"Morbid much."

Cordelia: "When did you become Martha Stewart?"
Buffy: "First of all, Martha Stewart knows jack about hand-cut prosciutto."
Xander: "I don't believe she slays either."
Oz: "Oh, I hear she can, but she doesn't like to."

"Okay! Scarred for life. Oh god.

"Know your losers. Once you can identify them all by sight they're a lot easier to avoid."

"God! What is your childhood trauma?"

"It's like when I go shopping. I have to have the most expensive thing. Not because it's expensive, but because it costs more."

"Hey! You think I'm never lonely because I'm so cute and popular? I can be surrounded by people and be completely alone. It's not like any of them really know me. I don't even know if they like me half the time. People just want to be in the popular zone. Sometimes when I talk, everyone's so busy agreeing with me, they don't hear a word I say."

"And if you get me out of this, I swear I'll never be mean to anyone ever again. Unless they really deserve it. Or if it's that time of the month, in which case I don't think you or anyone else can hold me responsible..."

"Great. Now I'm gonna' be stuck with serious thoughts all day."

"Oh, you mean 'cause of how the only guy that ever liked her turned into a vicious killer and had to be put down like a dog?"

"Look, Buffy, we'ver never really been close - which is cool cause I don't really like you that much... But you have saved the world on occasion, so I'm going to give you some advice. Get over it. Whatever is causing the Joan Collins 'tude, deal with it. Embrace the pain, spank your inner moppet, whatever. Just get over it. Cause pretty soon you won't even have the loser friends you've got now."

Willow: "That's right, big boy. Come and get it."
Xander: "Get him! Any time now..."

Willow: "Okay, I'll give Xander a call. What's his number? Oh yeah, 1-800-I'm -dating-a-skanky-ho"
Buffy: "Meow!"
Willow: "Really? Thanks. I've never gotten a meow before."
Buffy: "Well deserved."
Willow: "Darn tootin'"

"He's getting away! And, ow."

Oz: "Do you often steal weapons from the military base?"
Willow: "Well, we don't have cable, so we have to make our own fun"

When I'm with a boy I like, it's hard for me to say anything cool, or witty, or at all. I can usually make a few vowal sounds-then I have to go away.

Willow: "So, I'd still, if...you'd still."
Oz: "I'd still? I'd very still!"
Willow: "Okay. No biting, though."
Oz: "Agreed."

Willow: "We still have some glitches in the system... like vampires getting away. But I think we're improving!"
Giles: "For god's sake be careful. I mean, I appreciate your efforts to keep the vampire population down until Buffy returns, but if anything should happen to you... should be killed, I'd take it somewhat amiss."
Willow: "You'd be cranky?"
Giles: "Entirely."
Willow: "Well, we try not to get killed. That's part of our whole mission statement: 'Don't get killed.'"

Willow: "I knew it! I knew it! Well, not 'knew it' in the sense of having the slightest idea, but I knew there was something I didn't know! You two were fighting way too much, it's not natural!"
Xander: "I know it's weird--" Willow: "'Weird'? It's against all laws of God and Man! It's...Cordelia, remember? Th-the We Hate Cordelia Club of which you are the Treasurer!"
Xander: "Look, I was gonna' tell you."
Willow: "Gee, what stopped you? Could it be shame?"

Buffy: "Go ahead, you know you want to say it."
Willow: "My boyfriend's in the band."
Amy: "Cool."
Buffy: "I think you've now told everybody."
Willow: "Only in this hemisphere."

Giles:"Yes, I must consult my books."
Xander:"Oh, 8 minutes and 33 seconds. Pay up! I called 10 minutes before you'd consult your books about something."

Xander: "You were looking at my neck."
Angel: "What?"
Xander: "You were checking out my neck, I saw that."
Angel: "No I wasn't."
Xander: "Just keep your distance, pal."
Angel: "I wasn't looking at your neck."
Xander: "I told you to eat before we left."

Xander: "Go away - this is my hiding spot."
Cordelia: "Where do I hide?"
Xander: "You don't hide - you're bait. Go act bait-y."
Cordelia: "What's the plan?"
Xander: "The vampire attacks you."
Cordelia: "And then what?"
Xander: "The vampire kills you. We watch, we rejoice."

"Just meet me at Willow's house in half an hour and wear something trashy...er."

"I laugh in the face of danger, and then I hide until it goes away."

"To read makes our speaking English good"

"First, the dummy says he's a demon hunter. Then the dummy disappears, and now we've got this brain. Does anyone else feel like they've been Kaiser Soce'd here?"

Cordelia: "Well, does looking at guns make you wanna' have sex?"
Xander: "I'm seventeen. Looking at linoleum makes me wanna' have sex."

Oh, look at my mask, isn't it pretty. It raises the dead. Bloody Americans.

"A vampire in love with a slayer... It's rather poetic, in a maudlin sort of way."

Giles: "Something's coming. Something is gonna' happen here...soon!"
Buffy: "Gee, can you vague that up for me?"

Giles: "We may, in fact, stand between the Earth and its total destruction."
Buffy: "Well, I gotta' look on the bright side. Maybe I can still get kicked out of school."
Xander: "Oh yeah, that's a plan, 'cause a lot of schools aren't on Hellmouths."
Willow: "Maybe you can blow something up. They're really strict about that."
Buffy: "I was thinking of a more subtle approach, you know, like excessive not studying."
Giles: "The Earth is doomed."

Giles: "Do you ignore everything I say as a rule?"
Buffy: "No, I believe that's your trick."

That's the thrill of living on the Hellmouth. There's a virtual cornucopia of fiends and devils and ghould to engage! Pardon me for seeing the glass half full."

Faith: "The vamps, though. They better get their asses to Defcon One. 'Cause you and I are gonna' have fun, you know? Watcherless and fancy-free."

Giles: "It's a great honor to be invited... or so I'm told."
Faith: "Oh, it's boring. Way too stuffy for a guy like you."
Buffy: "Um, maybe I should introduce you again. Faith, this is Giles."
Faith: "I've seen him. If I'd have known they came that young and cute, I would've requested a transfer."
Buffy: "Raise your hand if 'ew'."

Buffy: "Faith, you run, he runs after you."
Faith: "That's where the head start comes in handy."

Faith: "You guys are a hoot and a half. I mean, if I had friends like you in high school, I... probably still would've dropped out, but I might've been sad about it, you know?"

Faith: "Well, when I'm fighting, it's like the whole world goes away, and I only know one thing: that I'm gonna' win, and they're gonna' lose. I like that feelin'."
Buffy: "Well, sure. Beats that dead feeling you get when they win and you lose."

Faith: "I'm five-by-five here, B, living entirely large, actually wondering about your problem."
Buffy: "Well, I may not sleep in the nude and rassle alligators..."
Faith: "Maybe it's time you started 'cause obviously something in your bottle needs uncorking."

Faith: "What are you getting so strung out for, B?"
Buffy: "Why are your lips still moving, F?"
Faith: "Did I just hear a threat?"
Buffy: "Would you like to?"
Faith: "Wow. Think you can take me?"
Buffy: "Yeah. I just hope they can't!"