Smiles, Tears, & Happy Endings | home
The World According To Mark...
(or: Advice to the Lovelorn &Clueless)
Donna was sitting at her desk, weeding through the ever growing pile of tasks she needed to accomplish for the day, when the phone rang.
" Josh Lyman’s office", she said - for what seemed like the ten thousandth time that morning.
" Unless you’re actually in his office, isn’t that sort of deceiving?" Mark quipped.
" Not really. I’m the gate-keeper, the last line of defense, the Doberman in the yard…"
" Donna, you’re rambling."
" Sorry. It’s been one of those mornings", she sighed.
" That’s okay- I understand. Besides, I never thought of you as a Doberman. A Lhasa Ahpso maybe- but not a Doberman", Mark replied and Donna could hear the laughter in his voice.
" Very funny, Mark. Now- did you have a reason for calling, or is this just your comic diversion portion of the day?"
" Actually, I did have a very good reason for calling, and now that I’ve talked to you, I see it’s timely as well."
" Would you like to share?" Donna asked as she noticed Josh come out of his office and stop by her desk.
" Yes. I want to take you to lunch. Can you get away?"
" Hold on- let me check", Donna replied and turned to Josh. " Do you need me around here during lunchtime?"
" Uhhh…I don’t guess so. I’m meeting Am-" Josh was summarily cut off when Donna turned away and began speaking into the phone again.
" I’m free. How about if I meet you out front?"
" That sounds good. I take it the boss has plans for lunch as well?"
" You could say that", Donna replied, wishing Mark wasn’t quite as observant as he was.
" I thought I just did… Okay, I’ll meet you in front of the White House at one o’clock", Mark said, relenting in his teasing for the time being.
" I’ll be there", Donna confirmed, ending the call and returning to her work. Josh was still lingering by her desk, and Donna finally turned to him with a questioning look.
" Do you need something?"
" So…you have plans for lunch?" he observed, ignoring her question.
" Yes- but since you heard me make those plans, that wasn’t a very big leap", she observed dryly.
" Yeah… I have plans too."
" That’s nice", she replied with disinterest.
" So…this lunch date you have- this isn’t going to be one of those long, gossipy, girly, shoe-shopping when you’re done eating things, is it?"
" No."
" Because we have a lot to cover this afternoon, and if you’re going to take forever-" Josh continued on, as though he hadn’t heard her answer. So in return, Donna turned back to the mountain of work in front of her and proceeded to ignore him.
" Hey, you’re not listening", Josh grumbled.
" I was returning the favor."
" What do you mean? Never-mind- just as long as you remember to be back on time. I’d like to take a long lunch with Amy too- but I can’t. There’s just too much to do around here."
" Fine, Josh. I already told you I wouldn’t be long. In fact, I’ll probably be back before you will. So, unless you need something, I have work to do."
" Well, now that you mention it- you know that Italian place on M street?"
" Bertolinni’s?"
" Yeah, that’s the one. Do you think you could make lunch reservations for today?"
" Is this a work related lunch?"
" No. I told you, I’m having lunch with Amy."
" In that case, make your own reservations."
" Come on, Donna- it’s one little phone call-"
" Which you can make all by yourself. You know how to use the phone, I’ve seen you do it", Donna replied firmly, once again giving her full attention to the work in front of her and effectively, yet silently dismissing Josh.
" Fine. Ask a person to do a simple little favor…" he grumbled as he went back to his office.
" Simple favor, my fanny! Men!" Donna muttered under her breath, as Josh closed the door to his office.
Mark picked Donna up for their lunch date, as promised. She was a little surprised when she saw him attired in a tailor-made suit, instead of his usual jeans. It never ceased to amaze her that a man built as athletically as Mark could look just as comfortable in an expensive suit as he could in holey jeans and a University of Wisconsin sweatshirt.
" I take it we are going somewhere a little more elegant than the corner hot-dog stand- or do you have an appointment after lunch?"
" No, just lunch with you."
" Hmmm- what did I do to deserve all this finery?" Donna asked, looking him up and down appreciatively.
" I told you- I’m trying to woo you away from Josh", Mark replied as they walked to his car.
" Woo me away from Josh? What’s that supposed to mean?" Donna asked, a little more sharply than she intended.
" Whoa - calm down. You know I want you to work for me, Donna. I already made that clear. Why? What did you think I meant?"
" Nothing… what you said. I don’t know…" Donna trailed off, realizing she’d overreacted in a very telling way. Not that Mark wasn’t perfectly aware of her feelings for Josh. He knew things that almost no one else knew- but that was okay, because Mark was almost like a brother. Well… not really a brother. But she knew she could trust him- which made him a rarity among men. Before Mark had come back into her life, she had felt that way about only one other man- but things had changed between them. Things began to change after the Cliff/diary episode - then Amy… Anyway, it was all different now.
Mark watched Donna out of the corner of his eyes as he drove to the restaurant. He was tired of seeing her unhappy, but he knew there wasn’t a lot he could do about it. Well, not much beyond the occasional diversion that he was more than happy to give her. He doubted that even if she did accept his job offer that it would do much to increase her happiness. It would just remove her from the day-to-day aggravation of seeing the person she wanted not want her in return. It really amazed him that Josh was reportedly so smart - because from what Mark could see, the man was as dumb as a rock.
When they reached their destination, Mark leaned over and gave her a gentle nudge, breaking into her reverie.
" We’re here."
Donna looked at the building in front of her, and suddenly her eyes grew wide.
" This is Bertolinni’s!" she said, anxiety lacing her words.
" Yeah, I know. You told me you liked this place. Remember?" Mark replied, confusion and amusement mixed in equal portions in his expression.
" Yes- I do. But we can’t eat lunch here."
" Why not? You like it here, and …wait- let me guess- is this where Josh is having lunch?"
" Yeah."
" With his girlfriend?"
" Yes", Donna confirmed, cringing a little at the use of that title being applied to Amy.
" Well, that settles it then.." Mark said, and watched as Donna let out a sigh of relief, thinking he was taking her someplace else. She was confused when he opened his door and got out of the car. He came around to her side and opened her door. She just sat there, giving him a confused look.
" What do you mean- ‘that settles it’? What are you doing?"
" Well, I thought that was pretty apparent. We’re going inside this very nice restaurant, which you happen to like very much, at which I made reservations, and have a nice lunch, some stimulating conversation, and if you’re a good girl, I’ll get you something decadently sinful for desert to go along with your espresso."
" Josh is going to think I followed him here or something. It’s going to be weird", Donna stated, still not getting out of the car.
" Why would he think that? In fact, how can you even be sure he’s having lunch here?"
" Because he told me he was coming here. He even wanted me to make the reservations."
" Why? Is he ignorant of how a phone works, or does he have some sort of psychological aversion to making his own reservation?" Mark quipped.
" No. He was just being…Josh", she replied dourly.
" I see… well, he may have been unable to make reservations without your assistance and therefore isn’t eating here at all. I, however, did make reservations, and would like to go inside and take advantage of them."
" Fine. But I just know I’m going to hear about this later", Donna grumbled, getting out the car finally.
" You’re a big girl- you can take it", Mark assured her as they walked into the restaurant.
Donna did at least have the small satisfaction of being right. As she and Mark were being escorted to their table, she saw Josh and Amy ensconced in a corner of the dining room. Amy had her back to them, but Donna couldn’t help but notice Josh’s reaction at seeing her walking to a table at an opposite corner . She just wondered how much of that reaction was due to her, and how much was due to the man who was walking alongside her, his hand resting somewhat possessively at the small of her back. When she took her seat, Mark leaned over and whispered in her ear, " He’s here, isn’t he?"
As Mark took his seat, Donna pretended to quickly scan the room, and with an innocent smile, nodded in the affirmative.
" He’s the reason that we’re ‘seeing one another’, isn’t he?"
" I have no idea what you’re talking about, Mark."
" Fine. Have it your way. I just need to know one thing."
" What?"
" Are we having lots of sex, or not?" Mark asked with a good-natured, yet slightly wicked grin.
Donna didn’t answer, but the knowing smile on her face spoke volumes.
************************************************************************
" Did you just swallow a bug or something?" Amy asked in typical smart-aleck fashion when she noticed the expression on Josh’s face.
" What? No…I’m fine."
" You don’t look fine. You look like you swallowed a large bug", Amy rejoined, turning in her seat to follow the direction of Josh’s gaze. " Isn’t that your assistant?"
" Uhh- yeah. I don’t know who the steroid case is though", Josh replied, not quite able to fully return his attention to Amy. He kept looking at the table where Donna and ‘super-jock’ were seated.
" Do you know all of Donna’s friends?" Amy asked.
" Yeah…no…I don’t know. Most of them, I guess. Why do you ask?" Josh asked, his tone bordering on impatient.
" No special reason, J. You just made it sound like you were privy to all the assorted details of Donna’s personal life, that’s all", Amy replied, and Josh couldn’t help but notice that her tone had turned just a little snippy.
" We’ve worked rather closely for a few years, Amy. You learn things about people."
" If you say so. I guess she isn’t keeping you up on current events, since you don’t know who her new friend is", Amy observed with hidden pleasure as she cast another glance over her shoulder at Donna and her dining companion.
" Probably some gomer. I doubt he’ll be around long enough to matter", Josh stated, ordering another drink from the passing waiter. He had the fleeting thought that if it was Donna across the table from him that she’d be chastising him about his ‘delicate system’. Amy didn’t even raise an eyebrow. ‘That’s a good thing-right?’, he asked himself.
" Well, I don’t know exactly what you mean by ‘gomer’, but I think I can guess- and I think you better look again. That is no ‘gomer’."
" What makes you so sure? I’ve seen my share of well-dressed gomers, too."
" Josh, I know this is a company town, but don’t you pay attention to anyone outside of the political realm? That’s Mark Baxter. You’ve never heard of BCI? Computer imaging- software and design. Very cutting edge stuff."
" That’s a computer geek?" Josh asked incredulously, looking with disbelief in the direction of Mark. The guy was at least six-three, and was built like a running back for the Washington Redskins.
" Why don’t you say that a little louder, J- I don’t think he heard you." Amy suggested mockingly.
" Explain please, how you know so much about some gomer who works for a computer company?" Josh asked impatiently.
" Josh, he owns the company."
" Oh", he said, somewhat deflated. He quickly rebounded with a counter argument though.
" So what- big deal. Computer companies go belly up all the time. At best, he’s a ‘flash in the pan’ . Hardly consistent and stable material", Josh asserted, unwilling to concede his original impression that the guy was a loser.
" The article I read didn’t seem to think so. In fact, they have him on their ‘up and coming’ list. Future Fortune 500 material was how they put it, I believe. Not to mention, he’s into a lot of humanitarian causes- computer funding for inner-city schools, scholarship funds-the whole deal."
" What are you - this guy’s P.R spokesman?" Josh asked, a little belligerently.
" Spokesperson", Amy corrected. " Not at all- I’m just stating facts. I thought you’d be happy to know that Donna isn’t keeping unsavory company. In fact, I would say she’s doing pretty well for herself", Amy stated, with a pointed look.
Donna glanced across the room, and noticed that Josh was still looking in their direction occasionally.
" I told you this was going to be weird", Donna said, as their entrees were served.
" It’s only weird because you keep paying attention every time he glances in this direction. Ignore him."
"That’s easy for you to say."
" It’s easy to do. But, I’d be more than willing to change places with you, if you’d like", Mark offered, knowing perfectly well that Donna would decline the offer.
" No thanks, I think that would be a trifle obvious, don’t you?"
" Yeah- but I figured it wouldn’t hurt to offer", Mark replied with a shrug, as he buttered a roll and offered it to her. She took the roll and laughed, despite the fact that Josh was glaring in their direction again. She was going to take Mark’s advice. Despite the looks from Josh, despite he fact that he was with Amy. Despite the fact that she still wished that Josh would look at her the way she sometimes caught Mark looking at her.
" Donna?"
" Yeah?"
" You went away for a minute. You okay?"
" Yeah. How about you tell me more about how you plan on wooing me away from Josh?"
" Okay- and just for asking that, I’ll see about ordering you that decadently sinful dessert", he promised with a grin.
Contrary to Donna’s earlier prediction, Josh was back at work before she was. Of course, that had a little more to do with design than accident. That, and the fact that Amy had gotten a little tired of him looking over her shoulder, rather than in her direction. Of course he had gotten a little tired of her going on about what a good catch that ‘computer boy’ was for Donna. For all she knew, the guy could be a real sleaze. You couldn’t judge a book by it’s cover- especially not in this town. So, the first thing he did after returning to the office was to place a few phone calls. He was going to find out everything there was to know about ‘Mr. Dot.Com’.
Thirty minutes later, Josh was banging his head on his desk. If this guy was a jerk, he was the most cleverly disguised jerk in history. The guy’s middle name was practically Mr. Wonderful! Top of his class at University of Wisconsin, captain of the football team, co-captain of the debate team….Good God- could this guy possibly be for real? Oh, and just to put the icing on the cake- he was from Donna’s hometown. Yep- that’s right, hometown boy makes good. Donna had probably known him since she was in pig-tails. Amy was right- this was no gomer. He let his head fall to his desk, with a defeated bang.
" Is that some sort of aversion therapy you’re doing? Or has your head become too heavy for your body?"
Josh looked up and saw Donna standing in the doorway, her arms crossed in front of her. She was giving him a look that suggested she was having serious doubts regarding his sanity. He could relate to that.
" I’m… I don’t know. Did you enjoy your lunch?"
" Yes. It was very nice. But then, you know how good the food at Bertolinni’s is."
" Yeah…I do. Did you go there because you knew I’d be there?" Josh asked, realizing almost as soon as the words were out of his mouth how childish and petty they sounded.
Donna reached behind her and closed the door with a bang. Then she walked the few steps to Josh’s desk, leaned over it with fire in her eyes, and let him have it.
" You know what, Josh? You’re an ass! A great big, egotistical, self-involved ass! I don’t know how in the world I’ve managed to overlook that all these years. You actually think my world revolves all around you, don’t you? Well- you’re in for a big surprise- because it doesn’t!"
With that, she turned and marched out of his office, slamming the door behind her.
Donna stood by her desk, shaking from top to bottom. She couldn’t believe she’d done that. It wasn’t as if he didn’t deserve it- but… she shouldn’t have done it here. Of course, if not here- then where? Still, she shouldn’t have said those things. How could she go through the rest of the day- the rest of the week- the rest of the time they had working together with this kind of tension and anger between them? The answer was simple. She couldn’t. She wrote a quick note while she called down to Human Resources to arrange for a temp. She made one more call, then she folded the note, and slipping it in an envelope, she walked over to Josh’s door. She stood there for a few moments, debating whether or not to knock or just walk in. Finally, realizing she was taking the chicken’s way out, she kneeled down and slipped it under his door. She heaved one last, heavy and regretful sigh, before she gathered her coat and purse and left.
**********************************************************************
In what Donna inwardly referred to as a repeat of a few nights ago, Mark opened the door almost as soon as she knocked. She didn’t have to wait for her hug this time though. The minute he saw her face he pulled her into his arms.
" Poor baby-what could possibly have happened in such a short amount of time?"
" Don’t ask", she mumbled into his shirtfront.
" Okay- but it’s gonna be kind of hard for me to help if I don’t know what happened", Mark stated, rubbing her back gently as he held her.
" I’ll tell you about it later. Can I just curl up on your sofa for a little bit while you work? You won’t even know I’m here."
" I doubt that’s true- but if that’s what you want, be my guest. I’ll be in my office if you want anything. Okay?"
Donna nodded and waited until he had walked into his office before walking over to his wide, deep sofa, and curling up in a corner of it.
She reached into her purse and pulled out her cell phone. She had switched it over so that all her calls went to voice mail. As soon as she checked her messages, she was glad she had. There were three messages from Josh. All of them had the same theme- come back and talk it over. But she was tired of talking. She was tired of everything being the way it had been in the last several weeks. Basically, she was just tired. Still, her deeply ingrained sense of responsibility would not allow her to just take off- like a thief in the night. She had to talk to someone- someone not Josh. She mentally ticked off the possibilities until she landed on just the right one. Deciding that the best thing to do was get it over with, she dialed the number.
" Margaret, hi- it’s Donna…"
" Donna! Where are you? Josh is on the warpath", Margaret said, in a hushed and urgent tone.
" Define ‘warpath’."
" He’s slammed his door so many times that we’re all waiting for it to fall off the hinges, and he yelled at the temp when she couldn’t reach you at home. I think she’s ready to defect."
Donna sighed heavily, rubbing her brow to try to assuage the monster headache that was growing with every second that ticked by.
" Try to hold things together as well as you can. Talk to the temp and ask her to try to ignore Josh’s temper . If all else fails, you might suggest that Leo set him down. I’m really sorry about all this…"
" Can you tell me what happened? Ginger said she was walking by and heard you yelling at Josh, then went she went back through you were gone, and there was a temp sitting at your desk."
" Margaret, I’m sorry…I just can’t go into it now. Suffice it to say that things have just gotten way out of hand and I can’t be there right now. I may not be able to come back. I just don’t know…"
" I’m sorry too, Donna. I guess it must be something pretty serious for you to do this- just leave like this. I’ll do what I can to keep things on an even keel, and I’ll let Leo know what the situation is", Margaret said, and although Donna could tell she was burning with curiosity to know what was at the root of all this, she didn’t press Donna for details. To Donna it was just another example of the kind of friendship and loyalty she would be leaving behind if she decided not to go back. That thought, on top of everything else, brought fresh tears to her eyes.
" Thanks Margaret- I really appreciate it. Could you do one more thing for me?"
" Sure- just name it."
" Could you keep an eye on Josh?"
Margaret didn’t answer her right away, and Donna thought she was going to come back with questions or comments that Donna just couldn’t hear right now. It was on the tip of her tongue to tell Margaret to forget about her request, when finally she answered her.
" Sure, Donna. You can count on me. Can you do me a favor too?"
" I’ll try."
" Don’t make any hasty decisions that you might regret later, okay? Just take the time you need and do what’s really right for you."
" I’ll remember that- I promise", Donna assured her and promised she’d keep her updated.
Donna sat curled up on the sofa for a while after her conversation with Margaret. She watched all the activity on the street below, and the wind whip through the barren trees that lined the Georgetown sidewalk. Ironically, Mark’s apartment wasn’t very far from Josh’s. Just a few blocks, in fact. She remembered walking past this very building during that long summer of Josh’s recuperation after he was shot. She remembered how close they became that summer- how many barriers crumbled. She remembered how much he needed her, and how natural his needing her had felt. Then she remembered seeing Amy and Josh on the front steps of his building a few weeks ago, and how wrong it felt to see Amy sitting so close to Josh in a place she had occupied so many times in the past. She buried her head in her hands at the thought of how pathetic her life had become, and then she got angry.
How could Josh ignore everything she had been to him? How could he disregard that deep bond of trust they had forged over the months and years of knowing one another? How could he ignore all the times they had been there for each other, and gamble everything on the hope that it might work with someone he really didn’t know? Because that was the thing- he may have known her for a long time, but that didn’t mean he knew all there was to know about her. Donna had a feeling that Amy was a woman who kept a lot of herself hidden- that she only gave up the parts of herself she could afford to lose. How could Josh be satisfied with that kind of a woman? She had always thought of him as the kind of person who gave everything to the person he loved and needed the same in return.
The anger was burning itself out, and Donna realized she needed to let it go- at least for now. If she didn’t she would end up turning it on herself, and she just didn’t have the energy for that right now. Growing sick of her own company and her own thoughts, she got up and walked down the hall to Mark’s office.
His door was open, and he was totally engrossed in whatever he was working on. He had changed out of the suit he was wearing earlier, and into the familiar old jeans and his old UW football jersey. Taking advantage of his preoccupation with his work, Donna looked around his office. For the first time, she took notice of how neat and immaculate everything was. She noticed his trophies from high school and college, tucked back on a corner shelf, almost as if he was slightly embarrassed by those bygone accolades. The most prominent decorations in the room were the framed photographs that occupied every bit of wall space not taken up by bookcases. There were pictures of his parents and his sister. Donna remembered that his sister had died in a car accident in her junior year of college. She was working towards her education degree, and had planned on teaching in the inner-city schools where she knew she’d be needed the most. Mark took it very hard when she died, as they had been very close. She had been his older sister. ‘Just like Josh losing Joanie’, she thought fleetingly. She pushed the thought away with impatience. She needed to stop letting Josh creep into every thought she had.
Regardless of her desire, the comparisons came anyway. The way they both attacked their work as though every day was full of promise and potential. The way they both had boundless energy when they were working towards a goal. The way they both wanted their work to mean something real and important- to have a lasting effect. Would it be possible to get the same kind of fulfillment and joy working for Mark as she had with Josh all these years? Was that really what was keeping her from making a decision regarding Mark’s job offer? Or was it something else- something deeper?
" Are you going to just stand there and watch me work, or do you feel like talking now?" Mark asked, surprising her since he never took his eyes away from the computer screen. She smiled to herself, thinking that she have known better than to assume Mark hadn’t noticed her.
" I don’t know about talking, but I do know that I’m sick of my own company", Donna replied.
" Okay- well that works out fine for me, since I never get tired of your company", Mark said, turning to her with a smile as he left his seat and came over to where she stood.
" I can’t imagine why."
" Well, I can think of plenty of reasons, but I don’t think you’re ready to hear them right now. How about some tea and sympathy instead?"
" You’re on, but in lieu of sympathy I’ll take a couple of aspirins, if you have any", Donna replied as they walked into his kitchen.
" A massage would be better for you. The headache is coming from stress. You need to remove the source of the stress."
" As wonderful as your massages are, they’re not going to be able to remove the source of my current stress."
" And that is?"
" Josh, my job, and what I’m going to do", Donna replied as she took a seat at the kitchen table.
" I take it something happened when you returned to work that brought everything to the forefront?" Mark asked as he put the kettle on the stove and took a small bottle of aspirin from one of the cupboards.
" Oh, you could say Josh and I had a minor collision. He did something that I was afraid he would do."
" Which was?"
" He accused us of following him to Bertolinni’s."
" Well, you sort of expected that, didn’t you?" Mark asked, offering her the aspirin and a glass of water.
" It wasn’t just that he accused me- it was the way he said it. It was this smug, snarky-"
" Snarky?" he asked, taking a seat across from her.
" It’s… never mind. It’s too hard to explain. Just trust me, it applies. It was this whole, ‘your world revolves around me, and you know it’ attitude he had going. I just lost it. I told him he was an insufferable, egotistical ass, and I slammed out of his office. Then I called down for a temp, left Josh a note and hot-footed it out of there."
"Hmmm…"
" Hmmm? Is that it? I tell you I had a meltdown in my boss’s office and the best you can say is ‘hmmm’?" Donna asked, giving him a look like he’d lost his mind.
" This wasn’t about you and ’your boss’. This was about you and Josh. There’s a difference", Mark replied, unperturbed by her small outburst.
" I doubt Josh would make that distinction", Donna grumbled.
" I think you’re wrong. I think the problem is that you’ve been operating under a different set of ground rules for so long that there are no lines anymore. That’s why all this nonsense with Amy has you in such a tail spin."
" I *am not* in a tail spin!" Donna spat out indignantly.
" If you say so", Mark replied amiably, getting up to fix the tea.
" I thought you were supposed to be my friend- and be supportive", Donna said, her voice taking on a petulant tone.
Mark put her tea down in front of her and said , " Drink that, and listen."
" First of all, I am your friend, and you know it. That’s the reason I believe it’s my job to point out certain facts that you either won’t, or don’t want to see", he said taking the seat across from her again.
" Like what?"
" Like it was okay the way things were until another person came in and mixed things up, screwing up that delicate little balance you two have. Now everything’s at risk. Like today, I was the one that shook up things on Josh’s little end of the see-saw."
" He couldn’t have cared less who I was with. He was just mad that I showed up at the same place as him and his precious Amy!"
" You’re wrong, Donna. I spent enough time on the football field running the ball to know when I had someone’s eyes on my back looking to take me down. You never lose that instinct- trust me on that."
" You must have taken a few hits without your helmet on to come up with an idea like that. You’re seriously trying to tell me that Josh said what he did because he’s jealous?"
" I’m not ‘trying’ to tell you a single thing but what I already did. You’re either going to accept it or ignore it. It’s up to you- and while I’m on a roll, I’ll add one more thing. You’re not worried all that much about your job- if that was true, you would have told me ‘no thanks’ when I offered you a job. You’re worried about everything that goes with it- and that everything is Josh."
He walked over to where she sat and knelt down next to her.
" I know there’s a lot going on between you two, and some it of you can’t do anything about- but some of it you can. So, before you make any life altering decisions, say all the things you want to say to Josh- because that’s always the biggest regret- not the stuff you do and say, but the stuff you’re too scared to do or say."
He stood up and gave her a kiss on top of her head, ruffling her hair after he did it, in exactly the same way he had when she was a gangly teenager sitting at her parents table.
" I’m going to go finish up some stuff and then go for a run. I’d like you to stay and have dinner with me, if you’d like."
Donna caught the hand that was resting on her shoulder, and giving it a squeeze, said, "Thanks, Mark. I’d like that."
When Mark left her sitting there, she kept thinking about what he’d said about regretting the things you were too scared to say or do. Was that going to be her burden too?
Josh picked up the note and read it again. He wasn’t really sure why in the hell he was reading it again. Either he had some deeply childish hope that the words would magically change the tenth time he read it, or he was punishing himself. It was a toss up which of the two was the correct choice. He knew the minute she had stormed out of his office that he should go after her- but he hadn’t. Truth be told, he was reeling a little too much from the shock of what happened to do much of anything except sit there with a dumb expression on his face. He’d been shocked by things she said to him- not that he hadn’t had a little of it coming. Okay, more than a little- but still… It was a stupid thing to do, accusing her of following him to that restaurant. He couldn’t imagine what made him do it.
He looked once more at the words she had written, and wondered exactly when her handwriting had become so familiar, not to mention, readable to him. It wasn’t exactly like he needed to read it again- the words were pretty much burned into his memory. ‘We can’t go on like this… I need some time to figure out where to go and what to do…I’ll be in touch…’
How had they gotten to this point? They used to be so comfortable with each other…so in sync with one another. He thought they were friends. Did friends just run out on one another? His thoughts were interrupted by the phone ringing and he lunged for it.
" Donna?"
" No Josh…It’s Amy. Why did you think it was Donna? Isn’t she usually the one answering your phone?"
" Sorry…I’m…I was…what do you need?"
" Well…I was wondering if you had plans tonight- there’s this great party-"
" No… I can’t, Amy. I’ve got a ton of stuff- and …well, I just can’t."
" Okay. Maybe some other time. Call me later?"
" Yeah…I’ll call. Bye."
Josh dropped the phone back in the cradle and his head back onto the desk. What in the hell was he going to do?
************************************************************************
Mark finished his work for the day and went into the living room to check on Donna. He found her napping on the sofa. After a few moments of just standing there, watching her as she slept, he covered her with an old afghan his grandmother had made for him when he first went off to college. Carefully tucking it around her shoulders, so he wouldn’t disturb her, he went to change for his evening run.
Mark hoped that the time and space he was giving Donna would help her make the right decision. As much as he’d like to lure her away from Josh, he was more concerned with seeing her happy. Whether he liked it or not, Josh seemed to be what she wanted- even if she couldn’t admit it to herself. He just hoped that Josh would eventually see that he wanted Donna as much as she wanted him. Life didn’t give you a whole lot of shots at the brass ring, and if you wasted the ones you got… well there weren’t any guarantees that you would get another pass at it.
Leo walked into Josh’s office late that afternoon and took a good long look at him. Margaret had been right; he looked like hell. Whatever had happened between him and Donna must have been pretty serious. Josh was so preoccupied with his own thoughts that he hadn’t even noticed Leo’s presence. To put a point on it, the body was still there, but the mind was in some other place entirely.
" So…I haven’t heard any noise from this direction in a while. I figured I’d come over and make sure they weren’t trying to stuff your body in a file cabinet", Leo said, coming into Josh’s office and closing the door.
" And who would ’they’ be?" Josh asked, his tone making it clear that he wasn’t in the mood for jokes.
" Anyone who’s had the dubious pleasure of your company this afternoon. By the way, I hope you haven’t been spreading that charm in too wide a circle. There’s only so many fires I care to put out in one day", Leo replied grimly.
" Don’t worry, Leo. The only messes I’ve made today are the ones that affect me, not the President."
" What about Donna?"
" What about her?"
" Well… she’s not out there, and there’s a temp sitting at her desk- so, I assume she left for the day."
" Yeah."
" Is she sick?"
" No."
" Family emergency?"
" Not that I know of."
Since Josh was not really paying attention, he didn’t notice the scowl that was developing at a rapidly increasing rate on Leos’ face.
" Did you perhaps say or do something to upset her?"
" Apparently, many things", Josh replied glumly.
" Well in that case, I have only one thing to say…"
" What?"
" Fix it."
" Fix it? That’s it?"
" Yeah, fix it, and do it soon."
" I can’t fix it, Leo. She doesn’t want to talk to me."
" You talk to people all the time that don’t want to talk to you. I suggest you employ that skill now- in fact I suggest you employ it to it’s fullest potential."
" I don’t know Leo…I pissed her off pretty bad."
" So, what else is new? Go fix it- now."
" I can’t leave yet…I have stuff that I need to finish", Josh replied, in what was, to Leo, a rather transparent attempt at stalling.
" That wasn’t a request, Josh. You’re no good here as you are. Go and fix this. When you come in tomorrow, I want your full attention, and nothing less."
With that said, Leo turned to leave. Just as he was walking out of Josh’s office, he turned back.
" Josh…"
" Yeah?
" Don’t screw this up."
With those parting words, Leo left Josh sitting there trying to think of how he could possibly do this without screwing everything up worse than it already was. Finally, he came to the conclusion that it was already just about as bad as it could get. So, in the long run what did he have to lose?
Josh had been to every conceivable place he could think of trying to locate Donna- with no luck. How in the hell could he fix things if he couldn’t find her? She still wasn’t answering her cell, and he’d gotten sick of leaving messages on it. She obviously wasn’t planning on returning any of them any time soon, so why bother? Giving in to at least temporary defeat, he made his way home.
Mark was on his way home after his run when he decided to make a slight detour. It would probably be for nothing. Donna had told him what kind of hours Josh usually kept. Of course, that was before the beguiling Miss Gardner had captured his attention. Still…nothing ventured, nothing gained. Not that he would be gaining anything by this possible exercise in futility. Quite the opposite, in fact. If it did work out, he would be essentially shooting himself in the foot where Donna was concerned. But, he had been telling her the truth when he said he was her friend- and as her friend he owed it to her to try.
Josh was just about to climb the steps of his building when he saw a slightly familiar figure walking in his direction. He just stood there, until finally the light from the streetlamps revealed the man’s facial features well enough that Josh recognized him.
" Great- this is all I need…" Josh muttered under his breath. "Mr. Wonderful."
Josh didn’t give in to his first impulse, which was to climb the steps and avoid any potential contact with the guy. In the mood he was in, he would probably end up saying something that might not be too beneficial to his health. Still…‘Mr. Perfect’ might know where he could find Donna. In the end, it was that thought that kept him standing there.
" You’re Josh Lyman, right?" Mark said, stopping just a few feet from where Josh stood.
" Yep, that’s me", Josh replied curtly.
" Mark Baxter…I’m a friend of Donna’s", Mark said offering his hand to Josh.
" So I gathered", Josh replied, reluctantly offering his own hand in a handshake.
" You mind if we talk for a minute?" Mark asked, nodding towards the steps between them.
Josh shrugged in response and took a seat on one of the lower steps. Mark joined him.
" I saw you and Donna today at Bertolinni’s. Go there often?"
" No, today was the first time for me. Donna mentioned once how much she liked the food there, so I thought I’d surprise her."
" Is that so", Josh replied, thinking that if he needed any further proof of his earlier stupidity, that was it.
" Yeah…she didn’t know that’s where I was taking her, Josh. She was as surprised as you were."
" I would say I was a little more surprised. She knew I was going to be there with someone. I, on the other hand, had no idea she’d show up there with a date."
Mark regarded Josh carefully for a moment. He couldn’t help but wonder if Josh knew exactly how telling that remark was. Deciding to test his theory a little, he waited to see what reaction his next statement induced.
" Well, I’m trying to get her to agree to a certain proposal I made. I figured a little culinary persuasion wouldn’t be out of line."
‘Well, that remark hit the bulls-eye’, Mark thought, noticing that Josh’s jaw muscles were flexing in a way that looked like he was chewing glass. Finally he managed to bite out a response.
" What sort of proposal?"
" Oh that… I asked her to come to work for me. She’s smart as hell. Did you know that? I mean, especially for someone who didn’t finish college. I even told her that I’d give her the opportunity to work on finishing her degree. Money for school certainly wouldn’t be a problem, not with the salary I offered her…" Mark trailed off, noticing that Josh got more despondent with every word he uttered. Yeah, this guy was definitely a fool in love.
" So, I suppose she jumped at the offer", Josh said in the manner of a little boy who had just discovered that his best friend in the world liked playing at another kids house better than his. Remembering how despondent Donna was earlier that day, he was tempted to leave Josh wallowing in the misery of his assumptions- but he just couldn’t. He felt too sorry for the guy.
" Actually, she keeps putting me off. I’ve tried everything I can to lure her away- but she won’t jump on board. Have any idea what’s holding her back?"
" If I did, what makes you think I’d tell you", Josh replied sharply, looking at Mark as if he was either stupid or terribly naive.
" Well, I understand that you’d hate to lose such a capable and efficient assistant, but you have to realize what a great growth experience this could be for her. There’s no limit to what she could do."
" Working in the White House isn’t exactly a dead end job."
" I never said it was- but it’s not a permanent position either. Donna needs to think about her future", Mark pointed out reasonably.
" Exactly what part do you play in that future?" Josh asked, a definite edge to his voice.
" I thought I already made that clear- I’m Donna’s friend. I care about her. Anything more than that is up to her", Mark replied, the steel in his voice an even match for Josh’s previous tone.
Josh looked at this guy that he had tried really hard to dismiss as a ‘gomer’, or a loser, and finally had to admit that if it wasn’t for Donna they would probably end up being friends. He wasn’t a cocky, self involved jerk out to use Donna- he was a nice guy who was thinking about her best interests. Could he say the same thing about himself? He’d like to think so- but he wasn’t so sure anymore.
" Josh, I have two things to say- then I’m going to go."
" Okay."
" You said earlier that you noticed Donna and I at the restaurant- well, we noticed you too. I did especially. I spent the majority of that lunch feeling your eyes boring into my back. So I’ve got to ask- if you’re involved with someone else-why do you care who Donna spends her time with?"
" I’m …she’s my…friend. I’m looking out for her", Josh asserted, but as soon as he said it, even he had to admit it sounded painfully lame.
" You don’t think Donna’s bright and capable enough to spot a ‘gomer’ when she sees one?"
" She hasn’t had much luck in the past doing that", Josh grumbled.
" That loser she dated in college happened to a much younger, less experienced Donna. I think she’s done what we all should do- learned from her mistakes and grown from her experiences. No one stays the same."
Josh thought about that for a moment, and when Mark stood up to leave he turned to him and asked him a question.
" You said you had two things to say- what was the other thing?"
" Oh that… well, that was more along the lines of something for you to think about."
" What’s that?"
" Did you ever stop to wonder- given all the inducements I’ve dangled in front of her- why Donna still won’t agree to come work with me?"
Mark stood there, watching as Josh mentally put two and two together. Finally he said, "Donna’s at my place. You might want to try giving her a call later. Nice talking to you, Josh."
Josh watched as Mark walked away, and then picked himself up off the steps and went inside. He definitely had a lot to think about.
Mark returned home to find Donna in his kitchen, cutting vegetables for a salad.
" You trying to take over in here?" he said with a grin, as he grabbed a bottle of water from the fridge.
" Nope, just lending a helping hand. I assumed those steaks I saw marinating in the refrigerator were for the dinner you promised me. I thought I’d make a salad."
" Thanks. Did you have a nice nap?"
" It was okay. My headache’s gone- for now anyway", she replied as she cut a cucumber into slices and put it in the bowl.
" That’s good. You know… you might want turn your phone back on- now that you’re feeling a little better."
" Why would I want to do that?" Donna asked, giving him an odd look.
" No special reason- maybe your roommate or someone is trying to get in touch with you. You never know…" Mark suggested, as he walked out of the kitchen, calling back as he walked away, " I’m taking a shower."
Donna looked at his retreating back a little suspiciously, but then shrugged and continued on with what she was doing.
A little later she went into the living room and picked up her phone, to check her messages. There was one from Margaret telling her what time she should be home and to call if she needed anything. There were similar ones from Ginger and Bonnie. Finally there was another from Josh. He said he was out looking for her, and he was sorry for everything, and he would really love for her to call him- he’d be home all evening.
She sat back on the sofa, feeling the lump in her throat and the tears in her eyes. Damn it! Why did he have to sound so…upset…and mournful. She could almost see those pleading brown eyes. She almost hit the number on her speed-dial that would ring him at home, but she stopped herself at the last minute. No. She wouldn’t call him. But she’d talk to him if he called her.
She looked up to see Mark leaning against the wall watching her.
" How long have you been standing there?"
" Long enough to watch you get all worked up over a phone message that I assume was from Josh."
" Why would you assume that?"
" Donna…"
" Okay- fine! It was Josh, but I’m not calling him back. If he wants to call me he knows my number", Donna said firmly.
" Yeah. I’m sure he’ll do that- because it’s worked so well before", Mark replied sarcastically.
" I’m not calling him."
" Fine. Who am I to argue? Come on and help me with dinner."
" I already made salad."
" Fine- then watch me make dinner."
Donna was about to follow him into the kitchen when her phone rang. She stopped in her tracks, and looked at the thing like it was a rattlesnake about to strike. Mark, noticing her reaction, rolled his eyes and pushed her in the direction of the phone.
" And talk to him this time", he said as he left the room.
" Hello?"
" Donna…it’s you…"
" It’s my phone, Josh. Were you expecting someone else?"
" No…it’s just. Can we talk?"
" I thought we were talking…"
" No, I mean…can we talk face to face?"
" About what?"
" About me being stupid."
" I’m not sure I have that kind of time, Josh."
At that Josh felt the smallest glimmer of hope. If they could still bring the banter, then all wasn’t lost- was it?
" I’ll try to confine that subject to recent acts of stupidity. That should help a little", he offered.
" Where?"
" My place?"
" No", Donna answered quickly. She didn’t want to deal with any phantom traces of Amy at his place.
" Okay. Your place?"
" How about that little coffee shop on the corner about two blocks from your place?" Donna counter offered.
" Okay. I’ll be waiting."
" Okay."
Donna hung up and took a deep breath, then walked into the kitchen.
" Would you think I was a really awful person if I asked for a rain check on that steak?" she asked Mark, interrupting him as he was slicing onions and mushrooms.
" No, I wouldn’t think that. Not at all. Are you going to meet Josh somewhere?"
" Yeah… the coffee shop around the corner."
" Good. I hope you guys can work everything out."
" Mark…I…you’re a great friend. You know that?"
" Yeah- I’m a real prince. Go on. Go- talk.", Mark said shooing her off.
Donna was about to leave when she turned back and gave Mark a heartfelt hug. In return, he kissed the top of her head, and ruffled her hair.
" Get out of here- oh and Donna…"
" Yeah?"
" Tell him if he screws up this chance, I’ll break his legs."
" Okay", she agreed cheerily on her way out.
Josh arrived at the coffee shop first, but Donna arrived soon after. She saw him sitting in one of the booths by the window, and immediately noticed how nervous he looked. Slowly she walked over to the table and slid into the seat across from him. She looked down and noticed that he’d already ordered coffee for her.
" I got you coffee", he pointed out unnecessarily.
" So I see."
" Yeah… about earlier. I’m sorry about that. That was a stupid, arrogant, inconsiderate thing to say. I was being…"
" An ass?"
" Yeah. I was being an ass. A…jealous ass."
" Jealous? Of what? The last time I looked you were busy being ensorcelled by Amy", Donna replied, unable to keep the bite out of her voice.
" Yeah…uh that ensorcelled thing…that’s not quite…"
" Wheels coming off the wagon already, Josh?"
" I lasted longer than two dates."
" Josh- is this why you called? To have me hold your hand while you mourn the end of your train-wreck relationship?"
‘Wow…that came out way more nasty than I intended’, she thought.
" No. I called because I wanted to tell you that I’m sorry…"
" You said that on the phone."
" Donna- I’m trying to say something here…"
" Okay. Sorry."
" I also wanted to tell you- ask you…okay, beg you not to leave."
" Beg, Josh?"
" If I have to. I mean…Donna , don’t leave. What ever I have to do- I’ll do. I can’t afford to lose you."
" As an assistant? Josh, I’m not that indispensable- you can find someone to replace me with a little effort."
" I’m not talking about work- I’m talking about us. I can’t afford to lose you in my life. Please don’t go."
" I don’t know, Josh."
" Can you try?" Josh asked, reaching across the table to take her hand.
" I suppose. But there is one thing…you’ll have to learn to do without me for a little while anyway."
" Why?"
" You wouldn’t get me out of jury duty. Now I have to serve."
" Oh. Well , maybe some influential man will do something to get you out of it", Josh offered, looking a little smug.
" Yeah, that’s a good idea. I’ll ask Mark to see what he can do", Donna replied, eyeing him with amusement over her coffee cup.
" I was talking about me, Donna."
" Oh yeah, I guess you could try too."
" Very funny…so, we’re okay.
" Yeah. For now. We‘ll work on tomorrow when it gets here."
" I can live with that", Josh said reaching across the table to take her hand once more. This time he didn’t let go while they talked and neither did she. It had been a while and Josh realized how much he’s missed the intense connection they always had when they were together. As far as tomorrow- well, Donna was right. They’d worry about that when they got there. One thing was for sure though- he’d never blow another chance like he’d almost blown this one.
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