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Cast: Rhys Ifans, Sadie Frost, Tara Fitzgerald, Dani Behr, Joseph Fiennes, Keith Allen, Steven Berkoff, Nick Moran
Director: Edward Thomas
Producer: Mark Thomas and Mike Parker
Screenplay: James Hawes
UK Distributor: Entertainment Film
Warning: This review contains spoilers.
Those who should know. KNOW. Screams the tagline of this British movie from first time director Edward Thomas.
Obviously those in the know, knew to steer clear of this movie when it was released in the third week of the 21st century - in the UK at least. I doubt it will make it abroad.
Where do you begin with a movie as bad as this?
Do you mention the cast of unlikeable heroes? The over-the-top acting?
The dreadful script?
No. You just say that anyone who pays money to see a film as poor as this needs their head looking at.
I know I do.
I respect those poor guys who saw it with little or no advance word from mags like Empire (usually a bad sign if a preview copy isn't available to the quality movie mags).
However, cinemas really should start thinking about giving out refunds if the customer isn't happy with the finished product.
I went three days after it opened with two other mates. The only other person in the cinema was one bloke on his own.
And that was on cheap night.
Either the ad campaign had failed dismally or word had spread through most of the country of just what a stinker this is.
Not since the days of The Avengers (1998) have I felt so short changed since watching a movie.
If a mate comes round with this on video in a few months make sure he pays your electricity bill while watching it. Tara Fitzgerald deserves an award for not cracking up - or walking off the set; Keith Allen retains some dignity amid the cinematic carnage; Barry Foster should have been arrested on the set for his performance, Rhys Ifans does his career no favours after the success of Notting Hill and only Dani Behr is halfway likeable as a busty secretary.
Mind you, considering she used to be in The Word, any viewers' expectations of her acting ability had to be pretty low to begin with.
The plot centres on Pete Thompson (Rhys Ifans) a cockerney geezer who thinks he has it all. However, following the death of his dad his close friend and accountant reveals the company he has been left is broke and the only way out is to do business with the Russian mafia. His life and career are on the line when he leave to restore the fortunes of the family firm.
There's a sub-plot involving Pete's desire to have kids with Sarah (Sadie Frost), ideal for a few Something About Mary-style gags, but you won't really care too much about Pete and Sarah's kids if they turn out to be as deeply unlikeable as their parents.
The production values aren't bad considering the obviously limited budget - the cash obviously didn't stretch to shooting in Russia but it scarcely matters. We all know what Red Square looks like so the economy actually works in its favour. At the end of the day, if you want to hear a bunch of unlikeable characters say "Fak!" for a couple of hours then this should be right up your street.
Otherwise, bargepoles required.
© 2000 Roger Crow
