Loose Ends

<body topmargin=0 leftmargin=0 marginheight=0 marginwidth=0> <table cellpadding=0 cellspacing=0 border=0 height="100%"><tr> <td valign="top" width=200 BGCOLOR="#003399" TEXT="#080000" background="03fc8c00erkjxk.jpg"> <div> <B>Donna decides it's time to settle some things.  </B></div> </td> <td valign="top" BGCOLOR="#0066CC" TEXT="#080000"> <div> <FONT SIZE="5" COLOR="#99CCFF" FACE="Arial" ><B>Smiles, Tears, & Happy Endings</B></FONT><FONT SIZE="1" COLOR="#FFFF99" FACE="Arial" > </FONT><FONT SIZE="1" COLOR="#FFFFFF" FACE="Arial" > </FONT><FONT SIZE="1" COLOR="#CC0000" FACE="Arial" > </FONT>  |     <A HREF="index.htm" TARGET="_top" TITLE="Smiles, Tears, Happy Endings"><U>home</U></A></div> <div> <A HREF="id18.htm" TARGET="_top" TITLE="Brandys Stories"><U>Brandy's Stories</U></A>   |   <A HREF="id24.htm" TARGET="_top" TITLE="The Other Side"><U>The Other Side</U></A>   |   <A HREF="id25.htm" TARGET="_top" TITLE="Getaway"><U>Getaway</U></A>   |   <A HREF="id32.htm" TARGET="_top" TITLE="Deserved Recognition"><U>Deserved Recognition</U></A>   |   <A HREF="id33.htm" TARGET="_top" TITLE="The End of These Days"><U>The End of These Days</U></A>   |   <A HREF="id34.htm" TARGET="_top" TITLE="Moving On"><U>Moving On</U></A>   |   <A HREF="id35.htm" TARGET="_top" TITLE="Lessons Learned Shared"><U>Lessons- Learned & Shared</U></A>   |   <A HREF="id43.htm" TARGET="_top" TITLE="So, I Had This Dream..."><U>So, I Had This Dream...</U></A>   |   <A HREF="id214.htm" TARGET="_top" TITLE="The Perfect Plan"><U>The Perfect Plan</U></A>   |   <A HREF="id215.htm" TARGET="_top" TITLE="The Incredibly Campy Road Trip From Hell"><U>The Incredibly Campy Road Trip From Hell</U></A>   |   <A HREF="id216.htm" TARGET="_top" TITLE="A Whole New Story"><U>A Whole New Story</U></A>   |   <A HREF="id217.htm" TARGET="_top" TITLE="What Are Friends For? 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Extremely late. She could probably wait until tomorrow to call him, but it felt like something she needed to do before anything else happened. Once she made the call, she could walk into Josh’s office and go about the business of starting over. Picking up the phone, she dialed Mark’s number. </div> <div>   " Hey, it’s me…I’m sorry I’m calling so late." </div> <div>   " That’s okay. I was up working anyway." </div> <div>   " This late?" </div> <div>   " Donna, where are you?" </div> <div>   " I’m at work, but-" </div> <div>   " Then shut up about my work habits. At least I’m not far from my bed. So, what’s up?" </div> <div>   " I… I wanted to let you know…"</div> <div>   " You’re not taking the job are you?" </div> <div>   " No. I can’t." </div> <div>   " Is it because of this thing with Josh?" </div> <div>   " It’s not that simple." </div> <div>   " I never imagined anything between you and Josh was simple." </div> <div>   " Mark…" </div> <div>   " Sorry. I guess I’m just disappointed. Did you tell him about the offer?" </div> <div>   " Yeah." </div> <div>   " How did he react?" Mark asked, not bothering to mention to Donna that he had told Josh about the offer when they had their little talk. </div> <div>   " He offered me a title bump- only it really wasn’t." </div> <div>   "That would certainly turn me around." There was a long pause on her end while she tried to think of what to say next.</div> <div>   "  Donna-" </div> <div>   " Yeah?" </div> <div>   " It’s okay." </div> <div>   " I’m sorry I couldn’t give you an answer sooner." </div> <div>   " I understood then, and I understand now. Just do me one favor, okay?" </div> <div>   " What?"</div> <div>   " Make sure you remind him about the leg breaking thing, okay?"</div> <div>   " I promise. Anything else?" </div> <div>   " Yeah. I want you to sit down with him, put all your chips on the table and roll the dice with no fear." </div> <div>   " Your advice is cloaked in gambling metaphors?" </div> <div>   " Yeah- it’s late. What do want from me?" Mark replied with a chuckle.</div> <div>   " Okay. I’ll try. You really are a good friend, Mark." </div> <div>   " You don’t deserve anything less, Donna. Remember that." </div> <div>   </div> <bR> <div>   A few minutes later, Donna stood at the open doorway of Josh’s office. He was sitting behind his desk, but had his chair turned away, and was looking out the window into the dark DC night. She wished she knew what was going on inside his head, or if now was even the time to , as Mark said, ‘put her chips on the table and roll the dice’. Then she thought, if not now, when? They had been engaged in this ridiculous dance of tentative advance and anxious retreat for so long that they would  be old and gray before they ever made any progress toward understanding each other. At that thought, she heaved a weary sigh, and that was enough to get Josh’s attention. He turned his chair a little in her direction and gave her a long measuring look. </div> <div>   " Hey."</div> <div>   " Hey…you feel like talking?" Donna asked.</div> <div>   He didn’t say anything for a while, then finally nodded in the direction of the visitors chair. Donna closed the door quietly behind her and took a seat. Josh sat there, feeling the tension build inside him as he waited for her to speak. He thought about their conversation the other night, and wondered if she had decided she’d made the wrong decision and was leaving after all. Since he’d had his conversation with Amy, basically putting the period on the end of their relationship, he had thought things would start moving forward. Now he was afraid they were heading for a detour. </div> <div>   " Rough night, huh?" Donna finally said.</div> <div>   " Rougher for Billy’s wife than us." </div> <div>   " Yeah… I kind of know how that feels."</div> <div>   At Josh’s somewhat questioning, confused look she continued. </div> <div>   " Someone tells you this thing that you can’t quite wrap your mind around, and at first you think it’s this big awful joke. Then it hits you- it’s true, and you feel the fabric of your world slide right out from under your feet. That happens  because the person who means the most to you in the world is hurt or gone, and there isn’t a single thing you can do about it. Not a thing- just hope and wait and pray." </div> <div>   Her eyes never left Josh’s as she spoke and she knew that he was aware of exactly what moment she was referring to. </div> <div>   " I never knew…" </div> <div>   " I didn’t think you did. I tried very hard not to let you know."</div> <div>   " How come?" </div> <div>   " Because either you weren’t ready or I wasn’t …the timing was wrong on so many levels at so many different times. Take your pick. Either way, I didn’t", Donna offered with a shrug.</div> <div>   " I didn’t get pissed you went out with Calley because he was on Ways and Means, or even later when…" </div> <div>   " I know." </div> <div>   " Things are finished with me and Amy." </div> <div>   " So you said the other night." </div> <div>   " I mean over over." </div> <div>   " Okay." </div> <div>   " How come you decided to tell me all this now?" Josh asked, still wondering if this wasn’t some sort of goodbye  confessional on her part. He was still wondering where they were going, despite her earlier admission of her feelings when he’d been shot. That was, after all, almost two years ago. </div> <div>   " Because I felt the need to clear up all these loose ends that have been dangling between us. All this unsaid stuff that we’re so good at avoiding." </div> <div>   " And you suddenly feel this need because….what? You’re getting ready for a change?" </div> <div>   Donna bristled at the combative bite in Josh’s voice. But then a thought occurred to her- he was scared. He was scared she was on her way out the door. Trying her best not to smile, she leaned forward and placed her hand on his, and said, " I’m not taking the job, Josh. I just got off the phone with Mark. I turned him down." </div> <div>   " Why?" </div> <div>   Donna gave him a look that was very like Leo’s ‘what, are you stupid?’ look, and said, " Do you really want me to think about all the money I’m turning down, right now. I can give it some more consideration if you’d like…" </div> <div>   " No! No… I accept that you’ve come to a decision that you’re happy with. I know when to not question my good fortune."</div> <div>   " I thought you might." </div> <div>  " Are you staying because of… I mean, did I play a part in your decision to stay?" </div> <div>   " Let’s just say that I’m happy where I am, and leave it at that." </div> <div>   " Okay", Josh said, his smile just a trifle too smug for Donna’s liking.</div> <div>   " Of course, a raise wouldn’t be out of line. You know, in appreciation for my loyalty and service and…" </div> <div>   " How about a little more personal display of appreciation? Say, for instance, a nice dinner at that place you like." </div> <div>   " Maybe. A raise is more practical though." </div> <div>   " I’ll see what I can do." </div> <div>   " That doesn’t get you off the hook for dinner though", Donna pointed out with a smile.</div> <div>   " I didn’t think it would", Josh replied with a grin. " In fact, I wouldn’t want it to. One more thing…" </div> <div>   " What?" </div> <div>   " Welcome back, Donna", he said and came around the desk to give her a hug. </div> <div>   " Thanks…and Josh-" </div> <div>   " Yeah?" </div> <div>   " Mark said if you screw this up, he’ll break your legs." </div> <div>   Josh looked down at her with an amused smile, " I think my legs are safe. Come on, let’s get out of here." </div> <bR> <div>    They left together that night, both feeling like they were in sync again and on the same path. Moving forward. </div> <bR> </td> </tr></table></body>