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Not So Much Looking Good As Being Good
by Brandy
It was a hard victory- but then it seemed that all their victories of late came with a heady cost. It almost seemed as though they had made a career-defining play, but lost the big game. Or maybe it was the other way around. He wasn't sure anymore.
As he made his way back to his office, Josh noticed Donna standing by her desk, shoving things in her bag as she prepared to leave for the evening. Slowing his pace a bit, he watched her- trying to gauge her mood. He knew she was pissed, and he had a fairly good idea why. What he wasn't sure of was what he should or could do about it.
He approached her slowly, and knew the very moment she was aware of his presence. Her back was still to him, but he saw the tension suddenly stiffen her spine and the ever-so-slight hesitation as she reached over to grab her coat.
" Leaving already?" he asked, and watched as she slung her bag over her shoulder before turning to face him, her coat clutched in front of her. Her expression was almost dangerously neutral. Not a good sign.
" Yeah. I thought I'd take advantage of the relatively slow day and get in an early night for once. Did you need something?"
Josh noticed the blandness in her tone, which belied the shadows he saw flit briefly across her eyes. It was something only he would have noticed. So brief- so faint. Over the last few years she had certainly become a Magna Cum Laude graduate of the the school of Master Politician. So good that she could almost bluff the Master. Almost.
" Can we talk for a minute?" Josh asked, gesturing with a tilt of his head toward his office.
He watched for a moment as she debated her answer in her head. He could almost see the moment when she was about to tell him to 'shove it', or words to that effect and leave. It was then that he reached forward and just barely touched her hand- a brush touch- and added, "Please."
She nodded and walked ahead of him into his office. Josh shut the door behind them and walked over to his desk, leaning against the edge as she sat down in the chair next to where he stood.
With an inquisitive tilt of her head and a pointed look, Donna wordlessly urged him to speak his mind.
With a sigh of trepidation, Josh crossed his arms in front of him and said, " I get the feeling you're pissed at me."
Donna couldn't help but notice that his observation came out sounding like something halfway between guilty resignation and a fervent hope that he was mistaken. She was tempted to let him squirm for a while without answering him, but realized she didn't have the emotional energy to play that particular game.
" I'm not pissed."
She noticed the hope in his eyes turn to relief before she added,
" I'm disappointed."
It was almost comic to watch the relief that had come over him turn back to guilt- guilt tinged with anxiety.
" Is this about the errand I sent you on earlier?" Josh asked.
" If you're referring to that little spy mission you cooked up and sent me out on- yes- but only partially," she replied, and noticed the almost immediate reinforcement of his defensive posture.
" Okay... well, why don't we stick a pin in whatever else there is and deal with the Toby thing first."
" Fine."
" What I asked you to do.. you have to know that was necessary. I realize you weren't comfortable with it but it was... necessary."
" It was thoroughly unnecessary, Josh- and you know it."
" I do? I know that, huh? Because it seems to me that I'm pretty sure it was necessary and the events that followed will bear out the necessity of me knowing what Toby was up to. It was stupid and dangerous."
" Only in the scope of the right here and right now. When this is looked at in the context of history it will be considered nothing short of visionary." Donna replied, ignoring the strident tone in Josh's voice.
" A bold and visionary move that we'll never get credit for," Josh commented bitterly.
" So this is about who gets the credit?" Donna asked with an arched brow.
" Yes. Come on, Donna- you didn't walk into the movie half way through. You know what's going on. It's always about who gets the credit. What we can get done today- the muscle we show now- is the coin of exchange we use to buy what we need tomorrow."
" Well, I think that's a load of crap, but I'm going to pass that by for a moment."
" I'm thrilled."
" Don't get snotty with me Josh. You asked for this conversation." Donna shot back. She knew she shouldn't have let herself get drawn into this. She knew that Josh wanted some way to rationalize his feelings and actions, but maybe getting it all out was good. The time for pussy-footing around was over.
" I was talking to CJ one time. I forget what the topic was exactly, but she repeated something to me that Sam said to her once. He told her that it was ' about time we spent a little less time looking good and spent a little more time being good'. She told me she blew him off at the time, but she said that later she came to realize that he was right. Our focus shouldn't be on how good we look, it should be about the actual good we do."
" Toby should've told me."
" You should have trusted him to tell you when he could. Josh... you need to get out of damage control mode. You need to stop looking over your shoulder and second-guessing me and everyone else around you."
He looked annoyed at first, then he chuffed out something halfway between a sigh and a chuckle and said, " You're right. I shouldn't have sent you to spy on Toby- I'm sorry. Was it very bad?"
" I've had more pleasant conversations. I went with the cover you suggested, telling her we needed to discuss hair and make-up." Donna replied, relaxing a bit.
" Oh yeah? What did she say?"
" She offered to give me all the help she could."
" Ouch," Josh grimaced. " I'm sorry all over again."
" Yeah... well- payback's a bitch, and I can see her point. She's been getting a pretty big dose of 'you don't look/walk/talk like us- therefore you don't belong' . That's a tough place to be. It's roughly the same as becoming Senior Assistant to the Deputy Chief of Staff without benefit of a college degree. People assume things that aren't always true."
" Donna , I can assure you that no one assumes you are anything but the consummate professional -especially after the whole budget thing. I kept worrying that Angela was going to steal you away from me."
" Don't you think she didn't try, bucko, " she remarked with a teasing grin.
" Yet, here you are."
" Don't question your good fortune, Joshua."
"I never do," he replied with a quiet smile. " I really am sorry about sending you out to do something you were that uncomfortable with."
" Yeah, well... it did surprise me a little. I thought we were past you sending me out on the crazy Lucy Ricardo capers. I mean, I can take one for the team as well as the next gal, but...."
" What can I do to make it better?" Josh offered. He knew he was mostly out of the dog house with Donna, but he also knew a little punishment would be coming his way. It was best to get it out of the way before she had a chance to plot and plan.
He watched as she silently considered and discarded several ideas, knowing when she had made her decision by the satisfied little smirk that turned the corners of her mouth.
" Take me out for a drink," she replied.
' Well that was certainly easy,' he thought. Too easy.
" Okay." he replied, unable to hide the wary hesitation in his voice.
" And ask Toby to join us." she added, her eyes narrowing and her smile becoming just a hint predatory... and smug. It was uncannily like the expression Leo employed just as he was putting your ass in a well-deserved sling.
" Okay," he repeated, practically stuttering the word out.
" And Rena."
" Rena?"
" Yes, Josh. Rena. Toby's research assistant. Rena of the make-up tips. The person you sent me to pump information from about Toby. Rena, who apparently feels about as welcome here as a leper in a hot tub"
" Oh yeah.... uhmmm, what if either or both of them won't come?"
" Then you'll have to be your charmingly persuasive self and convince them."
" Okey-doke," he replied with a sigh, grabbing his bag and coat, and following Donna as she lead the way to Toby's office.
" You really think I'm 'charmingly persuasive'?" he asked with a little grin. Even though he was behind her, and she couldn't see him, she knew he was grinning.
" This is punishment time, Josh. You're not getting any milk and cookies." she replied with a quasi-firm frown. Of course, he couldn't see her frown anymore than she could see his grin, but he knew it was there, all the same.
" See... that means that you do, but you just don't want to admit it."
Donna could feel the smug little smirk she knew was plastered across his face and decided a well placed threat was in order.
" Josh..."
" Yes, Donna."
" I'm letting you know right now- if Rena offers to give me make-up lessons again, I'm ordering the most expensive bottle of champagne I can find and you're paying for it."
" You're going to let me get you drunk on champagne? Cool..."
At that, Donna turned to him and with an even more predatory smile than before said, " Who said I was going to drink it, cupcake?"
" Do I want to know what you would do with it?"
" I wouldn't if I were you..."
" I just knew you were going to say that." he muttered as they walked into Toby's office.
The End
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