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PUERTO RICO
I cannot in no way write too much about Puerto Rico, the wierdest little island in the entire world, if you dont count Easter island and Australia. But there are some things that can be written about this so-called Pearl of the caribbean: How people drive like assholes and how all the women want to be blond or red-haired. Hahaha! That's all you need to know about Puerto Rico if you're going to visit.
Yes, there are cars and roads in Puerto Rico. Wow! There are MANY CARS and MANY ROADS in Puerto Rico.. In a survey (probably made by stoned car dealers) it says that there are more cars than PEOPLE in the tiny little island of Puerto Rico that has a population of at least 7 million people, that's more than Finland!
The only reason that the biggest traffic jams recorded havent occured in Puerto Rico is because it wouldn't be fair. Puerto Rico's highways and autoways (and country roads and dead-end streets) are in a constant traffic jam (tapón in Puerto Rican slang and it means "sure thing as death and taxes").
No-one knows when the ever-lasting traffic jam started, but filosopher Ramón Mújica believes that they all started the day Puertoricans realized that Caballos de Paso Fino (More on that later...) looked stupidly stupid. What are Caballos de Paso Fino... Oh my GOD! Imagine someone trained horses to "walk" only using the bottom of their legs like if they were tip-toeing... Imgine if those horses tip-toed really fast... I dont know if you can imagine that and I dont know if Puerto Rico is the only land in the world where horses know how to tip-toe at 5 miles and hour, but it's really freaoucking wierd. Why the hell would you want a horse to tip-toe at 5 miles per hour? Uh..
Some guy realized that women liked horses, then the guy rode a horse to meet all the women. But the horse ran too fast and he was smart enough not to stop since then he wouldnt meet ALL the women, so he decided to train his horse to tip-toe really fast to he could cruise around the town while greeting my grandma's grandma and not stoping (horses smell bad too, so stoping would drive away the ladies, especially if it starts to poop.)
So then for one reason or another, a third world island in the middle of the carribbean became the land with the most cars, because everyone likes to drive. Horses suck.
But it's not enough to drive 8 hours a day for Puerto Ricans, Puerto Ricans are adventure seeking people! They want to risks their lives everyday in the name of exitement!!! So instead of teaching horses to tip-toe at 12 miles-per-hour, some people decided to drive like a drunk while sober. Yes, especially people with bumper-stickers! You can bet that a person with a Jesus Christ bumper sticker is going to try to kill you. Here is a list of stuff Puertorrican drivers want to do to you:
1. When two lanes become one (and the crappy roads in Puerto Rico always have something like that) the person driving behind you will switch the the other lane and try to pass you (I call this the Puerto-Rican Auto Racing Team syndrome!) before the lanes become one (usually 15 feet from where you are).
2. Speed is all you need to get to your destination in time! Duh. But how can you drive fast if the people on your lane are too slow (driving at the speed limit of course.. maybe a little bit higher)???? You switch lanes of course! CONSTANTLY!!!! This is a race you're trying to win! The Puertorrican Auto Racing Team NEEDS you!! Win! Do it for the children!
3. Traffic lights in Puerto Rico seem to be special, unlike the rest of the traffic lights in the world. it seems that traffic lights change color only if the people who are waiting at a red light honk their horns repeatedly. If it bothers you, then honk your horn to show him you dislike his horn honking. Sooner or later, the traffic light will hear you and let you pass.
4. Blond women DO NOT know how to drive...
Ok, so there arent many natural blondes in Puerto Rico, it's a freaking tropical island full of hot air, hot water, hot days, hot nights, hot summers and hot winters. In hot climates hair becomes darker (Dont ask me about sun-bleaching! It's wierd, Native Americans never had blond hair and they took a lot of sunlight...) gentically, so even if there are Blond Irish people living in Puerto Rico (and there are, not too much) their hair would become dark during the years.
But if you go to shopping mall (YES, there are shoping malls in Puerto Rico and they dont suck) you'll see millions of tanned blond girls. Ok, let me tell you a secret... I dont like women who have skin that's darker than her hair, that makes them look wierd.. wait, wait.. I'm not a racist or anything, it's just that it looks wierd.. fake.. like Victoria Silvdesvtsds, it looks fake and like fake boobs you might like how it looks when you're an inmature freak, but when you grow older you start liking real stuff)
There's nothing wrong with having blond hair, even if it looks bad on you, even if it's the crappy neon-radioactive-orange hair color, even if your fat and would look like crap even if the hair looked good on you. But it seems that Puerto Rico is suffering from "I want to be Blonde" Syndrome in epidemic proportions (did that make sense?)
So you see women who would look better with black hair (or at least something darker) having this crazy red-orange radioactive hair color.. And you can see in her faces that they think they look hot. If you compare brunettes with "blondes" and "redheads" you'll see that the "lighter hair colored women" look 33.3% sluttier and snootier.
Another crappy thing is the skin color, nature didn't create dark-skinned blond people for a reason and that's that hair that looks lighter than the skin makes women look OLD. Yes, like grey hair or white hair. As you know, most of the people in Puerto Rico have tan skin (from birth or because the sun is 899% stronger in the island than what it is anywhere in the US or Europe or Australia or the north pole) so in most women, blond hair color would only make them uglier.
Of course, some look hot. Oh yeah. I could show you pictures, but you better go here if you want to see one (or two).
And of course, there are the really hot girls that look sexy no-matter what hair color they have, here's an example of cartoon (no, I wont use the A-word) babe: Mihoshi or Mishoshi or whatever, I dont know japanese.
If I was a cartoon character I wold be all over this babe, but I think I say the same for ever cartoon babe I see. When I become crazy (and I will!) I would be able to spank my monkey while watching the Cartoon Network.
So this rant doesn't make sense. But you learned a lot from Puerto Rico and killed a few myths, now all Puerto Rico needs is sexy babes from Singapor, you know, the ones with the sexy thin bodies and cool long black hair.. Maybe if the go to Puerto Rico they would bleach it.
