Unwed Mothers Home

<body topmargin=0 leftmargin=0 marginheight=0 marginwidth=0> <table cellpadding=0 cellspacing=0 border=0><tr> <td valign="top" rowspan="2" width=210 BGCOLOR="#9999FF" TEXT="#080000" bgproperties="fixed" background="06a76ba3.gif"> <div> <B>Imagine by John Lennon</B></div> <bR> <div> <B><IMG SRC="30c60500.gif" border=0 width="96" height="80" ALIGN="BOTTOM" HSPACE="0" VSPACE="0"></B></div> <bR> <div> <B>Imagine there's no heaven</B></div> <div> <B>It's easy if you try</B></div> <div> <B>No hell below us</B></div> <div> <B>Above us only sky</B></div> <div> <B>Imagine all the people</B></div> <div> <B>Living for today</B></div> <div> <B>Imagine  there's no countries</B></div> <div> <B>It isn't hard to do</B></div> <div> <B>Imagine all the people</B></div> <div> <B>Living life in peace    </B></div> <div> <B>You may say I'm a dreamer</B></div> <div> <B>But I'm not the only one</B></div> <div> <B>I hope someday you'll join us</B></div> <div> <B>And the world will live as one</B></div> <div> <B>Imagine no possessions</B></div> <div> <B>I wonder if you can</B></div> <div> <B>Nothing to kill or die for</B></div> <div> <B>A brotherhood of man</B></div> <div> <B>You may say I'm a dreamer</B></div> <div> <B>But I'm not the only one</B></div> <div> <B>I hope someday you'll join us</B></div> <div> <B>And the world can be as one.</B></div> <bR> <bR> <bR> <bR> </td> <td valign="top" colspan=2 height=90 BGCOLOR="#99CCFF" TEXT="#080000" bgproperties="fixed" background="06b76bc1egdyqn.gif"> <div> <B>" Life is only this place, this time, and these people right here and now."</B></div> <div> <B>Vincent Collins</B></div> <div> <B>Back to   </B><A HREF="index.htm" TARGET="_top" TITLE="Home"><U><B>home</B></U></A><B>        </B><FONT SIZE="1" COLOR="#CC0000" FACE="Abadi MT Condensed" ><B>  </B></FONT><FONT SIZE="1" COLOR="#000033" FACE="Abadi MT Condensed" ><B>See list  on  bottom of  pages for the rest of my story.</B></FONT></div> <div> </div> </td> </tr><tr> <td valign="top" height=390 colspan=2 BGCOLOR="#99CCFF" TEXT="#080000" bgproperties="fixed" background="06b76ba3.gif"> <div> <B>Unwed Mothers Home</B></div> <div> <B><IMG SRC="3c53f0a0.gif" border=0 width="575" height="10" ALIGN="BOTTOM" HSPACE="0" VSPACE="0"></B></div> <bR> <div> <B><U><IMG SRC="33b64280.gif" border=0 width="100" height="40" ALIGN="BOTTOM" HSPACE="0" VSPACE="0"></U></B><B><U><IMG SRC="33b64280.gif" border=0 width="100" height="40" ALIGN="BOTTOM" HSPACE="0" VSPACE="0"></U></B><B><U><IMG SRC="33b64280.gif" border=0 width="100" height="40" ALIGN="BOTTOM" HSPACE="0" VSPACE="0"></U></B><B><U><IMG SRC="33b64280.gif" border=0 width="100" height="40" ALIGN="BOTTOM" HSPACE="0" VSPACE="0"></U></B></div> <bR> <div> <B>At the unwed mother's home, I felt out of place. I didn't fit in. I was so scared.  So very very alone. No one was visiting me AGAIN. Most of the other girls seemed to know a lot more about life than I did. I was so naive to street things and the world. I stayed to myself. I tired to make friends but I didn't know how. I stayed in my room most of the time. Or I would go outside. I laid on my bed a lot of the time and laid my hands on my tummy. I sang many songs to my child. I wished and hoped for us to have a life together. When my child began to move I knew that I knew that I loved her and no one could ever make that different. She was a part of me now. I was a part of her. I would sneak up to the mother's floor where the newborns were and look at the babies and dream of my arms around my child.    </B></div> <DIV ALIGN="LEFT"></DIV> <div> <B><IMG SRC="3af46420.gif" border=0 width="70" height="66" ALIGN="BOTTOM" HSPACE="0" VSPACE="0"></B></div> <div> <B>I went into labor early. They took my child and I to a big hospital because there were complications in my labor and they knew my baby was going to be small. I was so scared. I was alone with no family. I called and begged my mother to come and be with me. She said no. I cried so hard. I needed her. My mother told the nurses to not let me see my child. I don't know why I knew that I had rights to see my child but I knew. I made up my mind I was going to see my baby and name her. </B></div> <div> <B>The labor was hard and seemed like it would never end. I had never had pain like this in all my life.  I was terrified that I was going to die. I was a child having a child with no support. There was a nurse's aid that I just knew God had sent to me. She stayed with me for a few hours even after her shift was over. She helped take some of my fear away. </B><FONT SIZE="5" COLOR="#FFFF33" FACE="Blackadder ITC" ><B>(I want to thank that angel for caring when no one else seemed to).</B></FONT><B> Finally they rushed me into the delivery room. They tired to put a screen up in front of me so I could not watch my baby be born. I yelled and said NOOOOOOO I want to see my child be born. As soon as she was born the nurses whisked her away. I kept asking if my baby was OK. No one would answer me. I was mad, mad at them all and the world. </B></div> <bR> <div> <B>They took me back to my room. I kept asking if my little girl was OK. No one would answer me. Finally I got up and stomped to the nursery. I demanded in a not so nice way to see my child. They said, "no, your mother said no." I said, "I have not agreed to give my child up and I want to see her!" Finally they gave in to shut me up. They pulled her incubator to the glass. They opened the curtain. And there was my sweet little tiny girl. 3lbs 9oz. She was so so tiny, so sweet and beautiful. I cried and cried. They told me she was very very ill. I was so scared for her. I felt so helpless and powerless. I knew I just knew she would live. I willed her to live. I don't know what day it was but I sneaked down to the nursery. I opened the door and walked in. I wanted to touch my daughter. I got close to her incubator and a nurse said could I help you. I said, "yes I want to touch my child." She let me. I touch my daughter sweet little head, hands, and tiny body. That was a feeling I would carry with me till the day she found me. I prayed hard for her, for me that we could stay together somehow. </B></div> <bR> <div> <B>A few days later they sent me back to Booth (the unwed mother's home). I saw my sweet daughter one more time before I left. I told her how much I loved her. I cried all the way back to Booth. I stayed at Booth for a week or so. </B></div> <bR> <div> <B>My mother and grandmother came to get me to take me home. I was begging my mother to stop and see my daughter before I went home. She said nooooooo. She told me to think about it like it was surgery and it would go away. What a horrible thing to say to me. Make like my little Yetenna was not born and she would go away. Yea right!!!!!!!!! </B></div> <bR> <div> <B>The drive back home was like someone had ripped my heart and soul out and told me to TRY to live with out her. It was at this point that I know I lost hope for love, life, happiness, and the hope that I was a person who could love or be loved. I lost all hope that day and turned any piece of hope I had left into hate. I pulled inside myself. I shut the world out. I began to act out all those feelings I was stuffing.</B></div> <bR> <DIV ALIGN="LEFT"></DIV> <div> <B><IMG SRC="3c53f0a0.gif" border=0 width="575" height="10" ALIGN="BOTTOM" HSPACE="0" VSPACE="0"></B></div> <bR> <bR> <div> <B>My Guest book</B></div> <bR> <div> <B>I invite each of you to sign my guest book</B></div> <div> <B>or send me an E-mail. </B></div> <div> <B>I would like to know what you are thinking,</B></div> <div> <B>how my web site affected you, </B></div> <div> <B>what you felt when you read MY STORY, </B></div> <div> <B>and any additional comments you may have. </B></div> <bR> <div> <B>Thank you, Ginger</B></div> <bR> <bR> <div> <B><IMG SRC="3c53f0a0.gif" border=0 width="575" height="10" ALIGN="BOTTOM" HSPACE="0" VSPACE="0"></B></div> <bR> <bR> <div>  <CENTER><P> <A href="http://pub47.bravenet.com/guestbook/show.asp?usernum=3952344062&cpv=1"> <IMG src="http://images.bravenet.com/pub/viewbook.gif" border="0" width="100" height="35"></A> <A href="http://www.bravenet.com/"> 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