE="A Proposal in Paradise"><U>A Proposal in Paradise</U></A>   |   <A HREF="id29.htm" TARGET="_top" TITLE="Blood Ties"><U>Blood Ties</U></A>   |   <A HREF="id30.htm" TARGET="_top" TITLE="Party Tricks"><U>Party Tricks</U></A>   |   <A HREF="id31.htm" TARGET="_top" TITLE="Does Anyone Really Miss Her?"><U>Does Anyone Really Miss Her?</U></A>   |   <B>No Time To Be Shocked</B>   |   <A HREF="id45.htm" TARGET="_top" TITLE="Love Always"><U>Love Always</U></A>   |   <A HREF="id46.htm" TARGET="_top" TITLE="Desperate Times"><U>Desperate Times</U></A>   |   <A HREF="id106.htm" TARGET="_top" TITLE="Finding Our Way Back"><U>Finding Our Way Back</U></A>   |   <A HREF="id107.htm" TARGET="_top" TITLE="Roadblock"><U>Roadblock</U></A>   |   <A HREF="id108.htm" TARGET="_top" TITLE="Finding The Treasure"><U>Finding The Treasure</U></A>   |   <A HREF="id110.htm" TARGET="_top" TITLE="Hey Baby, Lets Go To Vegas"><U>Hey Baby, Let's Go To Vegas</U></A>   |   <A HREF="id186.htm" TARGET="_top" TITLE="A Matter Of Trust"><U>A Matter Of Trust</U></A>   |   <A HREF="id209.htm" TARGET="_top" TITLE="A Pleasure Sure"><U>A Pleasure Sure</U></A>   |   <A HREF="id226.htm" TARGET="_top" TITLE="An Excellent Rookie Season"><U>An Excellent Rookie Season</U></A>   |   <A HREF="id227.htm" TARGET="_top" TITLE="Even Steel Magnolias Cry"><U>Even Steel Magnolias Cry</U></A></div> <div> No Time To Be Shocked</div> <div> Josh sat at his desk, head in his hands. He was lost so deep in </div> <div> thought that he didn't hear </div> <div> Donna enter his office, didn't even hear when she spoke, didn't </div> <div> notice her presence until </div> <div> she handed him a memo.</div> <bR> <bR> <div> "I didn't even see you there," he said in amazement.</div> <bR> <bR> <div> "I haven't seen you all day," she commented.</div> <bR> <bR> <div> "I was with..you know..tobacco." he said.</div> <bR> <bR> <div> He had spent most of his day trying to get a feel for the way the </div> <div> vote was going to go on </div> <div> the tobacco funding issue. Right now it didn't look good. This was a </div> <div> terrible time to have </div> <div> to fight this battle.</div> <bR> <bR> <div>  There was a bigger battle brewing, a potentially devastating one. </div> <div> Joey's polling numbers </div> <div> had been a shock. He had tried to keep his expectations low but the </div> <div> results were worse </div> <div> than he had feared.</div> <bR> <bR> <div>  But still, this tobacco lawsuit was important, vital even. There was </div> <div> absolutely no way </div> <div> they could hope to wage a fair fight when they were grossly </div> <div> undermanned and under </div> <div> funded. It was a battle that Josh desperately wanted to win. He began </div> <div> mentally reviewing </div> <div> all of the meetings he had had during the afternoon.</div> <bR> <bR> <div> "The President wants to see you in the residence for a meeting </div> <div> tonight around 9:00." </div> <div> Donna said, jerking Josh's attention back to the present.</div> <bR> <bR> <div> Their eyes met, and an undefined fear began to creep up his spine </div> <div> again. He felt an </div> <div> overwhelming need to protect her. He didn't want her to have to feel </div> <div> the pain that he had </div> <div> felt when he found out about the President's illness. He didn't want </div> <div> her to feel betrayed, </div> <div> confused and alone. He knew that she had to find out sometime, and </div> <div> sometime soon. The </div> <div> press conference was closing in fast-it would all be out in the open </div> <div> after that. But he </div> <div> wanted to protect her for as long as possible. He wanted to give her </div> <div> a few more days, </div> <div> even a few more hours of not knowing. He thought of the old cliché </div> <div> about how ignorance </div> <div> is bliss-and realized that in this case, under these circumstances, </div> <div> that might very well be </div> <div> true.</div> <bR> <bR> <div> He began babbling something about the Blue Ribbon Commission, but he </div> <div> couldn't meet </div> <div> her eyes. He hated lying to her, even if it was for her own good. He </div> <div> never wanted to do </div> <div> anything to destroy her faith in him, to damage her trust. He knew </div> <div> that if he looked her </div> <div> straight in the eyes, she would know that he wasn't being honest.</div> <bR> <bR> <div> "Josh...um..." she started, as he stopped speaking and looked at her.</div> <bR> <bR> <div>  It was obvious that she had something on her mind. Something she </div> <div> needed to tell him. </div> <div> But she was stammering and sputtering and saying that this was why </div> <div> she would never </div> <div> have a career as a spy.</div> <bR> <bR> <div> "Donna, what?" he said as a smile began to play across his lips. He </div> <div> briefly wondered if </div> <div> there had been another fax about a falling satellite.</div> <bR> <bR> <div> "Sagittarius." She blurted out.</div> <bR> <bR> <div> Josh's smile disappeared, replaced by a look of shock and concern. </div> <div> They locked eyes and </div> <div> for a moment he couldn't speak. He was desperately searching for </div> <div> something, some kind </div> <div> of sign. A sign that she was alright, that she wasn't angry with him </div> <div> for not being the one </div> <div> to tell her. When he finally found his voice, it came out barely </div> <div> above a whisper.</div> <bR> <bR> <div> "You alright?"</div> <bR> <bR> <div> "Yeah," she said. But her eyes and the set of her jaw showed </div> <div> something different. He </div> <div> could see that she was just barely holding on. He wanted to jump over </div> <div> the desk and wrap </div> <div> his arms around her, but he knew that at this precise moment, that </div> <div> would be the worst </div> <div> thing he could do. Any small amount of intimacy would shatter her; it </div> <div> would tear down </div> <div> the wall of defense that she had spent all day building. So he stayed </div> <div> in his seat and tried </div> <div> to convey everything to her with his eyes.</div> <bR> <bR> <div> And then she slipped back into assistant mode. He knew that that was </div> <div> what she needed to </div> <div> do. She needed to bury herself in work, much as he had done after he </div> <div> initially found out.</div> <bR> <bR> <div> "There's an empty office next to the conference room downstairs," she </div> <div> said. "I had a </div> <div> couple of couches moved in there. And there are some pillows and </div> <div> blankets."</div> <bR> <bR> <div> It was her subtle way of telling him that she was worried about him, </div> <div> that he needed to </div> <div> take care of himself. </div> <bR> <bR> <div> He asked her about CJ's press conference. She was completely back in </div> <div> battle mode. She </div> <div> was his able assistant. Right there at his side, loyal to the end.</div> <bR> <bR> <div> "Leo's ready to see you now," she told him, and then she turned and </div> <div> left.</div> <bR> <bR> <div> He just stared at her retreating form, wondering how in the world he </div> <div> would ever make </div> <div> this up to her.</div> <bR> <bR> <bR> <bR> <bR> <bR> <div> Josh headed back from his meeting with Leo and Toby feeling </div> <div> invigorated. He was ready </div> <div> to do whatever he had to do to give the government lawyers all the </div> <div> tools they needed to </div> <div> fight big tobacco. He was Bulldog Josh again.</div> <bR> <bR> <div> But something else was playing in the back of his mind. He remembered </div> <div> Toby's answer </div> <div> to the question of how Donna had taken the news. She had taken it </div> <div> well, Toby assured </div> <div> him. Josh remembered the tone of respect in Toby's voice when he said </div> <div> it. Toby had </div> <div> gotten a small glimpse of something that too many people overlooked, </div> <div> a glimpse of the </div> <div> real Donna. She was stronger than most people gave her credit for; </div> <div> Josh knew that better </div> <div> than anyone. She was also far smarter than most people thought. Josh </div> <div> smiled when he </div> <div> realized that even though he might never know exactly what had </div> <div> transpired in that </div> <div> meeting, he knew that Donna had earned Toby's respect.</div> <bR> <bR> <div> He rounded the corner into the bullpen, determined to pull Donna </div> <div> aside and talk to her for </div> <div> at least a few minutes before things got hectic again. When he looked </div> <div> towards her desk, </div> <div> he saw her, leaning against the file cabinet, clutching her stomach, </div> <div> tears welling up in her </div> <div> eyes. He saw Charlie standing on the other side of her desk, tears in </div> <div> his eyes also.</div> <bR> <bR> <div> "What's wrong?" Josh asked, immediately going to Donna's </div> <div> side. "What's happened?"</div> <bR> <bR> <div> Donna opened her mouth to speak but no words would come out. She </div> <div> leaned harder </div> <div> against the file cabinet, desperately trying to remain standing.</div> <bR> <bR> <div> "Charlie, what is it?" Josh asked turning to face the younger man.</div> <bR> <bR> <div> "It's Mrs. Landingham," Charlie choked out.</div> <bR> <bR> <div> "What about her?" Josh asked, looking back and forth between Donna </div> <div> and Charlie.</div> <bR> <bR> <div> "She was killed earlier this evening in a car accident." Charlie said</div> <bR> <bR> <div> "Oh my God," Josh said feeling as though someone had just punched him </div> <div> in the stomach. </div> <div> He instinctively reached out and put his arm around Donna's shoulders.</div> <bR> <bR> <div> "We don't have many details," Charlie said. "Except for the fact that </div> <div> we know there was a </div> <div> drunk driver involved."</div> <bR> <bR> <div> The trio stood for a moment in stunned silence.</div> <bR> <bR> <div> "Are you ok, Charlie?" Josh asked.</div> <bR> <bR> <div> "Yeah," Charlie answered. "I have some things to do though so...." He </div> <div> trailed off as he </div> <div> turned and walked away.</div> <bR> <bR> <div> Josh realized that Donna hadn't said a word since he had arrived back </div> <div> in the bullpen. </div> <div> With his arm still around her shoulders, he gently steered her into </div> <div> his office and sat her </div> <div> down in the visitor's chair.</div> <bR> <bR> <div> "Are you alright?" he asked her. "Can I get you anything?"</div> <bR> <bR> <div> "No, I'll be fine," she said vacantly. "I have work to do."</div> <bR> <bR> <div> "Donna," Josh said sharply, concerned that she was going into </div> <div> shock. "This is the second </div> <div> major bombshell you've been hit with today. I think you need to take </div> <div> some time...."</div> <bR> <bR> <div> "I can't," she interrupted. "Toby said that there was no time to be </div> <div> shocked. He said that I </div> <div> needed to get right back to work. There's a lot to be done, Josh. You </div> <div> have to be ready for </div> <div> the press conference, I need to get you all the background for the </div> <div> tobacco thing."</div> <bR> <bR> <div> "Donna, look at me." Josh said as he gently placed his hand on her </div> <div> chin. "This has been a </div> <div> tough day for you, you can take a few minutes off."</div> <bR> <bR> <div> "But that's just it," Donna whispered. "If I let myself start crying </div> <div> now, I don't know when, </div> <div> or if, I'll be able to stop."</div> <bR> <bR> <div> Josh didn't know what to say to her. He wanted to take away her pain, </div> <div> to make everything </div> <div> better. He was stunned by Mrs. Landingham's death. He had just spoken </div> <div> with her a few </div> <div> hours ago about her new car. How could this all be happening at once? </div> <bR> <bR> <div> He reached out for Donna and drew her into his arms, needing to be </div> <div> comforted as much </div> <div> as wanting to comfort. It only took a second for Donna to relax. She </div> <div> wrapped her arms </div> <div> around him. But almost immediately, the phone rang. Donna pulled away.</div> <bR> <bR> <div> "Josh Lyman's office," she said into the phone, evening out her voice </div> <div> to conceal any hint </div> <div> of the tears in her eyes.</div> <bR> <bR> <div> "I'll tell him," she said, and then hung up.</div> <bR> <bR> <div> She turned to Josh. "They need you downstairs," she said.</div> <bR> <bR> <div> "Can't it wait?" he asked.</div> <bR> <bR> <div> "I got the impression that it couldn't," she said sadly as she stood </div> <div> up.</div> <bR> <bR> <div> They walked out of his office together and as she moved towards her </div> <div> desk he asked, </div> <div> "Donna, are you going to be ok?"</div> <bR> <bR> <div> "I have to be," Donna said resolutely. "There's work to do."</div> <bR> <bR> <bR> <bR> <bR> <bR> <bR> <div> Toby, Josh, Sam and CJ sat around the table in the basement </div> <div> conference room. Each one </div> <div> had been devastated by the news of Mrs. Landingham's accident, but </div> <div> there was other </div> <div> business at hand.</div> <bR> <bR> <div>  They were trying to pound out the details of the press conference, </div> <div> attempting to </div> <div> anticipate the reporter's questions. Trying to gain as much control </div> <div> as possible over an </div> <div> entirely uncontrollable situation.</div> <bR> <bR> <div> "We need more medical statistics," CJ said. "We need to be able to </div> <div> give people the cold </div> <div> hard facts."</div> <bR> <bR> <div> "Donna's working on it now," Josh said. "She should have everything </div> <div> we need soon."</div> <bR> <bR> <div> "How is Donna doing?" Sam asked. In all of the turmoil of the day, he </div> <div> realized that he </div> <div> hadn't had a chance to stop by and see her.</div> <bR> <bR> <div> "Well," Josh said running his hand through his hair, "She was doing </div> <div> pretty good with the </div> <div> news of the President's MS. She was managing to hold it all together. </div> <div> But now with the </div> <div> news of Mrs. Landingham's death, I just don't know. That's a lot of </div> <div> bad news to get hit </div> <div> with in one day."</div> <bR> <bR> <div> "It certainly is," Toby agreed.</div> <bR> <bR> <div> "The problem is, right now Donna has no one to talk to." Josh </div> <div> said. "No one for support. </div> <div> The other assistants don't know yet so she can't talk to them. All of </div> <div> us that do know are </div> <div> so busy running around trying to control this thing, and handle the </div> <div> tobacco problem, and </div> <div> deal with Haiti that we don't really have time to talk to her. So she </div> <div> sits up there alone, </div> <div> trying to block it all out, and work. At least we all have each other </div> <div> to commiserate with, </div> <div> Donna is handling this alone."</div> <bR> <bR> <div> "I'll make a few minutes before my next briefing to talk to her, </div> <div> Josh. It's not much but </div> <div> it's the best I can do." CJ said.</div> <bR> <bR> <div> "Thanks, CJ. I'd really appreciate it." Josh said.</div> <bR> <bR> <div> "She was a real trooper when I told her about the MS," Toby said. "To </div> <div> tell you the truth, I </div> <div> wish I had reacted as well as she did. I was really very proud of </div> <div> her."</div> <bR> <bR> <div> "Maybe you should tell her that, Toby." Josh said. "I think it might </div> <div> help her to hear it."</div> <bR> <bR> <div> "I will," Toby said, inwardly cursing himself for not doing it sooner.</div> <bR> <bR> <div> "Ok," CJ said assuming the mother hen role. "The next few days are </div> <div> going to be brutal </div> <div> and it won't help anything if we are all too tired to function. Why </div> <div> don't we try grabbing a </div> <div> little sleep in shifts? I'm gonna sack out on the couch in my office </div> <div> for about 90 minutes </div> <div> or so. Josh, why don't you go ahead and crash next door. Toby and Sam </div> <div> can keep </div> <div> working on refining these questions, and then we'll take a shot at it </div> <div> while they sleep. </div> <div> Sound good?"</div> <bR> <bR> <div> "Yeah," all three men answered in unison.</div> <bR> <bR> <div> "I'm going to stretch my legs, Sam." Toby said "Why don't you run up </div> <div> to the mess and </div> <div> get some coffee, then we'll get going."</div> <bR> <bR> <div> "Will do." Sam said</div> <bR> <bR> <div> "I'll come wake you up when it's your shift, Josh."</div> <bR> <bR> <div> "Ok," Josh said tiredly. "I'll just go up and tell Donna where I'm </div> <div> going to be."</div> <bR> <bR> <div> "I'm headed up there, I'll tell her." Toby said.</div> <bR> <bR> <div> "Thanks." Josh replied. "I mean for everything."</div> <bR> <bR> <bR> <bR> <bR> <div> "Donna?" Toby said quietly as he approached her desk trying not to </div> <div> startle her. "How are </div> <div> you doing?"</div> <bR> <bR> <div> "I'm fine, Toby," she said. "I'm almost done with the research on the </div> <div> medical statistics. </div> <div> In fact, I'm printing them up now. What do you need me to do next?"</div> <bR> <bR> <div> "I need you to take a little break, try to get a few hours sleep." </div> <div> Toby said.</div> <bR> <bR> <div> "I'm ok," Donna said.</div> <bR> <bR> <div> "I'm sure you are," Toby said gently. "But you aren't going to be any </div> <div> good to anyone if </div> <div> you wear yourself out. So I want you to go downstairs and get a few </div> <div> hours sleep. Josh is </div> <div> already there so this is the perfect time. You can sleep while he </div> <div> sleeps and then you'll be </div> <div> ready to go when he needs you."</div> <bR> <bR> <div> "Are you sure?" Donna asked.</div> <bR> <bR> <div> "Positive." Toby said with a soft smile. </div> <bR> <bR> <div> Donna began to head for the basement when Toby called, "Donna?"</div> <bR> <bR> <div> "Yes?" she turned around.</div> <bR> <bR> <div> He walked towards her, trying to find the right words. When he was </div> <div> finally standing right </div> <div> in front of her he said, "You're handling this all very well, Donna </div> <div> and I appreciate it, in </div> <div> fact we all do. Your hard work isn't going unnoticed."</div> <bR> <bR> <div> "Thank you," Donna said.</div> <bR> <bR> <div> "I'm proud of you," Toby said, as his eyes briefly met hers then </div> <div> looked at the </div> <div> floor.</div> <bR> <bR> <div> Donna knew how much it had cost Toby to say that. He was not normally </div> <div> prone to giving </div> <div> those types of compliments to anyone, at least not anyone who wasn't </div> <div> in his inner circle. </div> <div> Donna wondered about the bond that she and Toby seemed to be forging-</div> <div> a relationship </div> <div> based on the sharing of bad news.</div> <bR> <bR> <div> "Thank you, Toby," she said placing her hand on his shoulder. "I </div> <div> won't let you down."</div> <bR> <bR> <div> "I know you wont," he said reaching up and patting her hand. "Now go </div> <div> get some sleep."</div> <bR> <bR> <div> Their eyes met for a brief moment and they exchanged small smiles. A </div> <div> silent </div> <div> acknowledgement that they would make it through this catastrophe, </div> <div> just as they had made </div> <div> it through Rosslyn. And even though they weren't close, by outward </div> <div> appearances, Donna </div> <div> knew that Toby would always be there, for support and comfort after </div> <div> the bad news hit. </div> <div> And Toby knew that Donna would always be there to show him the power </div> <div> of kindness </div> <div> and compassion.</div> <bR> <bR> <bR> <bR> <bR> <div> Donna slipped into the darkened room and she heard Josh's steady </div> <div> breathing coming </div> <div> from one of the couches. His sleeping form was barely illuminated by </div> <div> the light coming in </div> <div> under the door. </div> <bR> <bR> <div> Donna smiled. He hadn't even bothered to take off his tie before he </div> <div> fell asleep. She </div> <div> moved towards him and gently loosened the knot. Then she pulled the </div> <div> blanket over him </div> <div> and moved over to the other couch.</div> <bR> <bR> <div> She lay down and tried to get some sleep. But suddenly, with no work </div> <div> to keep her busy, </div> <div> nothing to focus her mind on, she could no longer hold back the </div> <div> tears. She cried for Mrs. </div> <div> Landingham, and she cried for President Bartlet, and she cried for </div> <div> Josh and CJ and Sam </div> <div> and Toby and Leo. Through her tears, she prayed that they could </div> <div> overcome this. That the </div> <div> people would understand. She cried for Mrs. Bartlet, who was going to </div> <div> be dragged </div> <div> through the mud because she was willing to do anything to save the </div> <div> man she loved. She </div> <div> cried for the Bartlet's three daughters, who were living under the </div> <div> specter of this illness. </div> <div> She cried for all of the broken promises and lost opportunities. She </div> <div> cried because the </div> <div> people around her, the people she cared about were all hurting and </div> <div> she couldn't do </div> <div> anything about it.</div> <bR> <bR> <div> She didn't hear Josh get up off his couch, didn't even register his </div> <div> presence until he had </div> <div> lay down beside her and taken her in his arms. He held her tightly </div> <div> and stroked her back, </div> <div> trying to help her calm down. </div> <bR> <bR> <div> Slowly but surely, her sobbing lessened.</div> <bR> <bR> <div> "I'm sorry," she said. "I really don't know what came over me."</div> <bR> <bR> <div> "Don't apologize, Donnatella. I'm amazed you made it this far. There </div> <div> isn't a person in </div> <div> this building that could have handled the day you've had without </div> <div> breaking down."</div> <bR> <bR> <div> Donna pulled back and looked directly into Josh's eyes, managing to </div> <div> make contact even </div> <div> in the darkness.</div> <bR> <bR> <div> "What happens now?" she asked in a quiet voice.</div> <bR> <bR> <div> "I'm not sure," Josh answered honestly. "But I can promise you one </div> <div> thing."</div> <bR> <bR> <div> "What's that?"</div> <bR> <bR> <div> "Whatever it is, you and I handle it together." He said as he pulled </div> <div> her back to his chest </div> <div> and placed a kiss on the top of her head.</div> <bR> <bR> <bR> <bR> <bR> </td> </tr></table></body>