Up Against the Wall

<body topmargin=0 leftmargin=0 marginheight=0 marginwidth=0> <table cellpadding=0 cellspacing=0 border=0 height="100%"><tr> <td valign="top" width=200 BGCOLOR="#003399" TEXT="#080000" background="03fc8c00erkjxk.jpg"> <div> <B>Second installment in the    " Omens" series.</B></div> </td> <td valign="top" BGCOLOR="#0066CC" TEXT="#080000"> <div> <FONT SIZE="5" COLOR="#99CCFF" FACE="Arial" ><B>Smiles, Tears, & Happy Endings</B></FONT><FONT SIZE="1" COLOR="#FFFF99" FACE="Arial" > </FONT><FONT SIZE="1" COLOR="#FFFFFF" FACE="Arial" > </FONT><FONT SIZE="1" COLOR="#CC0000" FACE="Arial" > </FONT>  |     <A HREF="index.htm" TARGET="_top" TITLE="Smiles, Tears, Happy Endings"><U>home</U></A></div> <div> <A HREF="id18.htm" TARGET="_top" TITLE="Brandys Stories"><U>Brandy's Stories</U></A>   |   <A HREF="id24.htm" TARGET="_top" TITLE="The Other Side"><U>The Other Side</U></A>   |   <A HREF="id25.htm" TARGET="_top" TITLE="Getaway"><U>Getaway</U></A>   |   <A HREF="id32.htm" TARGET="_top" TITLE="Deserved Recognition"><U>Deserved Recognition</U></A>   |   <A HREF="id33.htm" TARGET="_top" TITLE="The End of These Days"><U>The End of These Days</U></A>   |   <A HREF="id34.htm" TARGET="_top" TITLE="Moving On"><U>Moving On</U></A>   |   <A HREF="id35.htm" TARGET="_top" TITLE="Lessons Learned Shared"><U>Lessons- Learned & Shared</U></A>   |   <A HREF="id43.htm" TARGET="_top" TITLE="So, I Had This Dream..."><U>So, I Had This Dream...</U></A>   |   <A HREF="id214.htm" TARGET="_top" TITLE="The Perfect Plan"><U>The Perfect Plan</U></A>   |   <A HREF="id215.htm" TARGET="_top" TITLE="The Incredibly Campy Road Trip From Hell"><U>The Incredibly Campy Road Trip From Hell</U></A>   |   <A HREF="id216.htm" TARGET="_top" TITLE="A Whole New Story"><U>A Whole New Story</U></A>   |   <A HREF="id217.htm" TARGET="_top" TITLE="What Are Friends For? "><U>What Are Friends For? </U></A>   |   <A HREF="id218.htm" TARGET="_top" TITLE="Walking The Wire"><U>Walking The Wire</U></A>   |   <A HREF="id219.htm" TARGET="_top" TITLE="Foreshadowing, Omens Evidence of Other "><U>Foreshadowing, Omens & Evidence of Other Things in the Wind</U></A>   |   <B>Up Against the Wall</B>   |   <A HREF="id223.htm" TARGET="_top" TITLE="The Sum Of My Fears"><U>The Sum Of My Fears</U></A>   |   <A HREF="id220.htm" TARGET="_top" TITLE="Our Dance"><U>Our Dance</U></A>   |   <A HREF="id221.htm" TARGET="_top" TITLE="Shes Got a Way"><U>She's Got a Way</U></A>   |   <A HREF="id52.htm" TARGET="_top" TITLE="Take My Hand"><U>Take My Hand</U></A>   |   <A HREF="id53.htm" TARGET="_top" TITLE="May Perspective"><U>May Perspective</U></A>   |   <A HREF="id56.htm" TARGET="_top" TITLE="How Bad Can It Get"><U>How Bad Can It Get</U></A>   |   <A HREF="id181.htm" TARGET="_top" TITLE="Small Mistakes"><U>Small Mistakes</U></A>   |   <A HREF="id182.htm" TARGET="_top" TITLE="Nightcaps"><U>Nightcaps</U></A>   |   <A HREF="id183.htm" TARGET="_top" TITLE="Crazy Boys"><U>Crazy Boys</U></A>   |   <A HREF="id184.htm" TARGET="_top" TITLE="A Need For Comfort"><U>A Need For Comfort</U></A>   |   <A HREF="id81.htm" TARGET="_top" TITLE="Looking Back"><U>Looking Back</U></A>   |   <A HREF="id109.htm" TARGET="_top" TITLE="The Nature of Family"><U>The Nature of Family</U></A>   |   <A HREF="id210.htm" TARGET="_top" TITLE="Wistful Thoughts On A Snowy Night"><U>Wistful Thoughts On A Snowy Night</U></A>   |   <A HREF="id212.htm" TARGET="_top" TITLE="A Good Brother/Son/Friend"><U>A Good Brother/Son/Friend</U></A>   |   <A HREF="id111.htm" TARGET="_top" TITLE="When All Else Fails"><U>When All Else Fails</U></A>   |   <A HREF="id187.htm" TARGET="_top" TITLE="Someone Like You"><U>Someone Like You</U></A>   |   <A HREF="id213.htm" TARGET="_top" TITLE="A Wish For My Friend"><U>A Wish For My Friend</U></A>   |   <A HREF="id188.htm" TARGET="_top" TITLE="Unspoken"><U>Unspoken</U></A>   |   <A HREF="id189.htm" TARGET="_top" TITLE="A Brief Glimpse"><U>A Brief Glimpse</U></A>   |   <A HREF="id190.htm" TARGET="_top" TITLE="Sanctuary"><U>Sanctuary</U></A>   |   <A HREF="id191.htm" TARGET="_top" TITLE="Contemplation"><U>Contemplation</U></A>   |   <A HREF="id192.htm" TARGET="_top" TITLE="Dirty Work"><U>Dirty Work</U></A>   |   <A HREF="id193.htm" TARGET="_top" TITLE="Precious Moments"><U>Precious Moments</U></A>   |   <A HREF="id194.htm" TARGET="_top" TITLE="Almost Normal"><U>Almost Normal</U></A>   |   <A HREF="id195.htm" TARGET="_top" TITLE="Never Enough"><U>Never Enough</U></A>   |   <A HREF="id112.htm" TARGET="_top" TITLE="The World According To Mark..."><U>The World According To Mark...</U></A>   |   <A HREF="id135.htm" TARGET="_top" TITLE="Heart Cards, Flowers Sweet Stuff"><U>Heart Cards, Flowers & Sweet Stuff</U></A>   |   <A HREF="id185.htm" TARGET="_top" TITLE="Amazed"><U>Amazed</U></A>   |   <A HREF="id199.htm" TARGET="_top" TITLE="Last Call of the Night"><U>Last Call of the Night</U></A>   |   <A HREF="id206.htm" TARGET="_top" TITLE="The Fortuitous Visitor"><U>The Fortuitous Visitor</U></A>   |   <A HREF="id136.htm" TARGET="_top" TITLE="Loose Ends"><U>Loose Ends</U></A>   |   <A HREF="id225.htm" TARGET="_top" TITLE="TeaSympathy Under the Mistletoe"><U>Tea&Sympathy Under the Mistletoe</U></A>   |   <A HREF="id229.htm" TARGET="_top" TITLE="Not So Much Looking Good As Being Good"><U>Not So Much Looking Good As Being Good</U></A>   |   <A HREF="id230.htm" TARGET="_top" TITLE="The Moment of Truth"><U>The Moment of Truth</U></A>   |   <A HREF="id231.htm" TARGET="_top" TITLE="Control Choices"><U>Control & Choices</U></A>   |   <A HREF="id36.htm" TARGET="_top" TITLE="Anniversaries AdoAnnie"><U>Anniversaries & Ado-Annie</U></A>   |   <A HREF="id37.htm" TARGET="_top" TITLE="The NonOccasion Occasion"><U>The Non-Occasion Occasion</U></A>   |   <A HREF="id38.htm" TARGET="_top" TITLE="Interlude"><U>Interlude</U></A>   |   <A HREF="id39.htm" TARGET="_top" TITLE="Misdirection Understatement"><U>Misdirection & Understatement</U></A>   |   <A HREF="id51.htm" TARGET="_top" TITLE="Meeting, Damn Depositions Rules"><U>Meeting, Damn Depositions & Rules</U></A>   |   <A HREF="id54.htm" TARGET="_top" TITLE="Realizations Revelations"><U>Realizations &Revelations</U></A>   |   <A HREF="id207.htm" TARGET="_top" TITLE="A Liberating Quality"><U>A Liberating Quality</U></A></div> <div> Up Against the Wall</div> <bR> <div> By Brandy</div> <bR> <bR> <bR> <bR> <bR> <div> <I>"When you come to the edge of all the light you know, and are about the step off into the darkness of the unknown, faith is knowing one of two things will happen: there will be something to stand on, or you will be taught how to fly." -Barbara Johnson </I></div> <bR> <div> <I>"There are only two ways to live your life. One is as though nothing is a miracle. The other is as if everything is." -Albert Einstein </I></div> <bR> <div> <I>"Never give up, for that is just the place and time that the tide will turn." -Harriet Beecher Stowe </I></div> <bR> <div> <I>"True hope dwells on the possible, even when life seems to be a plot written by someone who wants to see how much adversity we can overcome. True hope responds to the real world, to real life; it is an active effort." -Walter Anderson </I></div> <bR> <div> <I>"Each difficult moment has the potential to open my eyes and open my heart." -Myla Kabat-Zinn </I></div> <bR> <div> <I>"Whatever does not destroy me makes me stronger." -Friedrich Wilhelm Nietzsche </I></div> <bR> <div> <I>" Once again, the world was spinning in greased grooves." John Steinbeck</I></div> <bR> <bR> <bR> <bR> <bR> <div> <B>Donna's POV~</B></div> <bR> <bR> <div>    Josh just came back to his office, looking as bad as I have seen him since that Christmas two years ago. I was sitting behind his desk, away from the noise and air of anxiety and tension in the bullpen, when he walked in. He closed the door slowly, and with the kind of precision and care that suggested what he really wanted to do was slam the thing off its hinges. When he turned around, he closed his eyes for a second, leaning against the door. After a moment, he opened his eyes and looked at me. A moment of understanding passed between us, and I got up and walked over to him. We didn't touch each other or speak, but communicated in our own way with one another. Finally, I had to speak- had to say something, because the air around us was so thick with emotion I felt I had to make some stab at returning us to normalcy. </div> <div> " Is it done?" I asked, knowing that he'd just come from the Oval Office. </div> <div> " Yeah," he responded, his voice choked- barely more than a whisper. </div> <div> I looked down, away from the raw emotion in Josh's eyes. I couldn't see that. I had to have a moment... a moment to myself before I could look back into his eyes and assure him that everything would be all right. That the President would be all right- that Zoey would come back safe. I needed a brief second to remind myself that I believed in faith and hope, that no matter what I would not, nor would I allow Josh to, give in to despair. When I looked back into his deep brown eyes, I was a bit surprised to see that there was concern in them for me. With everything else that had happened, he still had room to worry about me. </div> <div> " It'll be okay," he said, his voice shaking a little as he pulled me into his arms. </div> <div> " I think that was supposed to be my line," I said, my voice muffled against his shirt-front. </div> <div> " You can remind me later- when I forget- but for now we'll do this together. We'll take care of each other. It doesn't always have to be you. It's not fair and I don't want you to always be the one..." </div> <div> He trailed off as he gave me one last reassuring hug before pulling slightly away. </div> <div> " Together. All of us," I took a deep reaffirming breath, then asked, "Speaking of- how are the others?" </div> <div> " Okay, I think. Managing anyway. Apart from the President and the First Lady I'm worried about Leo more than anyone." </div> <div> " Why?" I asked.Leo always seemed invincible to me- able to weather and withstand anything.</div> <div> " I don't know... the look on his face when the President left the Oval and the Speaker was sworn in. He looked like I felt when..." </div> <div> " When what?" I asked, although I almost didn't want to hear his answer. </div> <div> " How I felt when they told me Joanie died," he replied, his voice barely above a whisper. </div> <div> I didn't think it was possible for me to feel worse than I did until that very moment. Of all the times for Josh to have to deal with that particular memory, this was the worst. The fact that I had prompted him into saying it out loud made me feel despicable. </div> <div> " Josh... I..."</div> <div> " No. Don't. You didn't do anything wrong. It was already there. The fact that you understand makes it easier. Don't ask me why, but it does," he said, taking my hand for a brief moment.</div> <div> " Okay," I replied with a shaky smile, deciding to shelve the guilt I still felt for the moment. I decided the best thing to do was move past the personal and emotional and onto the practical and professional. " What do we need to do now?" </div> <div> " I think you should go home and get some sleep-" </div> <div> " Are you?" I asked with a pointed look. I already knew the answer, and he knew it. </div> <div> " I'm...uh, I'm going to catch a little sleep soon, but I want to be around in case..." </div> <div> " I'll sleep when you sleep, and since we both know that's not going to happen any time soon, we might as well do something productive. Has there been any contact since the fax?" </div> <div> " No, but it hasn't been that long," he said slumping into his chair and raking his hands through his hair. When he looked up again, he had an odd, and slightly tender look on his face. " Did you know that Toby and Andi named their little girl Molly?"</div> <div> " Yes. I thought it was a beautiful gesture. It's a lovely name." </div> <div> " It's odd to think of Toby as a father. You know what I mean?" </div> <div> " Kind of. But I think he felt sort of the same way. Until it happened, that is.Then it wasn't an idea anymore. It just was. They were real, and so was what he felt." </div> <div> Josh looked up at me, slightly confused, then he nodded with a trace of a smile on his lips. </div> <div> " Yeah, I guess a lot of things are like that. You can't imagine how you'll deal with this totally unexpected thing that happens to you. I mean you understand that it's happening, but only on an intellectual level. You think about it, and toss it around in your head. You worry over it until you've created all these problems and anxieties, but when it's right there in front of you, it all becomes so simple. It's no longer something you need to think about- it just is." </div> <div> As he spoke, I thought about the conversation I had with Amy earlier in the evening. I thought about the question she had asked, and the thoughts and feelings it had provoked. The strangest part of that conversation was the realization that I had come to. The constant act of trying to sublimate, circumvent and outright hide the feelings I had for Josh had been an exercise in futility. It had done nothing more than postpone the inevitable. I felt the way I felt, and I was beginning to believe that Josh might have similar feelings. I was also beginning to wonder if others had noticed the same thing Amy had noticed, and had simply not commented on it. Or maybe Amy had reached her conclusion because she still had feelings for Josh and one woman instinctively recognizes an emotional adversary when she sees one.</div> <div> Whatever the reason, it was out there. The question had been asked. It had been pushed aside in the tide of everything else that had happened that night, but it would be back. There was no more room to run from it, and to be honest, I really didn't want to. Not anymore.</div> <div> " Donna?" </div> <div> " Yeah?" </div> <div> " You okay? For a minute I thought you'd actually managed to fall asleep with your eyes open." </div> <div> " No...sorry. I was just thinking about something." </div> <div> " Anything you care to share?" </div> <div> I thought about that for a second before shaking my head, " No- not right now, anyway. Later, I promise." </div> <div> " Okay. I'll hold you to that." </div> <div> " Good. I'm counting on it," I said, and started to walk back out to the bullpen. " I'm going to check the wires, then check in with CJ. Okay?" </div> <div> " Sure. Then go sack out somewhere. At least for a few hours." </div> <div> When he saw that I was about to argue with him, he forestalled me with his next words, " I'm going to check in with Leo one more time, then I'm going to do the same. I promise." </div> <div> " See that you do." </div> <div> He smiled ruefully at my warning, and I knew that eventually he would do as I instructed. He would, of course, see to Leo first. I knew that. Josh would never put his own comfort before the needs of someone he cared about- particularly at a time like this. It was funny sometimes how certain members of our group never doubted the loyalty and support we either gave or received from each other. It was, in its own way, a testimony to the deep love and respect we had for each other- each defined in its own individual way.</div> <div> Yes... Josh would see to Leo, Leo would see to the President, I would see to Josh, and in time we would see to each other. This was a fact beyond question - it simply was.</div> <div> ***************************************</div> <bR> <div>    The next seventy-two hours were the longest any of us had endured since Rosslyn. It was with the same kind of breathless anxiety and fervent pleas to God that we waited to find out Zoey's fate. Finally, when it looked as though despair would overcome us all, there was word that the FBI had a strong lead. Information that might take them to the place that Zoey was being held. </div> <div> It was six excruciating hours from the time that the FBI informed President Bartlet about the tip until final confirmation was made. </div> <div> It was successful.</div> <div> Zoey was found in a long abandoned warehouse in some obscure little town in north-western Virginia. She had been bound, gagged and blind-folded, and kept in a room barely larger than a closet. But she was alive. Bruised, dehydrated, physically shaken and emotionally terrified, but blessedly alive. Her captors where gone, and obviously had been for some time. </div> <div> While crime scene units descended on the warehouse, combing it over with pain-staking, meticulous detail, Zoey was bundled into a helicopter and flown home. </div> <div> I will never forget the moment the call came from Leo. Josh and I had been waiting in his office, knowing that word would come soon, and unable to even go through the motions of trying to concentrate on anything else. We had, by unspoken agreement, decided to wait together. When the phone rang, we both leapt for it, but Josh got there first, and unable to stay where I was, I rounded the desk to stand beside him. My eyes never left his face for the few moments it took for Leo to pass on the information, and for a terrifying split second I feared the worst, as I saw tears fill Josh's eyes. The only thing Josh said before hanging up the phone was 'Thank you,Leo." </div> <div> Barely able to speak past the lump in my throat, I whispered Josh's name. That one word was question and plea, all rolled into one. He turned to face me, and I saw that, although tears were brimming in his eyes, they were shining, and a slow grin was turning up the corners of his mouth.</div> <div> " She's alive. They've got her."</div> <div> Then, as if speaking the words made it even more real, he vaulted out of his chair and grabbed me up into his arms, holding me tight. </div> <div> " Zoey's alive!!! She's coming home!!" he shouted, twirling me around in his arms, laughing and crying as he did. </div> <div> Soon the reality of what he was saying became my own reality and I was laughing and crying right along with him, returning his embrace. Joy, relief and exaltation tripped over each other in their demand to be released. </div> <div> Some part of my mind registered hearing the cheers and babble of relieved voices growing out in the bullpen as the wonderful news rippled beyond us like joyous waves. The door to Josh's office was open, and I knew this moment of private celebration between us couldn't last forever, but some part of me wanted it to. I looked into Josh's shining eyes and saw that his joy wasn't merely contained to Zoey's safe return to us, but more than that, a victorious exhilaration that 'they' didn't get another one. This time the scales tipped in Josh's favor. He didn't have to face the loss of someone else he loved. In this, I completely shared his joy </div> <div> As I knew it would, our private celebration ended long before I wished it would, but the way it ended was not something I had foreseen. Although, given what had happened a few nights before, it shouldn't have surprised me. </div> <div> " Josh, did you hear about Zoey?!" Amy exclaimed as she rushed through his open office door. At the sight of us in each other's arms, she stopped short. " Oh...I guess you already did." </div> <div> I could feel the heat burning my cheeks at Amy's scrutiny. She was leaning in the doorway and the look on her face as she took in the sight of Josh and I, still in each other's arms, spoke volumes. I made an effort to move out of Josh's embrace, but he held me close. Whether it was by conscious design or impulse , I didn't know. I do know that Amy noticed his action. I glanced at his expression then, and noticed something quite astounding. He didn't appear uncomfortable, or even slightly guilty. His happiness was not diminished one little bit. His grin was wide and full when he glanced at her, and said, " Yeah. It's great isn't it?" </div> <div> " Yeah," she replied. Then she turned her gaze from Josh to me, and with a rueful grin and a slight shake of her head, she said, " Donna, you remember that thing I asked you the other night?" </div> <div> At my slight nod, she continued. </div> <div> " Yeah, well- I don't need that information anymore. I figured it out all by myself. Good luck. You're going to need it." </div> <div> With that she was gone. </div> <div> I could feel Josh's attention centered solely on me again, and turning to look into his eyes, I saw amusement and lingering joy, mingled with a trace of confusion. </div> <div> " What was she talking about?" </div> <div> " How about I tell you later. We've got some things to do first." </div> <div> " Okay... Does it have anything to do with that thing you were thinking about the other night?" </div> <div> " Sort of," I replied, somewhat shocked that he even remembered that conversation.</div> <div> " Okay- but you know, at this rate we're going to be doing a lot of talking," Josh observed with a teasing grin. </div> <div> " At the very least. It's about time, don't you think?" I asked, wondering if he realized that we were both speaking in some sort of elaborate code that only we knew, and what's more that we were both speaking it at the same time for once. </div> <div> " Yeah, I do. Past time if you ask me. But unfortunately-" </div> <div> " Work first," I said, completing his thought. </div> <div> " Yeah. But this is the fun part." </div> <div> " Not quite- but it's getting there," I commented with a wide grin. </div> <div> We both laughed and then without missing a beat we made the almost imperceptible transition from being Josh and Donna to Deputy Chief of Staff and Deputy-Deputy Chief of Staff. Phone calls started flooding in and CJ, Toby and Will made fleeting appearances in Josh's doorway with questions and comments. Everybody had ridiculously happy grins on their faces. Everything was once again falling back into its proper place, and the view ahead looked very rosy. </div> <div> *******************************************</div> <div> Josh's POV~</div> <bR> <bR> <div> The morning after Zoey was rescued, President Bartlet signed the letter that legally restored him as Commander-in-Chief. After a private breakfast meeting with former Speaker Glenn Walken, President Bartlet requested the senior staff to join him in the Oval Office.</div> <div>  I remember walking into that meeting with the same kind of energy and excitement that I had during my first meeting in the Oval, four and a half years earlier. My mood was slightly tempered though when I saw the changes the last few days had wrought on the President . </div> <div> There was a weariness to him that I had never seen before - even in those awful, dark days following Mrs.Landingham's funeral and the public MS disclosure. I understood that he and Abbey had just lived through one of the worst things a parent could, but it was over now. She was home- safe and sound. Shaken and bruised, yes- but alive and well. It was time for celebration... wasn't it? </div> <div>   It was only later, after the meeting was over, and I was talking to Toby, that I fully understood.</div> <bR> <div>   Regardless of my personal impressions of the President, the meeting went very well. President Bartlet thanked us all for the loyalty and support we had given to him and the decision he had made in the midst of the crisis. He applauded us all on our unflagging professionalism and tireless efforts to keep everything running smoothly in his abscence. Then, after recieving a short briefing on what was on the day's agenda, and making some comments and suggestions, he ended the meeting. </div> <div>   Leo stayed with him, as I knew he would, but part of me wished I could talk to him. Leo, that is- and ask him why the President still looked as though the weight of the world was on his shoulders. He was, of course, the President, and that was a very real and heavy burden- but he had always carried that burden with grace and ease... as though it were a natural thing. Now, it appeared to be a far heavier load. </div> <div>   I wandered the halls a bit after the meeting broke up, and eventually found myself at Toby's door. He had one eye on CJ's morning briefing and the other eye on some remarks he was sketching out for a national address the President would be giving Friday night. </div> <bR> <div>   " Hey," I said, walking into his office and taking a seat on his couch. </div> <bR> <div>   " You need something?" he asked, looking up briefly from what he was writing. It was quite obvious in his tone that he didn't appreciate the interruption. </div> <bR> <div>   " Uh...yeah... no. I'm not sure." </div> <bR> <div>   " Josh, I'm trying to work here. How about you go somewhere... you know- else, and decide," he grumbled, returning his attention to the legal pad in front of him. </div> <bR> <div>   I ignored his suggestion and continued to sit there while I figured out the best way to articulate the thoughts I had been having. </div> <bR> <div>   " How did he seem to you?" I finally asked. </div> <bR> <div>   " Who?" he asked distractedly.</div> <bR> <div>  " The President," I responded, a degree of impatience slipping into my voice. </div> <bR> <div>   In response, Toby heaved a pained sigh, and tossing the legal pad and pen on his desk, gave me a look that was a completely Toby-like combination of confusion, annoyance and concern.</div> <div>  </div> <div>   " What about him?" </div> <bR> <div>  " Didn't he seem a little... I don't know- off?" </div> <bR> <div>   " Off?" Toby repeated, giving me a pointed look. </div> <div>   </div> <div>  " Yeah... I expected... I don't know. I expected him to be different. I... he looks like he's still in the middle of all this stuff with Zoey- not that it's over and she's safe and sound. It just... I don't know- threw me a little." </div> <bR> <div>   Toby sat back in his chair, not saying anything for the longest time, then he sat forward and looking intently at me, he asked me something I didn't expect him to. </div> <bR> <div>   " If it had been Donna that had been taken - supposedly as a way to get to you, to force you to do something, and she had eventually been found safe- how would you feel?" </div> <bR> <div>   Although the question was totally unexpected, I didn't need even a split second to consider my answer. </div> <div>   " Devastated that she had been subjected to that, elated that she was safe, and ...riddled with guilt that it had happened at all," I replied, getting a glimpse of the terror that the President must have experienced as I considered Donna in that position. The funny thing is- stuff like that had trotted across my mind before. For example, one of the things I can be truly thankful for about the whole Rosslyn episode was that Donna wasn't there. I also thought about it the night I was interviewing Joe. All those ridiculous letters... the ones I do my level best to brush off as the wandering babbles of the nutty, but esssentailly harmless, multitudes. That letter that Donna got wasn't quite so easy to dismiss though. Mostly because it was so... creepy. Targeting Donna for no other reason than she works closely with me, and the President. The idea of some nameless crazy etching her name into bullets that he intended on firing into her body gave me chills. It still does. Feeling that involuntary shudder run through my body again, I caught Toby watching me carefully. In that instant, he knew I understood. </div> <div>   " It's feelings like that made me come rushing back here that night. I was with Huck and Molly- just looking at them, and I saw those clips of the President and Zoey they were running. For an instant, I could see myself as the father in those clips, playing with my child, feeling what he felt for his child. Just like that, I was in his shoes- experiencing what he did when they told him about Zoey. At that moment, you're nothing more than a terrified father- there's no room for anything else."  </div> <bR> <div>  " Yeah, " I agreed, then I asked Toby one more question. " You got it because you identified with him as a father- right?" </div> <div>  </div> <div>   " Yeah." </div> <bR> <div> " But when you were trying to get me to understand, you put Donna in that situation- why?" </div> <bR> <div>   Giving me a  rather pointed look, he said, " You don't have kids..... yet." </div> <div> That's it.That's all he said. Out loud, that is. The look in his eyes was saying a lot more, and I knew that he knew a lot more about Donna and me than he had ever commented on. </div> <bR> <div>   " Okay. Well, I'm gonna..." </div> <bR> <div>  " Let me get back to work, and go somewhere else to play?" he finished with a smirk. </div> <bR> <div>  " Yeah." I replied with an answering grin and left. </div> <div> ~~~~</div> <bR> <div>   " Where have you been?" Donna asked as I breezed past her desk on the way to my office. </div> <bR> <div>   " Surveying my domain." </div> <bR> <div>  " You don't say, Charlemagne? Well- you're late for your meeting with Congressman Skinner, and it's not my fault." </div> <bR> <div>   " Did I say it was?" </div> <div>  </div> <div>   " No- but you were going to, and I was merely heading you off at the pass." </div> <bR> <div>  " That was quite unneccesary of you, Donnatella. I assure you I had no intention of blaming you for anything." </div> <bR> <div>   " Whatever you say," she muttered, not bothering to hide the blatant sarcasm in her voice. </div> <bR> <div>   " What does the rest of the day look like?" I asked. </div> <div>  </div> <div>   " Not too bad. We may actually be able to get out of here before nine," she replied, flipping through my schedule.</div> <bR> <div>   " Really? That's practically like a holiday around here. I won't know what to do with myself." </div> <bR> <div>   " Yeah- I was thinking of doing something wild and frivolous - like eating a real meal and going to bed."  </div> <bR> <div>  " Now that sounds promising..."  I said, waggling my eyebrows at her in a playfully suggestive way. </div> <bR> <div>  " Is that your unique way of inviting me to dinner?" </div> <bR> <div>  " Take-out and a movie at my place?" I offered. </div> <bR> <div>   " You're on.I pick the movie." </div> <bR> <div>  " Don't you always?" I asked, with a grin, already knowing the answer.</div> <bR> <div>  " Well, it's been a while. Maybe I forgot," she replied, looking a little uncomfortable for a moment. </div> <bR> <div>   " Then it's time to fix that," I replied, touching her shoulder briefly. She met my eyes then, and I saw the happy smile in them. </div> <bR> <div>   " That would be nice." </div> <bR> <div>  " And after the movie, we have that talk." </div> <bR> <div>  " Okay," she replied, her voice suddenly a little breathless. </div> <bR> <div>  " Okay... good." </div> <bR> <div>  " Congressman Skinner's waiting," she reminded me with a little nod in the direction of my office. </div> <bR> <div>   "Okay. Well... then I'm going to go talk to him," I said and with one last look, I walked into my office, wondering how in the world I was going to keep my mind on what I was meeting with Matt about. Especially since I couldn't seem to get my mind off a far more important conversation I would be having later that night. </div> <div> *************************************************************</div> <bR> <bR> <div> Ten-fifteen that evening....</div> <bR> <div>  </div> <bR> <div> Josh answered the door of his apartment with an impatient crease to his brow, and without so much as a hello, pulled Donna inside. </div> <bR> <div> " You're late.The food is getting cold." </div> <bR> <div> " Good evening to you to Josh," she answered, rolling her eyes a bit at his tone. </div> <bR> <div> " Sorry, but I was beginning to worry. What took you so long?" </div> <bR> <div> " I had to stop by my place and change and get my messages. I'd almost forgotten what the place looked like. Then my Mom called and she wanted me to fill her in on everything that's been happening."</div> <bR> <bR> <div> " What? CNN's wall-to-wall coverage wasn't enough for her?" </div> <bR> <div> " She has this idea I always know more than is being reported..." </div> <bR> <div> " Yeah, my mom's the same way. The only difference is, that she doesn't want to know what I know," Josh replied with a smirk. </div> <bR> <div> " I wish I could say the same, but ... anyway, she eventually got the message that I was on my way out and wasn't in the mood for a long chat. Then I stopped at the video store and the lines were awful." </div> <bR> <div> " What did you get?" Josh asked, reaching for the bag she had just dropped on the coffee table.Before he could look inside though, Donna snatched the bag out of his hand. </div> <bR> <div> " Feed me first," she said holding the bag away from his reach. </div> <bR> <div> " I can't even look? That's not fair." </div> <bR> <div> " Deal with it. I'm starving, and I'm the one who had to stand in the line from hell before I could leave and come here for my promised meal. All you had to do was pick up take-out." </div> <bR> <div> " Actually all I did was pick up the phone," Josh admitted with a little grin. </div> <bR> <div> " Feed me!" Donna replied with a mock growl that soon dissolved into laughter. Josh couldn't help but grin at her, and with a shrug of good natured surrender, he grabbed her hand, and together they walked over to the table where everything had been laid out. Donna had to admit, it was quite the feast- not to mention, quite the variety of tastes. </div> <bR> <div> " What is this- a foray into eclectic cuisine?" Donna asked as she eyed the variety of dishes spread out on Josh's table.</div> <bR> <div> There was Carolina Pull-Apart Chicken BBQ and Cole slaw from this place called "Daisy's" that Ainsley had introduced them to. Next to that were Maryland Crab cakes, and Shrimp and Pasta salad from "Chesapeake Landing". There was Beef Lo-Mein and Cashew Shrimp from "Fong's", and finally a plump Calzone from " L'Italia" and half of a New York Cheesecake from the bakery around the corner from Josh's apartment. </div> <bR> <div> " Uhmmm... I couldn't decide what I had a taste for- or what you were in the mood for. The cheesecake I already had," Josh admitted with a sheepish little grin. </div> <bR> <div> " Were you expecting others to share this with us?" Donna asked, an eyebrow arched inquisitively. </div> <bR> <div> " No... just hoping to have a long leisurely evening and catch up on the pleasure of several things that I've had to postpone enjoying of late, " Josh replied as he moved closer to where Donna stood, taking her hand in his once again, his eyes never leaving hers. </div> <bR> <div> " Like a good meal?" Donna asked, her eyes dancing, and a little smile playing along the corners of her mouth. </div> <bR> <div> " That's one thing... but not the most important." </div> <bR> <div> " What's the most important?" Donna asked, a little breathlessly. </div> <bR> <div> " I'm looking at what's most important," Josh replied softly, the smile on his lips extending to his warm brown eyes. He brought her hand to his lips and brushed a kiss across her fingertips, then gently pulled her into his arms. " I'm holding on to what's most important." </div> <bR> <div> " Josh?" </div> <bR> <div> " Yeah?" he asked as he brushed a strand of hair away from her cheek, his hand lingering there, caressing the line of her jaw. </div> <bR> <div> " I'm... I think you're trying to tell me something- I'm just not sure I know exactly-" </div> <bR> <div> " Then maybe I better clarify my statement," he said as he captured her mouth with his and kissed her with all the pent-up desire he had been feeling since the night of the Inauguration- maybe since long before then. </div> <bR> <div> There was the tiniest moment of hesitation on her part, although the part of his mind that could still function properly realized that it was more surprise than hesitation. After that moment, he felt her full and enthusiastic return of his attention. It was then that he knew he was well and truly lost. He had never expected or experienced anything like what transpired between them when they kissed. Josh had intended to show her the depth of his feelings for her, but that she reciprocated them so completely was something he had only hoped for. </div> <bR> <div> When they finally drew apart, their eyes met and they couldn't help but smile at each other. </div> <bR> <div> " That was... nice," Donna observed, her eyes dancing and her voice a breathless whisper. </div> <bR> <div> " Nice, huh? I can think of a few more fitting adjectives." </div> <bR> <div> " Hmmm... like what?" Donna asked, her brow arched in challenge, as she caressed his shoulders. </div> <bR> <div> " Astounding...incredible...delicious...wonderful...mind-blowing spectacular.... I can't even begin to describe ..." Josh trailed off as he captured her mouth in another kiss. </div> <bR> <div> When he drew away from her that time, he saw the smoldering passion he felt reflected in her eyes. He saw that, along with something else, something he'd been hoping to see. Something that he wanted to hear... that he needed to hear. </div> <bR> <div> " There was one thing I didn't say... one thing I need to say. Donna... I love you. I'm in love with you. I think I have been for a long time... but now- I had to tell you... I couldn't go on any longer without you knowing..." he admitted, slowly and unconsciously putting distance between them as he spoke. It was a defensive move on his part and it tore at Donna's heart when she realized why he was doing it. He was afraid she didn't fully return his feelings. </div> <bR> <div> He would have continued to falter along- his heart exposed, his vulnerability finally revealed but Donna couldn't contain herself any longer. She pulled him back into her embrace and kissing him soundly and thoroughly she looked into his eyes with tenderness and determination. </div> <bR> <div> " Josh Lyman, in case you hadn't noticed, I'm crazy in love with you." </div> <bR> <div> " You are?" he asked, sounding incredibly pleased and slightly shocked at the same time. </div> <bR> <div> " Yeah, I am." she admitted, then laughed. " I most definitely am. What have you got to say to that?" </div> <bR> <div> " How about ...thank you? Thank you for being there for me always. Thank you for being there while I worked it all out. Thank you for not running away with someone else while I was being stupid or stubborn... or both. Thank you for giving me something to smile about even when the world was going to hell. Thank you for reminding me that they don't always get their way, and we can win one once in awhile. Just... thank you." </div> <bR> <div> When Josh finally punctuated his suggestions with a soft kiss and a smile he noticed that there were tears brimming in Donna's eyes and even though he knew they were happy tears, they still touched him deep in his soul. </div> <bR> <div> " You know- despite CJ's aversion to having you in her press room, you can be quite eloquent when you choose to Joshua Lyman." </div> <bR> <div> When he tried to shrug her compliment off with a funny little quip, Donna placed a finger over his lips and kissed him, first on both cheeks, and then on his lips. The last kiss was both tender and lingering. </div> <bR> <div> " For all those things you thanked me for, I can thank you for the same things - as well as many more.The funny thing about us- something I've only just recently realized- is that we truly are partners- in every sense of the word. We 'get' each other- and we do it in a way that no one else ever has. It kind of makes all this ... this stuff we've just admitted a little less scary. Don't you think?" </div> <bR> <div> With a slow smile turning the corners of his mouth and a twinkle in his eyes, Josh nodded in agreement. </div> <bR> <div> " Yeah, I do. It's crazy as hell, but I'm not scared- not at all. I'm just incredibly excited- like I just found out that I get to have my birthday three hundred and sixty-five times this year." </div> <bR> <div> Donna laughed out loud at that, once again having the singular ability to follow the odd leaps Josh sometime made. </div> <bR> <div> " My, my- think of all the presents you get to open..." she remarked with a wicked grin and a wink. </div> <bR> <div> " Yeah, I'm thinking of one I'd like to open right now," he replied with a suggestive grin. </div> <bR> <div> " Not quite yet, birthday boy," Donna said, wagging her finger and slipping out of his grasp. </div> <bR> <div> " Oh... yeah- well, I didn't mean... I mean, I don't want to rush anything. I mean I want to, but..." </div> <bR> <div> Taking pity on him, Donna once again placed her finger on his lips, " You're incredibly cute when you're trying to be sensitive. What I meant was, feed me first, then we'll see about the uh....unwrapping," Donna suggested with a wild blush coloring her cheeks by the time she was finished speaking. </div> <bR> <div> The suggestive and teasing grin firmly back in place, Josh poured her a glass of wine and after handing it to her and raising his own glass said, " Here's to satisfying all our appetites." </div> <bR> <div> ************************</div> <bR> <div> Much later, as they lay together, Josh's bedsheets tangled together with various discarded articles of both their clothing- tangled in much the same way their bodies were tangled together, Josh asked Donna something. </div> <bR> <div> " What did Amy mean when she said she had her answer and wished you luck?" </div> <bR> <div> " Hmmm?" Donna asked, without much interest. She was warm, content and sated. She couldn't remember a time in her life when she had been this content, happy and relaxed all at the same time. </div> <bR> <div> " When we found out about Zoey, and Amy came into my office and saw us. She said she didn't need the answer to some question anymore, and she said 'good luck- you're going to need it.' What was that about?" </div> <bR> <div> " Josh- did you happen to notice how relaxed and happy I feel right now?" </div> <bR> <div> " Yes, I did, and might I say that echo that sentiment whole-heartedly," he replied with a happy sigh.</div> <bR> <div> " Yet you pick this moment to ask me about something about your ex-girlfriend. That doesn't strike you as just a little tacky?" </div> <bR> <div> " Well, yeah... when you put it that way, I guess. I was just wondering. Never mind." </div> <bR> <div> " Nope- can't do it. It's out there now.Now I've got to explain it or you'll just lay there and wonder, and it will be here in bed with us distracting you," Donna said as she sat up a little, but still remained firmly in his embrace. As she sat up, the part of the sheet that had been partially covering her slipped, and what was revealed immediately captured Josh's attention.</div> <bR> <bR> <div> " Donna, I can assure you, there are far more interesting things in this bed to distract me than some random comment somebody made. A comment that I've already forgotten all about, as a matter of fact." </div> <bR> <div> Smothering a satisfied grin, Donna swatted Josh's arm and trying to sound stern said, " Tough. You brought it up, so pay attention." </div> <bR> <div> With a sigh of resignation and momentary defeat, Josh sat back with an exaggerated pose of patience, waiting for Donna to explain. </div> <bR> <div> " The night Zoey graduated- the night everything happened, I was in the bullpen polishing up the last minute stuff for the trip, and Amy came up with an update on the on again/off again Wellingtons."</div> <bR> <div> At the mention of the Wellingtons Josh rolled his eyes and groaned.</div> <bR> <bR> <div> " Settle down, I told you I worked it out," Donna said with a playful swat on his arm. </div> <bR> <div> " That's right, you told me- some joint DOJ session or something?" </div> <bR> <div> " Yeah- anyway, Amy was on her hobby-horse about that comment she made to you about the appointment list for Vice-President...." </div> <bR> <div> " What comment... oh- that comment. That was - I didn't get- I just didn't like it- that's all." </div> <bR> <div> " I know. But she couldn't figure out why.So... I tried to explain it to her."</div> <bR> <bR> <div> " How?" </div> <bR> <bR> <div> " I explained why you look at things the way you do. Why you feel responsible for things that sometimes maybe you shouldn't- but do anyway. I told her she had to 'get' you to understand why it bothered you." </div> <bR> <div> " Which she doesn't, and likely never has..." Josh muttered, mostly to himself.</div> <bR> <div> " Yeah... although I didn't say that. I think she took it that way. Then she asked me... she asked me something." Donna said, hedging a little at the end. </div> <bR> <div> " What?" Josh asked, looking intently at the odd expression on Donna's face. </div> <bR> <bR> <div> " She asked... she asked me if I was in love with you?" </div> <bR> <div> " Really?" </div> <bR> <bR> <div> " Yes, really. What?" Donna asked, giving him a pointed look. </div> <bR> <div> " So- what did you say?" </div> <bR> <div> " Nothing. Just then all hell broke loose." </div> <bR> <div> " What would you have said?" Josh asked with a little smile. </div> <bR> <div> " To her? Right then? Nothing. I figured if I was going to say it to anyone for the first time it really should be you. It wasn't until then I finally realized I couldn't avoid it any longer. I was in my corner, my back up against the wall. Nowhere to run anymore." </div> <bR> <div> " You make it sound like a bad thing- admitting your feelings, I mean." </div> <bR> <div> " Not bad. Just a little scary at first. Once I realized I didn't have anything to be scared of it was easy." </div> <bR> <div> " So that's what she meant when she wished you luck. I guess she thinks I'm a hopeless cause," Josh sighed. </div> <bR> <div> " For her you were, but not for me. I 'get' you- remember?" </div> <bR> <div> " You get me, therefore you got me. Hmmm... as odd as that sounds, I like it. I get you too. You know that right?" </div> <bR> <div> " Took you long enough," Donna groused good naturedly, giving him a little poke in the ribs. </div> <bR> <div> " As long as I got you. That's all that matters." Josh observed with a deep and content sigh as he wrapped his arms more firmly around her and buried his face in her neck. Donna smiled and curled into Josh as well. 'Yes', she thought, 'it really was all that mattered'. With a contented sigh of her own, she closed her eyes and fell asleep to the reassuring sound of Josh's heart. What a sweet sound...</div> <bR> <div>  </div> <bR> <div> The End</div> <bR> <bR> <bR> <div>  </div> <div>  </div> <bR> <div>  </div> <div>    </div> <div>  </div> <bR> </td> </tr></table></body>