The Barbwire Memorial

Barbwire, the 3 year old gelding who would do anything if asked, died on August 1, 1999 of Eastern Equine Encephylitis (EEE), he had been infected before I bought him. My very first horse, and I couldn't have asked for better. I had had him for 2 weeks, and was with him for one. In that time, he was the best friend I had ever had, he was the horse I rode when I learned to sit the trot and gallop. I'd say he was the best horse in the world, but others may dispute that, I'll just tell it to myself.

I rode him only four times, and didn't need the second ride, I was hooked to the gentle stallion then. Yep, he was a stallion when I first rode him. I bought him at an auction in DeRidder, Louisiana for $460, and found out the next day he roped. That day he also became a gelding, my baby Barb. That day I also had to leave him and go home. That was Tuesday. I waited for six days without him, the worse times of my life, or so I thought.

That next Monday I arrived at the home of Clay Alston and his family who had kept Barbwire to take care of him since he had just been gelded. The first thing I saw upon arriving was Barb's beautiful sorrel head with an off kind of blaze running down his nose sticking over the arena fence watching me and he neighed a welcome.

I couldn't ride him that day, I don't know why. Me and Clay's daughter, Tamara, groomed him and then put him into a stall for the night.

The next day, Tuesday, we got to ride. I trotted alot and we were having lots of fun, me and Tamara were playing tag on horseback. She was riding her horse, Justice, who's sire was none other that Doc Bar. Then we fed and groomed, but this night he was going to the pasture with Justice.

It was late, the sun had already sunk into the west and me and Tamara jogged along the road to the Pastures down the street and let them loose. We returned and soon had our ehads chewed off. What pasture did we put him in? The big one with all the other horses of course. I told you to put him in the small one! No you didn't. So it started. Soon Clay's 'wife' had called every horse person she could think of, but she didn't need to, Tamara was going to show she could do something right. So, me and Tamara, in our boxers, went down the street and we found the horse no one else could, and we strode up the pasture to the road, we probably looked a sight, in our PJ's, leading a horse without a lead rope and our head's held higher than the birds.

Then came Wednesday, and that night we turned the arena light on and set out the barrels, and we trotted the barrels all night, and Barb was a natural. That night I galloped for my first time! It was amazing! I loved it so much, the wind whipping across my face as I sailed across the lit arena feeling as if in the rodeo on MY horse, a horse that was MINE! Then we stopped, we had reached the gate.

The next day was Thursday, and everything was pretty much the same, I galloped again and recieved the same wonderful feeling of flight, as if I was unstoppable! I didn't want to quit, but I must! That night, I rode Barb backwards! It is so fun, I loved it!

The next night was Friday, and me, Clay and his 'wife' were supposedly going to watch the horse parade which was before the rodeo then drive by. Well, guess what? It took 3 seconds before we were sitting in the stands. One of the people who worked with Clay's horses was in the Wild Horse Race, which is where you and 2 others get a wild horse and have to tack it up then race across the arena. Well, Colt, Clay's helper and my secret crush, won! He rode the horse across the arena. I remembered the barrel racing, and imagining myself on a 4 year old Barbwire streaking across the finish line faster than all others, I knew I could, Barb was fast, and turned on a dime. That night when we got back I dreamed of winning my first belt buckle coming in first in a Barrel Competition on Barbwire, and Barbwire being a racehorse and roper. We had earned the best US all around horse title, and I was the owner of my own horse, my Barbwire.

Now it was Saturday, and we loaded up Barb and our suitcases, because we were going to Morgan City for the night and returning Sunday. On the way over, somehow Barb's lead rope came undone and he was free. He walked around a bit, but when Clay went back to tie him up, he showed how much sence he had, he knew he shouldn't be loose, and stuck his chin out for Clay to tie him back up.

Well, we went home and dropped off Barb with my mother, and dropped off Barb's cat, Picket. My mom saw Barb and said he was beautiful, and relief flooded through my body, I had pleased my mother, finally. I waved to my mother as we left and I was off, and watched through the back window of the Z 71 until he was lost from sight, and I sat back and sighed contentedly, I had a horse.

Ok, so the days not over. It was dull though. Arounbd 5 o clock I had this nagging feeling, and I just wanted to be home, I missed my horse. I felt something was wrong.

It's Sunday, and about 5 o clock in the afternoon and I'm walking up the driveway as Clay hitches his trailer back to the truck, and my brother walks out and looks at me without a care in the world, and says, a hint of boredom in his voice, "Hey girl, You brought us a sick horse." And so my nightmare became a reality...

The first thought that raced through my head was this was some sick joke my brother had decided to play on me, he was known for these, but this was too far. I dropped my pack in the middle of my driveway and took off at a dead run. When I reached the small stall I had made I froze in horror. Could this be my beautiful sorrel three year old gelding Barbwire who shone so brightly he could almost hurt your eyes? It couldn't be. He was caked with mud, and you couldn't tell the color of his once shiny new navy halter. His coat was scratched and raw, his eyes dull.

He tried to stand but fell again. Collic was my first thought, and I raced to the tack room to check his feed, perfect. I raced back and grabbed the lead rope snapping it to his halter, I wasn't going to watch this beautiful horse who's life hadn't even yet begun lie here and die. Next to arrive, or so I noticed, was Tamara, who had actually ran straight behind me. I clipped his lead onto his halter and began pulling, I had to get him up. Clay arrived shortly, and tried helping me to get him up, but he wouldn't budge. Clay went and got a switch, with that, me and Tamara's combined tugging and the coaxing of my mother and T, Clay's 'wife', he stood and me and Tamara led him out, but it wasn't much a leading thing, more of a dragging. We got him out and walking, more of a stumble, but moving.

We tought maybe he had ate to much and gotten closed up, so Clay began an anima (sp?), which is unpleasent to watch much less take. He would lunge forward and stay, his eyes showing white with fright. I spoke to him, he was still muddy, but I didn't care, I rested my head on his and spoke softly to him, and ran my fingers along his thin, slightly off but a wonderful add on, blaze. He seemed to calm down, and then it was finished, and I led him around more. This was repeated often, without much to show, and soon Clay went in, but to no avail. Barb seemed to be getting sicker, and the day dimmer. I learned he was worse before, and ahd been sick since about 4:30 Saturday. My stomach churned, I hadn't eaten all day, but thoughts of food were far from my mind. I was tired and almost fell down, and Tamara switched places with me and began leading him around. Something more had to be done all vets were called and all were 'off till Monday.' Do they not know that an animal could get sick ANYDAY? They don't have holidays, they don't have weekends off. This almost make me sick itself.

I knew Clay needed to get home, it was an hour and a half drive, but he wouldn't leave us with a sick horse, so I got Justin to take me down the road to Susan and Rusty's house, people down the road who raised racehorses. They weren't home, but someone was in the pasture, I ran full speed again and almost barrelled right into them, I tried to keep my voice calm and asked if they knew if Rusty and Sue were home, they said they didn't think so, but wondered if they could help me with anything, I could barely keep my voice from wavering as I told them I needed help, that my horse was sick. They asked quesions, symptoms? I told them. Did I call a vet? None would come. It sounds like colick and he may need a shot of something or other but he didn't think he had it, but he might know someone who did, maybe I could show him the horse. So me and my bro took off again (I can't drive, to young you see) with the surburban behind. We arrived and I raised pell mell on and the two, the man and his wife, followed at a more sedate pace.

The greeting was normal and we learned the names man was Jim Lopez, ok fine, now will you look at my horse? I didn't say it, but my anxiety was unreal, get on with it, hes getting worse by the minute!! The man looked him over. He knows someone that could help! Thank Jesus! Were is he? How long will it take? Did he need a ride? No, he was the neighbor. Well I'll be ding dang donged! Alleluia! Relief flooded through my body again, the man arroved fully loaded, he looked like a.... Vet! The had to give him a shot, 10 CCs to the stomach muscle, 10 CCs to the neck.

He put in the first shot, and Barb dropped to the ground. I almost screamed in terror. They stood over him, my mother, T, Clay, Mr. Lopez, Justin, and the other guy who had just arrived on the scene, I am sorry I hadn't heard his name, like I cared for names at that moment. I began pacing and then walked in circles, I held my head and covered my eyes and tried to grasp onto my memories, hold onto my dreams, but they seemed to run and stay just out of reach of my fingertips, like smoke on the breeze. I ran, I ran, but then turned back, Barb stood up I turned back around, this was to much...

I didn't go much farther, I ran into the house, but just for one thing, I scooped up Picket and retreated outside again. I sat on the swing, rocking back and forth, listening to Clay telling the men who had arrived how he appreciated the help, ect ect. I heard my mom and the sound of hoofbeats, and knew it was Barb.

I stood from the chair and went to see what was going on, this was to much for me, but I had to bear it.

We began walking Barb, but if we slowed or hesitated he'd try to sit, and we didn't want that. This was not my Barb, he kept shaking his head and my arm would bounce up and down, and about yank it out of socket. I became tired the first loop around the pool. When I reached the front, there was Rusty and Susan, they had come over after they heard from Mr. Lopez about my horse. I smiled and wanted to stop, wanted to show off, I stopped and he immediately began to buckle his legs to sit, I yanked and leaned all my weight against him and he began to walk, or stumble, along again.

Two more circuits around the pool and I could do no more, Justin took over. Tamara swam in the pool and I watched the day grow dimmer and the light worse.

Soon, Barbwire began not even bothering to kneel first, but just dropping to the ground, but he was a fighter, he'd fight his way back up when asked. More of my dreams escaped my head. I remembered praying, but telling God that I had always asked for a horse, and when I got one, I told him I wouldn't ask for anything else, so I didn't. I was just wondering why he did this to Barbwire, couldn't he do it to me? Was he testing my strength? What was it?

The light was gone, and so were all the other horse people besides Clay and Co. I couldn't stand the hollow sounds everytime my beautiful horse fell to the ground, only to rest then fight his way back up. I could stand it no longer, at 7:45, I went to my room, and Tamara followed. My mother told me to change, and so I did, I did everything blindly, as if walking through some heavy haze, something that was there to grasp but I couldn't. We changed and Tamara told me how her horse Nellie, was 20 times worse than that and had recovered, who now had a baby which I had fallen in love with, but not as deep as the love I had for Barb, Starbuck. I nodded mechanically. She had to,ld me this before, over and over again. At first she was sure he'd get better, then, she hoped he would.

We went downstairs again, and my brother was there. My mother told me we needed to go help, Justin was wore out. I nodded and my mom came with us outside. I watched in horror as my horse fought his way up, only to fall again. I must have stood there less than a minute, and watched him rise and fall over and over again. I stepped into the shadows then into the light. I could see the others there, Clay, my mother forever coaxing him, Tamara to my right, but they weren't there. My eyes were trained on one thing, my horse, rising and falling, looking at me, watching me, wanting to get up and nuzzle me. I wanted it to be how it was, I wanted him to be ok, why wasn't he ok? Would he ever follow me around like a puppy dog again? Would I ever gallop again... on HIM? I could stand it no longer, I ran back into the house, scooped up Picket again, and curled up into the darkest corner of my room.

Picket climbed up my shoulder and jumped onto my table I had there. Tamara hadn't followed, I didn't want anyone to have followed. Picket sat and looked expectently at me, and I poured my heart out to Barb's little orange and white striped tom. I spoke to him for I can't recall how long, about my hopes, my dreams, my prayers, and then reality. I knew Barb needed help, he didn't need to live and suffer so much, he should be put to sleep now, so he doesn't suffer more than he was already. I prayed to God and saint Asissi, the saint of Animals, and told them, that when he met them in heaven, to take good care of him, and told them they could gallop on him, keep him fresh, I would see him again. I scooped up Picket again...

I walked slowly down the stairs, each one creaking as I stepped. Dragging my feet. Somehow I knew he was gone, he wouldn't need help, I felt I was to late, a part of me was gone. I entered the kitchen and looked around, everyone was there, I probably didn't see them, or want to. I walked toward the door. I noticed my mom on the phone. I tried to walk past her, she was blocking the door. I felt a strong arm rest on my shoulder and my moms hand block my way, she whispered two words, immortally engraved into my heart, "He Died." 9:27 P.M. August 1, 1999, the worst day, so far, in my life.

I was immediately blinded by tears, Barb's kitten pressed close to my chest, I turned around, no one stood in my way, or I didn't notice if they did, I ran upstairs and collapsed into my bad and let my kitten go and she crawled along the bed.

I looked up and around at my room, horses, horses everywhere, I couldn't stand it, it was to much, as if they were somehow taunting me. I ran to my closet and pulled out a shoe box, I knew it wasn't big enough for my 50 or more model horses, but I didn't care, anything that looked like a horse, smelled like a horse, or reminded me of a horse was thrown into my closet, including the calender, blanket's and suncatchers. Some may have broken, I haven't looked into it since that night. When that was finished my room looked bare, empty, hollow, like my heart. I collapsed again onto the floor and sat there sobbing.

My mother came into the room and sat besides me, something was different, this wasn't the mother I knew. She said how they tried everything, it was good, he's not suffering anymore, he's going to wait for me to gallop with him again. I couldn't say anything, I was drowning in tears. She told me to say something anything, anything at all. I understood, but needed to show it to her, I said two words over and over, and she understood, "I know, I know." I choked soon and couldn't speak anymore. My mother left the room, I had always been a loner and she knew I needed to have a talk, but not with her or anyone else, with myself, and with Barbwire.

I walked downstairs again, clutching a beat up teddy bear in one hand and a kitten in the other. No one was there. I walked outside and saw a... something... coming up the driveway, I knew it was to bury Barb. I looked back and saw him laying there, in the flood light. I couldn't help thinking it looked like the arena light we would never ride in together, and knew, in his last show, he had won. He had won my heart.

Tamara stood infront of me, and so did everyone else, but I had to see him one last time. Clay almost had to pick me up to get me back inside. Tamara stayed with me. I didn't go to my room, I collapsed there on the kitchen floor. I could here Tamara talking to me, he voice echoed eerily in the empty silence, but I stared straight through the stool legs and whispered to myself what would have been appropriate for the time. "My heart has joined the thousand, for my friend stopped running today."

If you read this and have a horse of your own, do me a favor. Give it it's Equine Encephalytis vaccine. What's $10 compared to your best friends life? Don't wait for this to happen to you.