Dirty Work

<body topmargin=0 leftmargin=0 marginheight=0 marginwidth=0> <table cellpadding=0 cellspacing=0 border=0 height="100%"><tr> <td valign="top" width=200 BGCOLOR="#003399" TEXT="#080000" background="03fc8c00erkjxk.jpg"> <div> <B>The fifth installment in the 'Transitions' series</B></div> </td> <td valign="top" BGCOLOR="#0066CC" TEXT="#080000"> <div> <FONT SIZE="5" COLOR="#99CCFF" FACE="Arial" ><B>Smiles, Tears, & Happy Endings</B></FONT><FONT SIZE="1" COLOR="#FFFF99" FACE="Arial" > </FONT><FONT SIZE="1" COLOR="#FFFFFF" FACE="Arial" > </FONT><FONT SIZE="1" COLOR="#CC0000" FACE="Arial" > </FONT>  |     <A HREF="index.htm" TARGET="_top" TITLE="Smiles, Tears, Happy Endings"><U>home</U></A></div> <div> <A HREF="id18.htm" TARGET="_top" TITLE="Brandys Stories"><U>Brandy's Stories</U></A>   |   <A HREF="id24.htm" TARGET="_top" TITLE="The Other Side"><U>The Other Side</U></A>   |   <A HREF="id25.htm" TARGET="_top" TITLE="Getaway"><U>Getaway</U></A>   |   <A HREF="id32.htm" TARGET="_top" TITLE="Deserved Recognition"><U>Deserved Recognition</U></A>   |   <A HREF="id33.htm" TARGET="_top" TITLE="The End of These Days"><U>The End of These Days</U></A>   |   <A HREF="id34.htm" TARGET="_top" TITLE="Moving On"><U>Moving On</U></A>   |   <A HREF="id35.htm" TARGET="_top" TITLE="Lessons Learned Shared"><U>Lessons- Learned & Shared</U></A>   |   <A HREF="id43.htm" TARGET="_top" TITLE="So, I Had This Dream..."><U>So, I Had This Dream...</U></A>   |   <A HREF="id214.htm" TARGET="_top" TITLE="The Perfect Plan"><U>The Perfect Plan</U></A>   |   <A HREF="id215.htm" TARGET="_top" TITLE="The Incredibly Campy Road Trip From Hell"><U>The Incredibly Campy Road Trip From Hell</U></A>   |   <A HREF="id216.htm" TARGET="_top" TITLE="A Whole New Story"><U>A Whole New Story</U></A>   |   <A HREF="id217.htm" TARGET="_top" TITLE="What Are Friends For? "><U>What Are Friends For? </U></A>   |   <A HREF="id218.htm" TARGET="_top" TITLE="Walking The Wire"><U>Walking The Wire</U></A>   |   <A HREF="id219.htm" TARGET="_top" TITLE="Foreshadowing, Omens Evidence of Other "><U>Foreshadowing, Omens & Evidence of Other Things in the Wind</U></A>   |   <A HREF="id222.htm" TARGET="_top" TITLE="Up Against the Wall"><U>Up Against the Wall</U></A>   |   <A HREF="id223.htm" TARGET="_top" TITLE="The Sum Of My Fears"><U>The Sum Of My Fears</U></A>   |   <A HREF="id220.htm" TARGET="_top" TITLE="Our Dance"><U>Our Dance</U></A>   |   <A HREF="id221.htm" TARGET="_top" TITLE="Shes Got a Way"><U>She's Got a Way</U></A>   |   <A HREF="id52.htm" TARGET="_top" TITLE="Take My Hand"><U>Take My Hand</U></A>   |   <A HREF="id53.htm" TARGET="_top" TITLE="May Perspective"><U>May Perspective</U></A>   |   <A HREF="id56.htm" TARGET="_top" TITLE="How Bad Can It Get"><U>How Bad Can It Get</U></A>   |   <A HREF="id181.htm" TARGET="_top" TITLE="Small Mistakes"><U>Small Mistakes</U></A>   |   <A HREF="id182.htm" TARGET="_top" TITLE="Nightcaps"><U>Nightcaps</U></A>   |   <A HREF="id183.htm" TARGET="_top" TITLE="Crazy Boys"><U>Crazy Boys</U></A>   |   <A HREF="id184.htm" TARGET="_top" TITLE="A Need For Comfort"><U>A Need For Comfort</U></A>   |   <A HREF="id81.htm" TARGET="_top" TITLE="Looking Back"><U>Looking Back</U></A>   |   <A HREF="id109.htm" TARGET="_top" TITLE="The Nature of Family"><U>The Nature of Family</U></A>   |   <A HREF="id210.htm" TARGET="_top" TITLE="Wistful Thoughts On A Snowy Night"><U>Wistful Thoughts On A Snowy Night</U></A>   |   <A HREF="id212.htm" TARGET="_top" TITLE="A Good Brother/Son/Friend"><U>A Good Brother/Son/Friend</U></A>   |   <A HREF="id111.htm" TARGET="_top" TITLE="When All Else Fails"><U>When All Else Fails</U></A>   |   <A HREF="id187.htm" TARGET="_top" TITLE="Someone Like You"><U>Someone Like You</U></A>   |   <A HREF="id213.htm" TARGET="_top" TITLE="A Wish For My Friend"><U>A Wish For My Friend</U></A>   |   <A HREF="id188.htm" TARGET="_top" TITLE="Unspoken"><U>Unspoken</U></A>   |   <A HREF="id189.htm" TARGET="_top" TITLE="A Brief Glimpse"><U>A Brief Glimpse</U></A>   |   <A HREF="id190.htm" TARGET="_top" TITLE="Sanctuary"><U>Sanctuary</U></A>   |   <A HREF="id191.htm" TARGET="_top" TITLE="Contemplation"><U>Contemplation</U></A>   |   <B>Dirty Work</B>   |   <A HREF="id193.htm" TARGET="_top" TITLE="Precious Moments"><U>Precious Moments</U></A>   |   <A HREF="id194.htm" TARGET="_top" TITLE="Almost Normal"><U>Almost Normal</U></A>   |   <A HREF="id195.htm" TARGET="_top" TITLE="Never Enough"><U>Never Enough</U></A>   |   <A HREF="id112.htm" TARGET="_top" TITLE="The World According To Mark..."><U>The World According To Mark...</U></A>   |   <A HREF="id135.htm" TARGET="_top" TITLE="Heart Cards, Flowers Sweet Stuff"><U>Heart Cards, Flowers & Sweet Stuff</U></A>   |   <A HREF="id185.htm" TARGET="_top" TITLE="Amazed"><U>Amazed</U></A>   |   <A HREF="id199.htm" TARGET="_top" TITLE="Last Call of the Night"><U>Last Call of the Night</U></A>   |   <A HREF="id206.htm" TARGET="_top" TITLE="The Fortuitous Visitor"><U>The Fortuitous Visitor</U></A>   |   <A HREF="id136.htm" TARGET="_top" TITLE="Loose Ends"><U>Loose Ends</U></A>   |   <A HREF="id225.htm" TARGET="_top" TITLE="TeaSympathy Under the Mistletoe"><U>Tea&Sympathy Under the Mistletoe</U></A>   |   <A HREF="id229.htm" TARGET="_top" TITLE="Not So Much Looking Good As Being Good"><U>Not So Much Looking Good As Being Good</U></A>   |   <A HREF="id230.htm" TARGET="_top" TITLE="The Moment of Truth"><U>The Moment of Truth</U></A>   |   <A HREF="id231.htm" TARGET="_top" TITLE="Control Choices"><U>Control & Choices</U></A>   |   <A HREF="id36.htm" TARGET="_top" TITLE="Anniversaries AdoAnnie"><U>Anniversaries & Ado-Annie</U></A>   |   <A HREF="id37.htm" TARGET="_top" TITLE="The NonOccasion Occasion"><U>The Non-Occasion Occasion</U></A>   |   <A HREF="id38.htm" TARGET="_top" TITLE="Interlude"><U>Interlude</U></A>   |   <A HREF="id39.htm" TARGET="_top" TITLE="Misdirection Understatement"><U>Misdirection & Understatement</U></A>   |   <A HREF="id51.htm" TARGET="_top" TITLE="Meeting, Damn Depositions Rules"><U>Meeting, Damn Depositions & Rules</U></A>   |   <A HREF="id54.htm" TARGET="_top" TITLE="Realizations Revelations"><U>Realizations &Revelations</U></A>   |   <A HREF="id207.htm" TARGET="_top" TITLE="A Liberating Quality"><U>A Liberating Quality</U></A></div> <div> Dirty Work</div> <div> Josh glanced at his watch as he began to climb the steps to Amy’s front door. It was around midnight. Late but not too late, and he could see her lights on through the window and hear music playing. Josh stopped at the top of the stairs and listened for a moment, trying to figure out what she was listening to. No Van Morrison tonight. It sounded like this jazz/blues station she listened to sometimes. Taking a breath, he knocked on the door. He had a key in his pocket, but decided not to use it. ‘Might as well set the proper tone from the start’, he thought. </div> <div>   Amy appeared at the door shortly, and giving Josh a long, measuring look said, " Lose your key?"</div> <div>   " No… I just…Can I come in?" </div> <div>    She didn’t reply right away, then finally, with a careless shrug she turned on her heel and said,  "Sure. Why not?" </div> <div>   With a weary sigh, Josh dropped his bag by the door and followed her into the living room. She took a seat behind her desk, one leg drawn up and her arms crossed in front of her. She had this look on her face- a look that Josh had come to recognize as her ‘battle face’. He knew she expected to get one of two things out of the coming conversation .Either she wanted him to admit that he was wrong in the way he resolved the  situation over the welfare reform bill, or she was going to stand there and ignore every rational argument put forth explaining why he made the decision he did- all the while planning ways to punish him. Well, she was about to be disappointed - again. That’s not the conversation they were going to have. </div> <div>    " I hope you’ve worked out a good explanation for why you’ve been blowing me off all day", Amy said, a distinct edge to her voice. </div> <div>   " I was busy", he replied, his tone matching hers. </div> <div>   " You’re always busy, J. That’s never stopped you from returning my calls before."</div> <div>   Josh could hear the mocking challenge in her voice. He knew she was waiting to see if he would step up and  swing at the pitch or let it go by. Well, he was tired of letting them go by. </div> <div>   " That’s true. I wasn’t busy so much as I didn’t feel like talking to you." </div> <div>   " Well, wasn’t that adult of you? You couldn’t have just said  ‘Amy, I don’t want to talk now. I’ll call you later’? You had to hide from me like a little boy?"   she said , her tone caustic.</div> <div>   Josh took a breath and got ready to respond to the ‘little boy’ jibe, but then thought better of it. It was exactly what she wanted him to do- go on the defensive. No, it wasn’t going to be quite that easy. Not this time. When he replied, it was with deceptive calm.</div> <div>   " You really think it would have ended there? Because  in my experience, you don’t like taking  ‘no’ for an answer, and listening has never been one of your strong suits", he observed with a little smirk. He knew she would notice and he knew it would piss her off, and he was right. She tried to hide it, but he could see the signs- the narrowing of her eyes, the subtle flexing of her jaw. She was also a little knocked off balance. She hadn’t expected that from him- that much was clear. ‘Well, score one for the batter’, he thought with a kind of grim humor. She rebounded though- but then, he knew she would. </div> <div>   </div> <div>   " Fine. If the prospect of talking to me is so distasteful, what are you doing here?" she bit out.</div> <div>   " I’m ready to talk now" , he said quietly, yet firmly.</div> <div>   " Maybe now I don’t feel like listening", she said tartly, but Josh saw a flicker of something- fear, doubt. He wasn’t sure, but he knew that she realized he wasn’t there to play the same tired old game. </div> <div>   " Fine, I’m used to that, but I’m going to say what I came here to say, and you may not listen, but you’ll damn well hear it." </div> <div>   That time the flinch was a little more noticeable. Not letting sentiment or guilt or regret stand in his way, he continued. </div> <div>   " Amy, it’s time to face facts.  Ever since this thing between us started, we’ve been doing nothing but going through the motions of having a relationship. We say and do the right things. We have the outward appearance of a couple involved in a serious relationship. But that’s all it is - appearance. Nothing more." </div> <div>   " That’s bullshit, Josh. We’re good together. We’re building something. You’re just  scared, or pissed that I challenged you and the administration to a higher goal… This is nothing more than good old ‘hit and run Josh’ making an appearance", Amy said, taking particular satisfaction in his expression when she made that last remark. She drew a little blood on that one, but not much she discovered as Josh shook his head with a sigh. </div> <div>   " You know Amy, another time that may have worked- in fact it did. That’s pretty much how we got here. You dared me to prove I wasn’t something that you accused me of being. I gotta’ say, I’ve taken some pretty stupid dares in my life, but that one beats them all." </div> <div>   " So I was just some game to you? Is that what you’re saying?" she said, her voice rising as she stood. Josh could barely believe how incredulous she was at his words.</div> <div>   " No. As usual, you only heard what you wanted to hear. We were both playing a game. You picked it and we both played it. I just realized recently that we weren’t playing by the same rules." </div> <div>   " What the hell is that supposed to mean?" </div> <div>   " It means that no matter how it started, I thought we’d eventually move past how we began and build a real relationship. Every time all the evidence seemed to point to that not happening, I ignored it. I thought, ‘we’ll work it out’. That never seemed to happen." </div> <div>   " And you’re laying all this at my feet?!", she exclaimed.</div> <div>   " No, but you own your share of it- just like I do", Josh replied, and although he didn’t say it, he considered her share a bit bigger than his- but telling her that wouldn’t do anything but prolong this. </div> <div>   " So what’s the bottom line here, Josh? What are you trying to say?" </div> <div>   " The bottom line … the bottom line is that you don’t respect me, and I don’t trust you. That’s the bottom line."   </div> <div>   " Respect you? Respect you! Oh that’s rich. That’s really rich, J. Just because I don’t kiss your ass and defer to your every wish, then I don’t respect you, huh?"</div> <div>   At that, Josh lost total control of his patience. </div> <div>   " That’s enough! In fact that’s more than enough. You really don’t know me at all, do you? If you did, you wouldn’t make such an outrageously stupid comment. I’ve never expected you to kiss my ass or defer to me. I’m not some caveman. In fact, considering some of the stunts you’ve pulled, I think my restraint has been admirable!" He said the last part in a voice that fairly shook the windows. He closed his eyes and, raking his hands through his hair in frustration, he took a deep breath and continued in a somewhat calmer voice. </div> <div>   " I’ve never wanted anything but a level playing field between us- an equal partnership. But you were never happy with that. You did everything in your power, at every possible turn, to tilt the balance in your favor. You took advantage of my position , and the proximity it afforded you to the White House, to pursue your own agenda. You did it regardless of the fact that it might cost me, or this administration. What’s more, you did it without batting an eyelash or feeling a moments regret. If you respected me and what I was trying to do, or really cared about me at all,  you never could have done that. Like I said- bottom line, I don’t trust you."</div> <div>   " So that’s it? You’re just going to quit- not even try. I’ve lost everything because of what you did, and now you’re walking out. Don’t even bother to stand there and tell me I was wrong about you. I wasn’t." </div> <div>   Josh stood there for a second, taking in everything she said, and finally a rueful smile turned the corners of his mouth. </div> <div>   " You know, Leo says I have this overdeveloped  sense of guilt, coupled with a compulsive desire to fix everything. I guess in  a way he’s right. I do think I can fix everything, and when I can’t, I feel guilty. No matter if I had anything to do with the problem or not, I feel guilty if I can’t fix it. As far as this…whatever this is we’ve been doing these past few months, I’ve done everything I can, but it’s not fixable. I’m not feeling guilty this time -just sorry we had to slice each other up and roll in the mud one last time. It is the last time though, Amy. We’re done. I’m sorry, but that’s the way it is." </div> <div>   With that, Josh turned away, and walked to the door, pausing only to retrieve his backpack before walking out . </div> <div>    He was about halfway up the block, getting ready to get in his car, when he heard the odd chirp of his cell phone. He smiled a little when he heard it, because when Donna had reprogrammed his speed-dial, she had also picked the weirdest ring she could find as her little joke. He fished it out of his pocket and, looking at the display, he chuckled to himself. Speak of the devil…</div> <div>   " Hello, Donna. Why aren’t you asleep?"</div> <div>   " Hello to you too, Mr. Liar." </div> <div>   " Mr. Liar?  What’s that supposed to mean?" </div> <div>   " You said you were going home hours ago, but I called and…. Oh wait…you were at Amy’s. I’m sorry if I interrupted-" </div> <div>   " Donna, you didn’t interrupt anything. I was at Amy’s for a little bit, I just left." </div> <div>   " Oh… got tired of dodging her, huh?" </div> <div>   " How did you know I was doing that?"</div> <div>   " Who answers your phone, Josh?"</div> <div>   " Oh yeah, right. Dumb question, huh?"</div> <div>   " Kind of…So did you get everything straightened out?" </div> <div>   " You could say that", he replied with a grin, then asked " Why were you trying to track me down, anyway?" </div> <div>   " Oh- Leo wanted me to let you know that he switched senior staff from 8:30 to 7:30, and not to be late." </div> <div>   " Okay. Sounds like tomorrow is going to be another one of those days." </div> <div>   " Yep, it’s looking that way" Donna said with a heavy sigh. Just then, Josh got an idea. </div> <div>   " Hey, you want to grab some lunch together tomorrow? I’ll treat." </div> <div>   " You’ll treat? Well, I’m not about to turn that down", she said, and Josh could hear the laughter in her voice. He smiled at the sound, thinking it was a definite improvement over that heavy sigh he heard a moment ago.</div> <div>   " Are you sure?", she added " I thought you and Amy-" </div> <div>   " No…. I’m all yours", he said, quickly cutting her off. He didn’t want to go into the whole Amy thing with her over the phone, but he didn’t want her laboring under any false assumptions either.</div> <div>   " Okay. You want me to call you in the morning?" she asked.</div> <div>   " I live for it", he said, and she could just see that teasing smile of his. </div> <div>   " You live *by* it", she quipped in return. </div> <div>   " That too. Goodnight, Donna." </div> <div>   " Goodnight Josh." </div> <bR> <bR> <bR> <bR> <div> The End  </div> <bR> <bR> </td> </tr></table></body>