EXCLUSIVE INTERVIEW: CAT NEWS HOME

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KITTY CHAN

IBN SAHD

CHAN: "You are the Honorable Ibn Sahd."

SAHD: "Please call me Ib."

CHAN: "Ib, you are not an ordinary sand cat."

SAHD: "As you know, Kitty, I have been genetically enhanced by the Galactic

Trading Commission."

CHAN: "What is your connection with the GTC?"

SAHD: "My mother was the nominal pet of a Saudi tribal little girl."

CHAN: "The girl's name was Fatima, I believe."

SAHD: "Still is, Kitty. Fatima developed a relationship with the GTC on the Web.

They were in the market for Saudi whims. Fatima had a whim that the GTC

was particularly fond of. In exchange she requested a fully-sentient kitten

for my mother, Lila."

CHAN: "Fascinating. How did you come to be the official representative of the nation

of sandcat?"

SAHD: "The Saudi government wanted to diversify their product-line. They

established a conglommerate called SalamCat whose first product would be

a mass-produced cat that had hitherto been extremely rare, Felis

Margarita, a denizen of the Middle Eastern desert. I was the natural

agent for legitimizing the operation."

CHAN: "How did the GTC get involved?"

SAHD: "The GTC was my legal guardian vis-à-vis their involvement in my

genetic modification. SalamCat persuaded the GTC to become

commercially involved in their breeding and marketing operation as

a bulwark against the inevitable conservationist backlash."

CHAN: "Wow. Your nemesis, Moshe Geller, is also a genetic product of the

GTC, right?"

SAHD: "Right you are, Kitty. Moshe was originally a redundancy, a backup in

case of some unforseen flaw in my creation. His sentience led to some

unanticipated Freudian complications, and…"

CHAN: "Wait a minute. Are you saying that Geller is emotionally ill?"

SAHD: "At the very least, hopelessly neurotic. There were several disturbing

episodes, including a bizarre involvement with a Siberian tiger cub."

CHAN: "Geller has declared an 'invincible jihad' to destroy SalamCat as well

as you and even himself when his mission of destruction is completed."

SAHD: "Yeah, sure. He says that because he knows that his mission is

impossible and therefore can never BE completed."

CHAN: "He's a phoney?"

SAHD: "Not in his own eyes. He is a de facto phoney as a result of his dubious

grasp on reality. He once vowed to make the nation-of-sandcat

disappear."

CHAN: "And?"

SAHD: "He began his venture by having my brothers and sisters dyed black,

to make them 'disappear'. He lost his catnip rations for a full year."

CHAN: "Playing with a short deck, eh?"

SAHD: "A good way of putting it."

CHAN: "Well, Ib, I see by the old clock on the proverbial wall that our time

is up. Thank you for this wonderful opportunity."

SAHD: "My pleasure, Kitty."