Our Honeymoon

<body topmargin=0 leftmargin=0 marginheight=0 marginwidth=0> <table cellpadding=0 cellspacing=0 border=0><tr> <td valign="top" rowspan="2" width=210 BGCOLOR="#9999FF" TEXT="#080000" bgproperties="fixed" background="06a76ba3.gif"> <div> <B>I Still Love You </B></div> <div> <B>By the "Bee Gee's"</B></div> <div> <B><IMG SRC="34590850.gif" border=0 width="144" height="133" ALIGN="BOTTOM" HSPACE="0" VSPACE="0"></B></div> <div> <B>Close your eyes do what you wanna </B></div> <div> <B>Baby how can I wait much longer </B></div> <div> <B>Make it hard to believe it happened to me </B></div> <div> <B>Morning comes too late tomorrow </B></div> <div> <B>All you lose is the dream you borrow </B></div> <div> <B>All you got is a soul that's born to be free </B></div> <div> <B>and cries to the wind </B></div> <div> <B>Waiting for you </B></div> <div> <B>My dream will find you someday </B></div> <div> <B>I stand beside my vision of you </B></div> <div> <B>And have you loving me </B></div> <bR> <div> <B>I still love you </B></div> <div> <B>(Ah...) </B></div> <div> <B>I still love you </B></div> <div> <B>(Ah..) </B></div> <bR> <div> <B>Though you're my imagination </B></div> <div> <B>You be there when we find salvation </B></div> <div> <B>Only then will there be no reason to hide </B></div> <div> <B>Stormy night out in the heaven </B></div> <div> <B>I believe in the true forever </B></div> <div> <B>There's a bright new star when somebody dies </B></div> <div> <B>I cry to the wind </B></div> <div> <B>Waiting for you </B></div> <div> <B>Sweet love returning someday </B></div> <div> <B>The day you learn love happened to you </B></div> <div> <B>You will be here with me </B></div> <bR> <div> <B>I still love you </B></div> <div> <B>(Ah...) </B></div> <div> <B>I still love you </B></div> <div> <B>(Ah..) </B></div> <bR> <div> <B>I'll be waiting for you </B></div> <div> <B>Sweet love returning someday </B></div> <div> <B>The day you learn love happened to you </B></div> <div> <B>You will be here with me </B></div> <div> <B>I still love you </B></div> <div> <B>(Ah..) </B></div> <div> <B>I still love you </B></div> <div> <B>(Ah..) </B></div> <div> <B>I still(repeat and fade) </B></div> <bR> <div> <B>  <script language="JavaScript">  </script>   </B></div> <bR> <bR> <bR> <bR> </td> <td valign="top" colspan=2 height=90 BGCOLOR="#99CCFF" TEXT="#080000" bgproperties="fixed" background="06b76bc1egdyqn.gif"> <div> <B>" I noticed my hopelessness was because I had lost my  freedom of choice"</B></div> <div> <B>A 12 Step Member</B></div> <div> <B>Back to   </B><A HREF="index.htm" TARGET="_top" TITLE="Home"><U><B>home</B></U></A><B>      </B><FONT SIZE="1" COLOR="#CC0000" FACE="Times New Roman" ><B> </B></FONT><FONT SIZE="1" COLOR="#000033" FACE="Times New Roman" ><B>See list  on bottom of pages for  the rest of my story.</B></FONT></div> <div> </div> </td> </tr><tr> <td valign="top" height=390 colspan=2 BGCOLOR="#99CCFF" TEXT="#080000" bgproperties="fixed" background="06b76ba3.gif"> <div> <B>Our Honeymoon</B></div> <div> <B><IMG SRC="3c53f0a0.gif" border=0 width="575" height="10" ALIGN="BOTTOM" HSPACE="0" VSPACE="0"></B></div> <bR> <div> <B><IMG SRC="1304e5a0.gif" border=0 width="78" height="90" ALIGN="BOTTOM" HSPACE="0" VSPACE="0"></B><B><IMG SRC="1304e5a0.gif" border=0 width="78" height="90" ALIGN="BOTTOM" HSPACE="0" VSPACE="0"><IMG SRC="1304e5a0.gif" border=0 width="78" height="90" ALIGN="BOTTOM" HSPACE="0" VSPACE="0"><IMG SRC="1304e5a0.gif" border=0 width="78" height="90" ALIGN="BOTTOM" HSPACE="0" VSPACE="0"><IMG SRC="1304e5a0.gif" border=0 width="78" height="90" ALIGN="BOTTOM" HSPACE="0" VSPACE="0"><IMG SRC="1304e5a0.gif" border=0 width="78" height="90" ALIGN="BOTTOM" HSPACE="0" VSPACE="0"></B></div> <bR> <div> <B>Our Honeymoon and the Reality</B></div> <div> <B> </B></div> <div> <B>I finally asked Tina for some space to heal myself. The sad thing is when one asks for time and space from a fearful wounded person they tend to take this as rejection. I know because I had done this myself in my own early recovery.  I tried very hard in many letters to explain to Tina I just couldn't handle her emotions as well as my own. I understood everything she was going through but I could not meet her needs. She had to many and was way to smothering and negative.</B></div> <bR> <div> <B><IMG SRC="699c3870.gif" border=0 width="195" height="135" ALIGN="BOTTOM" HSPACE="0" VSPACE="0"></B><B><IMG SRC="699c3870.gif" border=0 width="195" height="135" ALIGN="BOTTOM" HSPACE="0" VSPACE="0"></B></div> <bR> <div> <B>I knew my little girls' fears were so similar to my own fears in my early in my own recovery. So I tired not to take them personally. However she came across very demanding and pushy. If I had not of had recovery I would of ended up in giving into those demands and the trap of trying to fix Tina and make it ok for her.</B></div> <div> <B> </B></div> <div> <B>I had a hard time making it ok with me at that time. I know from my own recovery I had to make it ok with me first or I wouldn't have anyone else or I will get drunk. I didn't want to loose Tina again. However I could not live in a game of being pushed and feeling responsible for someone else choices or life as an adult. I trusted that one day we would be back together again. I just didn't know when. I did know it would happen. I felt Tina needed time to work through her own 31 years before she found me. I needed to work on all my grief, loss, and emotional turmoil I was feeling around my dad's and mother's deaths as well as Tina reopening those feelings around her birth. </B></div> <bR> <div> <B>It was at this time Tina tried to hurt me for what she felt I had done to her. I finally said, "NO, NO, I cannot do this anymore. I am out of your life." This seemed to be the only way I could get her to HEAR what I was saying. I was sad to have to say this. I didn't want to loose her again; However, I didn't want to loose my own sanity or my recovery either. </B></div> <div> <B>I needed time out. I took it. I am extremely glad that I did. I had not stopped loving Tina. Love was not the issue here. My sanity and my sobriety were and are.</B></div> <bR> <bR> <div> <B><IMG SRC="3c53f0a0.gif" border=0 width="575" height="10" ALIGN="BOTTOM" HSPACE="0" VSPACE="0"></B></div> <bR> <bR> <div> <B>My Guest book</B></div> <bR> <div> <B>I invite each of you to sign my guest book.</B></div> <div> <B>or send me an E-mail </B></div> <div> <B>I would like to know what you are thinking,</B></div> <div> <B>how my web site affected you, </B></div> <div> <B>what you felt when you read MY STORY, </B></div> <div> <B>and any additional comments you may have. </B></div> <div> <B>Thank you, Ginger </B></div> <bR> <bR> <div> <B><IMG SRC="3c53f0a0.gif" border=0 width="575" height="10" ALIGN="BOTTOM" HSPACE="0" VSPACE="0"></B></div> <bR> <bR> <div>  <CENTER><P> <A href="http://pub47.bravenet.com/guestbook/show.asp?usernum=3952344062&cpv=1"> <IMG src="http://images.bravenet.com/pub/viewbook.gif" border="0" width="100" height="35"></A> <A href="http://www.bravenet.com/"> <IMG 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set on my Knee</U></A>   |   <A HREF="id23.htm" TARGET="_top" TITLE="My Brother and Myself"><U>My Brother and Myself</U></A>   |   <A HREF="id24.htm" TARGET="_top" TITLE="My Recovery"><U>My Recovery</U></A>   |   <A HREF="id25.htm" TARGET="_top" TITLE="Hello"><U>Hello</U></A>   |   <A HREF="id26.htm" TARGET="_top" TITLE="Getting to Know You"><U>Getting to Know You</U></A>   |   <B>Our Honeymoon</B>   |   <A HREF="id28.htm" TARGET="_top" TITLE="Real Love Never Dies"><U>Real Love Never Dies</U></A>   |   <A HREF="id31.htm" TARGET="_top" TITLE="Going to another Place"><U>Going to another Place</U></A>   |   <A HREF="id35.htm" TARGET="_top" TITLE="Once Upon A Time"><U>Once Upon A Time</U></A>   |   <A HREF="id32.htm" TARGET="_top" TITLE="A Memorial to my Husbands Father"><U>A Memorial to my Husbands Father</U></A>   |   <A HREF="id38.htm" TARGET="_top" TITLE="An Ending a Beginning"><U>An Ending a Beginning</U></A>   |   <A HREF="id34.htm" TARGET="_top" TITLE="Ode to Joy "><U>"Ode to Joy" 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