Unspoken

<body topmargin=0 leftmargin=0 marginheight=0 marginwidth=0> <table cellpadding=0 cellspacing=0 border=0 height="100%"><tr> <td valign="top" width=200 BGCOLOR="#003399" TEXT="#080000" background="03fc8c00erkjxk.jpg"> <div> <B>Post-ep to " Posse Comitatus". First in the "Transitions" series.</B></div> <bR> <bR> <div> <B>* 2003 Golden Coffee Cup Award Nominee</B><FONT SIZE="2" COLOR="#003399" FACE="Arial" ><B>  </B></FONT></div> </td> <td valign="top" BGCOLOR="#0066CC" TEXT="#080000"> <div> <FONT SIZE="5" COLOR="#99CCFF" FACE="Arial" ><B>Smiles, Tears, & Happy Endings</B></FONT><FONT SIZE="1" COLOR="#FFFF99" FACE="Arial" > </FONT><FONT SIZE="1" COLOR="#FFFFFF" FACE="Arial" > </FONT><FONT SIZE="1" COLOR="#CC0000" FACE="Arial" > </FONT>  |     <A HREF="index.htm" TARGET="_top" TITLE="Smiles, Tears, Happy Endings"><U>home</U></A></div> <div> <A HREF="id18.htm" TARGET="_top" TITLE="Brandys Stories"><U>Brandy's Stories</U></A>   |   <A HREF="id24.htm" TARGET="_top" TITLE="The Other Side"><U>The Other Side</U></A>   |   <A HREF="id25.htm" TARGET="_top" TITLE="Getaway"><U>Getaway</U></A>   |   <A HREF="id32.htm" TARGET="_top" TITLE="Deserved Recognition"><U>Deserved Recognition</U></A>   |   <A HREF="id33.htm" TARGET="_top" TITLE="The End of These Days"><U>The End of These Days</U></A>   |   <A HREF="id34.htm" TARGET="_top" TITLE="Moving On"><U>Moving On</U></A>   |   <A HREF="id35.htm" TARGET="_top" TITLE="Lessons Learned Shared"><U>Lessons- Learned & Shared</U></A>   |   <A HREF="id43.htm" TARGET="_top" TITLE="So, I Had This Dream..."><U>So, I Had This Dream...</U></A>   |   <A HREF="id214.htm" TARGET="_top" TITLE="The Perfect Plan"><U>The Perfect Plan</U></A>   |   <A HREF="id215.htm" TARGET="_top" TITLE="The Incredibly Campy Road Trip From Hell"><U>The Incredibly Campy Road Trip From Hell</U></A>   |   <A HREF="id216.htm" TARGET="_top" TITLE="A Whole New Story"><U>A Whole New Story</U></A>   |   <A HREF="id217.htm" TARGET="_top" TITLE="What Are Friends For? "><U>What Are Friends For? </U></A>   |   <A HREF="id218.htm" TARGET="_top" TITLE="Walking The Wire"><U>Walking The Wire</U></A>   |   <A HREF="id219.htm" TARGET="_top" TITLE="Foreshadowing, Omens Evidence of Other "><U>Foreshadowing, Omens & Evidence of Other Things in the Wind</U></A>   |   <A HREF="id222.htm" TARGET="_top" TITLE="Up Against the Wall"><U>Up Against the Wall</U></A>   |   <A HREF="id223.htm" TARGET="_top" TITLE="The Sum Of My Fears"><U>The Sum Of My Fears</U></A>   |   <A HREF="id220.htm" TARGET="_top" TITLE="Our Dance"><U>Our Dance</U></A>   |   <A HREF="id221.htm" TARGET="_top" TITLE="Shes Got a Way"><U>She's Got a Way</U></A>   |   <A HREF="id52.htm" TARGET="_top" TITLE="Take My Hand"><U>Take My Hand</U></A>   |   <A HREF="id53.htm" TARGET="_top" TITLE="May Perspective"><U>May Perspective</U></A>   |   <A HREF="id56.htm" TARGET="_top" TITLE="How Bad Can It Get"><U>How Bad Can It Get</U></A>   |   <A HREF="id181.htm" TARGET="_top" TITLE="Small Mistakes"><U>Small Mistakes</U></A>   |   <A HREF="id182.htm" TARGET="_top" TITLE="Nightcaps"><U>Nightcaps</U></A>   |   <A HREF="id183.htm" TARGET="_top" TITLE="Crazy Boys"><U>Crazy Boys</U></A>   |   <A HREF="id184.htm" TARGET="_top" TITLE="A Need For Comfort"><U>A Need For Comfort</U></A>   |   <A HREF="id81.htm" TARGET="_top" TITLE="Looking Back"><U>Looking Back</U></A>   |   <A HREF="id109.htm" TARGET="_top" TITLE="The Nature of Family"><U>The Nature of Family</U></A>   |   <A HREF="id210.htm" TARGET="_top" TITLE="Wistful Thoughts On A Snowy Night"><U>Wistful Thoughts On A Snowy Night</U></A>   |   <A HREF="id212.htm" TARGET="_top" TITLE="A Good Brother/Son/Friend"><U>A Good Brother/Son/Friend</U></A>   |   <A HREF="id111.htm" TARGET="_top" TITLE="When All Else Fails"><U>When All Else Fails</U></A>   |   <A HREF="id187.htm" TARGET="_top" TITLE="Someone Like You"><U>Someone Like You</U></A>   |   <A HREF="id213.htm" TARGET="_top" TITLE="A Wish For My Friend"><U>A Wish For My Friend</U></A>   |   <B>Unspoken</B>   |   <A HREF="id189.htm" TARGET="_top" TITLE="A Brief Glimpse"><U>A Brief Glimpse</U></A>   |   <A HREF="id190.htm" TARGET="_top" TITLE="Sanctuary"><U>Sanctuary</U></A>   |   <A HREF="id191.htm" TARGET="_top" TITLE="Contemplation"><U>Contemplation</U></A>   |   <A HREF="id192.htm" TARGET="_top" TITLE="Dirty Work"><U>Dirty Work</U></A>   |   <A HREF="id193.htm" TARGET="_top" TITLE="Precious Moments"><U>Precious Moments</U></A>   |   <A HREF="id194.htm" TARGET="_top" TITLE="Almost Normal"><U>Almost Normal</U></A>   |   <A HREF="id195.htm" TARGET="_top" TITLE="Never Enough"><U>Never Enough</U></A>   |   <A HREF="id112.htm" TARGET="_top" TITLE="The World According To Mark..."><U>The World According To Mark...</U></A>   |   <A HREF="id135.htm" TARGET="_top" TITLE="Heart Cards, Flowers Sweet Stuff"><U>Heart Cards, Flowers & Sweet Stuff</U></A>   |   <A HREF="id185.htm" TARGET="_top" TITLE="Amazed"><U>Amazed</U></A>   |   <A HREF="id199.htm" TARGET="_top" TITLE="Last Call of the Night"><U>Last Call of the Night</U></A>   |   <A HREF="id206.htm" TARGET="_top" TITLE="The Fortuitous Visitor"><U>The Fortuitous Visitor</U></A>   |   <A HREF="id136.htm" TARGET="_top" TITLE="Loose Ends"><U>Loose Ends</U></A>   |   <A HREF="id225.htm" TARGET="_top" TITLE="TeaSympathy Under the Mistletoe"><U>Tea&Sympathy Under the Mistletoe</U></A>   |   <A HREF="id229.htm" TARGET="_top" TITLE="Not So Much Looking Good As Being Good"><U>Not So Much Looking Good As Being Good</U></A>   |   <A HREF="id230.htm" TARGET="_top" TITLE="The Moment of Truth"><U>The Moment of Truth</U></A>   |   <A HREF="id231.htm" TARGET="_top" TITLE="Control Choices"><U>Control & Choices</U></A>   |   <A HREF="id36.htm" TARGET="_top" TITLE="Anniversaries AdoAnnie"><U>Anniversaries & Ado-Annie</U></A>   |   <A HREF="id37.htm" TARGET="_top" TITLE="The NonOccasion Occasion"><U>The Non-Occasion Occasion</U></A>   |   <A HREF="id38.htm" TARGET="_top" TITLE="Interlude"><U>Interlude</U></A>   |   <A HREF="id39.htm" TARGET="_top" TITLE="Misdirection Understatement"><U>Misdirection & Understatement</U></A>   |   <A HREF="id51.htm" TARGET="_top" TITLE="Meeting, Damn Depositions Rules"><U>Meeting, Damn Depositions & Rules</U></A>   |   <A HREF="id54.htm" TARGET="_top" TITLE="Realizations Revelations"><U>Realizations &Revelations</U></A>   |   <A HREF="id207.htm" TARGET="_top" TITLE="A Liberating Quality"><U>A Liberating Quality</U></A></div> <div> Unspoken</div> <div> Donna stood next to Josh that late spring night at Andrews, waiting for Air Force One to arrive. It was misty and a touch chilly, but not as cold as she felt inside. She kept sneaking looks in Josh’s direction, watching for signs that this latest tragedy was calling up his inner demons, but so far she couldn’t see any indication that it was. Some part of her was screaming out to take hold of him and not let go, but she knew she couldn’t. Even though they had worked their way back to a semblance of their former closeness, there was still a barrier between them. The barrier lowered occasionally- sometimes to the point of almost total absence- but it always came back up. If she needed a reminder of that, she had received it tonight when she had to go through Amy to give Josh the news about Simon.</div> <div>   Simon…poor Simon. Poor CJ. Donna took one more look at Josh as Air Force One taxied down the runway, and remembered another May. Another night when she felt cold inside- cold with fear, as she waited for Josh to live or die. A night where she sat silent and unmoving, praying with all her might for him to survive- to give her the chance…But her prayers were answered and she wasted chance after chance. Now it was too late. Just like it was too late for Simon and CJ. But then, it wasn’t quite the same thing, was it? Josh was still alive and nothing was settled between him and Amy. In fact, maybe things could change as unexpectedly for the better as they could for the worse. She couldn’t let herself think about that now. Later perhaps- but not now. </div> <div>    She turned her attention toward the President’s plane and waited for CJ to descend the stairway. President Bartlet and Dr. Bartlet were the first to disembark, followed closely by Leo. The First Lady looked sedate, almost somber, which was perfectly understandable. The President’s and Leo’s expressions  were different somehow, grim and resolute, and Donna wondered fleetingly if something else had happened. That thought left her when she saw Toby. It was at times like these that her heart went out to him. He had been the one to call and tell her about Simon, so that she in turn could alert Josh to what had happened. She remembered hearing the heartfelt regret in his voice when he realized he had reached her in Josh’s office instead of Josh. She heard the heavy sigh on his end of the line as he realized that, once again, he was going to be her personal bearer of grim news. Josh, the President’s MS, now this… It was only a fluke that he hadn’t been the one to tell her about Mrs. Landingham.</div> <div>   Donna watched as he stood at the top of the stairs, and scanned the area next to the President’s motorcade. It seemed like he was sending a silent warning to each and every reporter standing out there that when CJ left the plane she better be left alone. Donna knew all about the protective feelings behind a look like that. It was feelings like that that had caused her to impose the ‘rules’ when Josh was convalescing. She knew that Toby would care for CJ, and protect her regardless of who tried to get to her. Just like she would protect and care for Josh…as long as he let her. </div> <div>   A few minutes later, Donna saw CJ walk up behind Toby. She could also see Sam next to her, standing very close. It struck her as odd that , given their disparate heights ,  CJ seemed to be leaning into Sam. She also thought how out of place their formal attire was, given their grim expressions. She shook her head and sighed at the odd leaps a person’s mind makes at times of extreme tension and grief. </div> <div>   " You okay?" Josh asked, looking at her for a brief, yet intense moment. </div> <div>   " Yeah…I’m just….It’s just very depressing to think of what we all give up to be where we are, and that it never seems to end", Donna replied, unable to hold his gaze for very long.</div> <div>   Josh continued to look at her profile for a long moment after she turned away. He knew all about the deep well of strength she had, and it hurt him to see her as sad and disillusioned  as she appeared at that moment. The worst of it was, he really couldn’t argue with her. They had all given up a lot. Sometimes so much that is was a wonder they were still standing. </div> <div>   " Yeah… I know", he said as he finally turned his attention away from her and saw Toby, CJ and Sam approach. CJ stood between  Toby and Sam, not holding on to either, not leaning on anyone. CJ was, as always, standing tall on her own. When the three of them reached Josh and Donna , there was a moment when CJ and Josh  just looked at each other, then Josh moved  forward and took CJ in a warm embrace. When they finally drew apart, Josh looked into CJ’s eyes, struggling for the right thing to say.</div> <div>   " CJ, I…I’m sorry." </div> <div>   " I know", CJ replied, her voice quiet, yet still strong.</div> <div>   " Are you okay?" Josh asked , wondering if the question sounded  as stupid out loud as it did in his head.</div> <div>   " No…but I will be", she replied with a sad smile turning one corner of her mouth. "Come on guys- take me home." </div> <div>   With that, CJ walked to the car that was waiting for them, Sam on one side and Donna taking Toby’s place on the other. Josh  watched as the three of them reached their destination, and Donna drew CJ into her caring embrace. He watched as Donna spoke in gentle, yet firm, tones to CJ, and although he couldn’t hear what was said, he could make a fair guess.  Turning to Toby, who was also watching their exchange, he  asked , " Is she telling the truth?" </div> <div>   Toby didn’t answer right away, his eyes still on CJ‘s every move, then he turned back to Josh and with a heavy sigh, he nodded. "Yeah. She’ll have to be, won’t she?"  With that he followed Sam and CJ to the car.</div> <bR> <div>   CJ watched as Josh and Donna walked together across the tarmac to where Josh’s car was parked. She noticed  the way they never lost touch with each other as they walked. Her hand on his arm, his at her back, and she was reminded of all the things people can say to each other without speaking. The touches, the looks. She remembered the satisfaction she had felt the first time Simon saw her in the dress she was wearing tonight. The look in his eyes, before he masked it behind that carefully guarded veneer of professionalism. The quiet, steadiness of him. The confidence without bravado. The quiet rhythm of their give and take, and the freedom it gave her to be all the parts of herself to him, and not just the parts that she let people see. That was so rare between a man and a woman. Where would she ever find such symmetry again. Her only consolation now was that they had both acknowledged  what was between them before it was too late. He hadn’t been taken from her with it still unsaid. </div> <div>   CJ took one last look at Josh and Donna as they reached his car. She watched as they stopped  next to the passenger door, facing one another. She didn’t think they were speaking to one another- not with words in any case. Then the moment was over, and Donna got in the car and Josh walked around to get in his side. CJ looked away then, shaking her head. </div> <div>   " Such a waste", she said quietly, mostly to herself. She felt Toby and Sam’s eyes on her and thought they  surely thought she was referring to Simon, and she was - but he wasn’t the only one. </div> <bR> <bR> <div>       The End </div> <div>  </div> </td> </tr></table></body>