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| Paul Everett's Homepage |
You are looney#
 to visit this place. Congratulations! You are today's lucky winner!This site is best viewed with: Your eyes fool!
What do you want to see today? Well, recently updated, we have an all new caption competition, and also an updated news section at the bottom of this page. I am thinking about dedicatig a whole page to it, but can't be bothered quite yet. Oh yes, and Josh Jones has attempted to destroy my guestbook, which has, however, bounced back from this vicious attack with all guns blazing. |
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| Contents Page: |
| Competitions Page This is a page dedicated to you; the reader. On this page you will be able to play many varied and intellectually stimulating games. |
| My Favourite Music |
| This is a page of my favourite songs, either the full midi versions, or short bits in wav format. |
| Samples and Links |
| This is a page of all the samples and links given on the site, along with other miscellaneous items which may or may not be of interest. |
| Raving Xenophobia | |
| Acting upon the brilliant observation of Herr Joshua Jones, who noticed just what was missing from this place, I have created a page dedicated to fear of foreigners. There is not much there for the simple reason that I know very little about them, because I spend as little time as possible in their company. |
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| And Finally This is a little section added to the end of the news each night, and is intended to be amusing as if to say; 'So what if India and Pakistan are about to start World War 3? Here in England old ladies still call out the fire brigade to get their cats out of washing machines.' My general intention in placing this bit here is to show that yes, this still happens, but now the fire brigade tell the old lady to bugger off, charge her £200 as a call out fee, and then call the psychiatric hospital to come and take her back into care where she will no longer pose a deadly threat to the community with her atomic currant buns and a double barrelled shotgun coupled with an unshakeable belief that we are still at war with Germany. Basically, life is intrinsically evil, and we have to do our best to overcome it. I intend to show this by dedicating a news section to bad things that have happened to people I know. Shocked Schoolboy Skids In Escort/Hedge Sex Romp < /fon t> Barely days ago, Spencer Theobald was the victim of disastrous driver error when a careless hedge ploughed head-on into his scarcely moving vehicle. Spencer was spared serious injury by the protection given by the pair of high security impact-reducant fog lights fitted only months before the accident. Mr Theobald, unavailable for question at the time of writing, was rushed immediately to the casualty department of a nearby pub, where witnesses say he entered a state of shock, and made libellous accusations against the driver of the hedge, saying that he 'appeared out of nowhere' and was obviously 'as blind as Tom Chantry'. When we phoned him, Spencer, 17, restricted himself to one cryptic phrase; when told that we were writing an article on his experience, he correctly deduced that we were not 'there for the hunting'. We will bring you more on this story once the result of the court case Regina Vs Hedge is revealed. Cresswell Caught By Unforgiving Table It has just been announced that all Type IIB pool tables have been recalled by their manufacturer after one made a vicious attempt upon the life of a young schoolboy; Dominic Cresswell, 17, of Maidstone, Kent. For Dominic it was just another normal school day; his dog had been about to eat the start of his economics notes, which he had flavoured with tabasco sauce to make more appetising, when he thought of a better excuse and dropped them into his swimming pool while involved in a wild orgy with his girlfriend. He arrived late at school and his Psion crashed, wiping his entire history essay which was due in first lesson. After all this luck, Dom knew his life could get no better as he headed towards the pool table at break time. Little did he know what fate, a piece of man-eating recreational equipment, and his own mal-coordination held in store for him. He was leaning across the table after taking a shot when suddenly, in his own words, "the table moved under me and my center of gravity was moved backwards about 10 degrees so that I was no longer resting on the side. My brain just had time to register this, and I emitted a shill cry of 'OH BUGGER!' as I toppled skillfully over backwards, carefully avoiding damage to all but the most sensitive parts of my body." An eyewitness described the events more concisely; "The uncoordinated prat took a crap shot and fell over the table, moving all the balls in a hopeless attempt to save himself and then getting his John Pollox caught on a pocket." As the table tried hard to avoid the sexual assault of Mr Cresswell, he eventually managed to free himself from its life-threatening grip. Dominic got off lightly for his terrible error of malcoordination. He might not be so lucky a second time. So, for his sake if no-one else's, join our campaign to ban these evil machines before they take a higher toll of lives. Only today, the table viciously assaulted Dominic once again, damaging his vital right hand in a mad revenge attack for his attempted rape. Remember the score so far: Dom 0 - Table 2 Watch this space for more results as they come in. We hope to have live coverage of the next match of man against machine, and we will be revealing its location as soon as a fixture can be arranged. News Just In: Dominic Cresswell has won a remarkable victory over the pool table; it has been forcebly removed to a detention center where it will spend the rest of its natural life attempting to remove the mental scars it received during its running battle with the chip fat meister himself, Dominic Cresswell. All is not lost however, as it has been replaced by a newer model which has a dangerous spark that may well prove a match for the amazing Cresswell. On a different subject, both Spencer Theobald and Chris Holmes have reached new highs in their respective lives. Spencer's car has been returned from a hostage situation at a garage with all new fog-lights and crash-resistant fluffy dice. Chris has experianced the terrible phenomenon of sand getting everywhere. I don't know why people are still surprised by this fact; if you roll around in very small particles, you'd have to be thick to hope that it wouldn't get everywhere. DOH! That is all! By Order Of A Hitler |
Have a go on this webring; it's a small group but they're all very good. You won't be disappointed, whatever your interests are:
